Larissa's nose is so blocked, I have to suck out the snot for her every few hours or when I hear her laboured breathing.

See the amount of snot?

Sighs...Really pains my heart to see my little girl suffering like that. We decided to go TCM so we went to the medicinal hall to get pearl powder as instructed by some aunties but the people from the medicinal hall said that pearl powder will cause the baby to have lots of phelgm and recommended another kind of powder. Fed it to baby once this morning and she seems to sleep better. (Been sleeping the whole day!)

We also went down to Kiddy Palace this morning to buy a stroller for her. She is getting heavier, already weighing 4.7kg at one month, and its straining my shoulders a bit when I carry her on the sling. Bought a stroller that has reversible handles so that we can see what she is doing. That stupid stroller cost $300 and I paid for it using the angbaos I got from my office and some of my relatives. Here's a photo of her first time on the stroller.

We're both sick.

I think I'm down with a cold. I've got blocked nose and a cough. I think I passed it to Larissa. I thought Larissa will be immune to it since I'm breastfeeding her. Shouldn't she be getting antibodies from the breastmilk that I am feeding her? Hmmm...

Its heart wretching to see her struggle to breathe with that blocked nose and I keep having to suck out her snot to help her clear her nostrils to breathe better. She hasn't been able to sleep properly due to the blocked nose and keeps waking up. I'm thinking if I should bring her to the pediatrician.

My mother is telling me not to bring her to the doctor as she is still so small and shouldn't be taking any medication but my hubby is urging me to bring her to the doctor. Who should I listen to?

I hope she will quickly recover....

2nd dose Hep B vaccination

I brought Larissa for her second dose of vaccination the day before yesterday at Toa Payoh Polyclinic.

It never occurred to me that it hurts so bad to see my own baby crying from pain....

After that session on Monday, I've decided to bring her to a private pediatrician instead of going to the polyclinic as the prices are almost the same and the waiting time at the polyclinic is much long than that of the pediatrician. Now, all I need is to find a pediatrician that accepts payment via the CDA account...

She flipped!

Okay...this is amazing. My one month old baby knows how to flip! WAHHH!!!!

After her wind in the stomach episode, I usually place Larissa to sleep on her tummy. I beside her 24/7 so I'm always watching her.

Yesterday morning, I placed her on her tummy to sleep as usual but she wasn't sleepy yet so she refused to go to sleep. She lifted her head up high - amazing that a one month old baby can lift her head so high - tilted her body to one side and she flipped to her back!

Actually this was not the first time she flipped. She already did so when she was 2 weeks old but it was my sister who witnessed it so I did not believe her. How the hell can a 2 week old baby know how to flip?

My girl really can flip!

She is one month old!

Larissa is one month old! My confinement is finally over, not that it actually matter...I didn't really follow the rules. I had the aircon or fan on, showered with warm water every two days and washed my hair as well. The only thing I followed was the food...

Anyway, I realised that I'm just too lazy to express my breast milk. Heehee...I've just started taking fenugeek and I think I'll have to start expressing soon so that I can increase my milk supply in order to store some just in case I need them in the future.

I've just learnt how to use the baby sling, not perfect but just okay to carry Larissa and I realise I need to adjust it pretty often. Will have to practice more often. Okays, time to update my blog with photos of my baby...

Its not a good day...

My parents-in-laws came to visit. Baby has wind in her tummy and her tiny little tummy is bloated like shit. Ok..partly my fault as I thought that babies who are breastfed do not need to be burped....

My in-laws were going, "aiyoh, so bloated! So ke lian!", while I was keeping quiet. Until my mom came home. She went to tell my in-laws what a great mother she was who took such good care of us when we were babies and blah, blah, blah...She then mentioned that she kept telling me to let Larrisa sleep on her tummy  but I kept insisting no. I was so effing angry lah! I told her off in front of my PIL, "Doctors say not to let baby sleep on tummy, you say let her sleep on tummy so who should I listen to?"

She just went on and on about how great a mother she was. WTF lah! She wasn't even the one who took care of us lor! She had a bloody confinement nanny who did every single thing for her! All she did was sit and watch! Oh, the confinement nanny taught her that we should be lying in bed all the time during confinement and should not move around too much.

And my mother kept insisting that I gave Larissa formula. Kept saying that breastmilk is too much of a hassle and that Larissa will remember my smell when I go back to work...blah, blah, blah...OF COURSE I WANT LARISSA TO REMEMBER MY SMELL! I AM HER FREAKING MOTHER!

ARGH!!!!!!!

My mom drives me nuts at time.

Larissa also had hiccups when my in-laws were here. So they kept asking for water to be given. Larissa drank a bit and then refused to drink more. There they go again. Telling me that babies should be given water. I already gave in and let them give her water! Now they say Larissa is refusing the water because I don't give her water! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I tell them that breastfed babies do not need to be given water and they look at me in a odd way. Sighs.

I can't believe that my mother-in-law is gonna take care of my baby starting 1st March. If given a choice, I will employ a maid to look after my baby. At least they don't do things that I don't approve of and I can scold them...can't expect me to scold my mother-in-law?  Anyway, I am paying my mother-in-law okay. She asked for $800 a month which will include the household expenses.

Double sighs. Me and my hubby only make $3k a month. Now, $800 gone and we still got to support the baby. I feel so cramped...Like I'm being pushed to a corner with nowhere to go. Sighs....

I'm not a good mommy.

I've started giving my baby some formula milk. I feel like I have failed as her mother.

I'm so tired, just oh so tired. My nipples hurt like mad. She is latching on not perfectly but she gets her milk and I don't get that sore. However, my left nipple is inflamed. Yes, it is. Its painful, swollen and the pain radiates. Its hurts even when its left alone and untouched.

There are times when I keep feeding Larissa, left breast, right breast, left breast again and back to right breast but she just can't get enough. She simply won't go to sleep. My baby is a sleep monster and will go right to sleep if she's had enough milk and her eyes wide open means she hasn't had enough. These are the times when I will make formula milk for her and its amazing seeing her gulp dowm 80mls of formula milk before going to sleep.

I still try to breastfeed her as much as possible and whenever I can. Somehow, my stupid and ever so brainless hubby thinks that its better to give her formula milk. The mere mention of my useless husband drives me up the wall. I taught him how to change baby's diaper and yet the next time baby poops, he tells me to change them and tells me he don't know how to, or that baby's poop makes him wanna puke. WTF! So all he knows is to carry baby around and go, "oh, so cute!".

Everytime I finally managed to get Larrisa to go to sleep, he will come along and stroke baby's hair, kiss her or smell her. I get so frustrated and I tell him that if she ever wakes up, I will punch him in the face. He never does anything to help and all he wants to do is carry the baby. ARGH! I hate him!

I'

Silly me...

Fear sets in....I was chatting with another mommy on MSN yesterday when she told me that her mother gave her baby the pacifier and later when she breastfed, her baby mistaken her nipple for the pacifier and sucked so hard that a chunk of flesh came off. Horrors!!

My mother has also started giving my baby the pacifier and no matter what I tell her, she just insists on going her way...

Now I understand why Larissa has been crying for more whenever I put her down after feeding her. I've been feeding her on the engorged side hoping that it will bring down the engorgement but I did not realise that it is impossible that she gets milk from that side. No wonder she keeps falling asleep...So now, I feed her on one side and try to express the other side.

I was so desperate this morning - the engorged side feels like its got no milk - that I made formula milk for her. Luckily she didn't like the taste and spit it all out. I feel like an epic failure. Sighs....My engorgement has been around for so many days and it just doesn't go away despite my hubby massaging it for me. What am I gonna do next?

So tiring!

I never thought that it would be this tiring to take care of a baby!

I have been having fever for the past 3 days due to engorged breasts. Had to get my hubby to massage my breast real hard before the engorgement went down. I still have a feeling that its engorged...I'm going to TMC on saturday for my checkup and I think I will check with the nurses there if they can massage for me.

Now that my boobs are not that engorged, they are bruised like mad and damn painful. LoL...

I haven't been able to walk properly too. I think the massage lady pressed too hard and hurt some of my nerves, causing me to have leg pains. I did the massage only twice and stopped it as I found it too oily to my liking. Morever, I cannot shower! Kaoz...

The past 3 days have been really trying. Imagine having a fever burning you up, having aches and pains due to the fever, being unable to sit up due to the pain in the leg and still having to wake up in the middle of the night to breastfeed my baby! I felt like I was dying already! All I wanted was a night of rest and yet Larissa had to wake me up for her feeds. Sighs....

So very very tiring....

Larissa has a very bad habit of falling asleep during feeds and waking up once I put her down but she does not wake up immediately. She will wait till I settle down to go back to sleep before she starts crying for more milk. Crazy isn't it? Its at times like this that I feel  like killing her.

Oh, my mom has been stuffing the pacifier to her even though I told her not to. She also likes to let Larissa sleep on her stomach. All the things that I told her not to do has been done. And my irritating hubby keeps asking me when am I going to give Larissa water. At first, he was worried that baby did not get enough milk to drink and now, he is worried that baby is having too much to drink thats why she is pooping so much. And thanks to the stupid pediatrician who told him that we can give water. KNN. I hate that freaking pediatrician! Now my hubby keeps telling me that the doctor says can give water!

Sighs....ignorance...

Sick and tired

I'm sick and tired of staying under the same roof with my aunt. She is as raving mad as they get. How I wish I can just put her into the mental hospital.

I am getting out of here. I don't care if I fuck up my confinement.

I just want to get out of here. Being alone in a room all the time can drive oneself crazy. Especially when one has nothing to keep oneself occupied.

Larissa stays awake all night, not crying but just refusing to sleep....Me? I have to keep watch over her and I don't get to sleep too. I sleep only 3-4 hour a day.

A serious lack of sleep can drive one to have crazy thoughts.

Major Depression

I don't know why but I am feeling so depressed. My nipples are sore and hurt like mad when I am feeding Larissa as she does not know how to latch on properly. I've no idea how to make her latch on properly when she has been latching on wrongly the past few days.

I feel so tired. I haven't been getting much sleep due to waking up and feeding Larissa. I wish I can sleep a full 8 hours.

I miss my hubby. Yes, he has been here to visit me and even stay over with me but I miss being alone with him. I miss having time for ourselves, I miss hugging him to sleep.

I feel so guilty when I look at my baby, guilty of the way I've behaved all these years and they way that I speak to my mother. Being a mother myself, I can't help but think of the way my mother felt when she first held me in her hands, when she first breastfed me and when she loved me.

I believe that she too, wanted the best for me just like the way I want the best for Larissa. I feel so ashamed of myself. Sighs....

Labour

I've given birth on 17.11.2009!

I was having contractions the whole day that day and at about 9.30pm, my contractions were coming at intervals of 15 mins. Hubby was soon on his way in a cab from Sembawang to Toa Payoh. I felt bad coz he had only left for home at about 8 and he had reached home for only a while before I called him to tell him that I had to go to the hospital. Waste of the cabfare....

Everything was alright at first. I changes into the hospital gown, gave them my urine sample and soon, was lying in the observation room and strapped onto the CTG to monitor my contractions and baby's heartbeat while hubby went to do the admission for me. I was officially admissioned into Thomson Medical Centre at 11pm.

There was another lady in the observation and her moanings scared me. She was moaning and almost screaming. I could hear her hitting her hand against the bed railings. My hubby also got a little spooked by the lady. I was telling him that the same thing will be happening to me in a while. LOL

The nurse did a check on me and I was only almost 3cm dilated. Normally, being a first labour, this would mean having quite some time to go before going into active labour. Not for me though.

After an hour or so, the pain got a little unbearable and I asked for the laughing gas. After the first few puffs, I was numbed. It felt good. I blanked out and couldn't feel the pain. So I got though most of the pain in a high.

Soon, the nurses told me there was an empty delivery suite and that they are going to wheel me in there. I got out of bed and went to the toilet to pee - amazing that I was so spaced out and could still walk. Got back onto the bed and was wheeled into the delivery suite. The moment I was wheeled into the delivery suite, I had intense labour pain that the gas couldn't help. The nurse was telling me that she thinks I need something stronger like the jab in the thigh or the epidural but I refused. I inhaled deeper on the gas and tried not to think of the pain.

The pain was so intense that when it came, I couldn't help but cry. I was crying and almost screaming to my hubby, telling him that its very very painful. My hubby felt helpless at that point of time. All that he could do was ask if I want the epidural. He told me to take it if I really can't take the pain. Scream and cry as I might, I insisted on no epidural....Until I couldn't take it anymore. I asked my hubby to call for the nurse and ask for epidural as it was only about 1.30am and I thought I still have a long way to go before I am fully dilated.

The operating theatre nurse did a vaginal examination on me and I was already 8cm dilated! It was amazing! I was told that I can't be more than 5cm dilated before I was wheeled into the delivery suite and here I was, almost ready to go into full labour.  I cannot be given the epidural anymore as I was too far into my labour. That explains the intense pain I was going through...My contractions were so intense that I was close to fully dilated in less than 3 hours' time.

Next thing I had to do was to wait for gynae's arrival. While waiting for him, I had the feeling to push and I was telling the nurse that I had to push but the nurse told me not to, in case I tore my vagina. I was like, "huh? then what?" She put my left down from the stirrups and told me to push gently but I had the urge to put my legs up on the stirrups, give one big push for baby to come out. lol

My gynae finally arrived. He was surprised that I'm going into labour so soon as he had just examined me in the afternoon and did not expect me until maybe Wednesday. Somehow, the contractions ceased the moment he burst my waterbag and I was chatting with him...until the contractions came again.

I remember I gave about 4 pushes and baby was out already.

She, Larissa Luo, is my everything. I love her with all my heart and soul.

Painful Contractions

I think this will be my last update for quite some time. I have been having painful contractions the whole day and I will be going to the hospital right after this post.

The contractions are damn painful sia...I went for check up only this afternoon, my gynae did a vaginal examination on me and I was almost 3 cm dilated already. I was told that I will probably give birth this one or two days but the contractions is really killing me already.

I decided that I'd better go to the hospital soon. The contractions are coming every half an hour...

So painful....

Still Pregnant....

Do you know what it means if you see this post? It means that I am still pregnant and still waiting for the little one to come into this world.

I'm overdue but I do not want to be induced. I heard that induced pregnancy is more painful than natural labour and when they break your waterbag, you have to deliver within 24hours or you will have to go for c-section due to increased risk of infection. Induction means that there is a higher chance of having a c-section, something which I do not want.

So now, I am keeping my fingers crossed that baby decides to come out tonight. Sighs....it feels like a long long wait. The Braxton Hicks are getting more and more frequent and they sometime even hurt a little. I keep telling myself to be patient and Larissa - thats her name! - will show her face to the world when she is ready.

It feels like forever.....

Still waiting...

Changed a new template as the previous one wasn't working well already.

Sighs. Its been a while since I  updated my blog. Not in the mood to do so. It seems that baby is very comfy in my womb and is not coming out yet. 2 more days to my EDD and I am afraid that she will want to spend more time in there. In the meantime, I am feeling really big. Everyday I wait for the time to come and it feels like an eternity. Its getting so bad that I actually am losing sleep.

My mom did comment today that my bump does seem to be dropping down - a sign that baby is ready to arrive in this world - well, that did brighten up my day a little but then she was telling me that I should give baby formular milk as well as breastmilk since I am going back to work and blah blah blah...

She kept insisting that she knows better and that I will be too tired to breast feed baby entirely on my own when baby comes. Blah. She is such an idiot sometimes I just can't be bothered and I'll ignore her. Seriously, sometimes I do have the urge to give her a slap. The only thing stopping me is the fact that she is my mom. Bleah.

I'm in my 38th week already and there is still no signs that she is gonna show her face to the world. I am getting impatient.

She is putting on an average of 300g a week and she is now 3.4kg. 2 more weeks to go and that means she will be more than 4kg? The thought of it scares me. Will I be able to give birth naturally? Sighs....

Braxton Hicks is getting more and more frequent. Its not very comfortable. The whole tummy is so tight and hard.

I wish baby will show her face to the world faster so that my suffering will end sooner but then again, once she pops, it will be the start of another round of suffering.

This two weeks, hubby and I have been enjoying our own time, going for good food, enjoying being together. We know that we will have less time to go out once the little one shows.

I love my hubby and I know that he loves me too...though he doesn't really show it. haha...

Woke up at 5.30am this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Thats what happens when one doesn't feel at home. *yawn*

Felt kinda weird waking up at my grandma's place. Rested for about one hour more then me and hubby went down to my mom's stall to makan. Sat for a while, chit chat a bit and then we are back at my place to rest. I went to rest on my sis's bed and soon, I was in lala land. Hubby woke me up at 9.30am, I changed and we headed down to Fortunate Restaurant for our dim sum brunch.

It feels good to have dim dum and tea, talk abit, relax and just enjoy the two of us being together. We are enjoying every moment of it now as we know that soon, we will have very little time with baby around. Life is good.

We headed to Kiddy Palace soon after to buy more stuff. Oh, did I mention that I just spent more than $100 last night there? I also signed up for its member. 10% discount might not seem like alot but it adds up to quite a bit. Bought a little more baby stuff and spent another 40 bucks. Sighs...

Headed home and rested for a bit more. When my sisters got home, hubby played mahjong while I just watched tv. Moreena's dad drove the car over at about 6pm and we went down to Baby Avenue at Balestier to take a look at baby's cot and stuff. We got a shock at the prices there! Damn expensive lah! The wooden cots costs $1350! Imagine our shock! We walked around a bit and scooted out of there.

Decided to head down to Jalan Besar for dinner, had Teochew porridge and then headed to the Kiddy Palace at Toa Payoh Central to buy our baby's playpen. Bought one at $119 excluding mattress. The total amount including mattress and 2 bedsheets came to about $180. *heartache*

Now, I'm back at Granny's place but I'm alone....Hubby had to go home for the night as he is working tomorrow. Sighs...So lonely.

We'll be separated until my confinement is over. Sad eh? Sighs....

I'm at my grandma's place now. I'll be doing my confinement here since my grandma has got a spare room and its only one block away from my place. My mom will be able to pop over anytime to cook my confinement meals for me.

Problem is....my grandma sleeps at 7pm and she sleep with her room door open so I won't be able to watch television in the living room and there is no television in the spare room. So....I'll probably be rotting away from 7pm...pure craziness...

Sighs...two week wait for baby to come into this world. It seems like I've got all the signs and symptoms of labour but nothing is happening...yet.

From what I've read, the signs of labour is:-

1. Lightening (when baby's head begin to drop into position in your pelvis)
2. Increase in vaginal discharge
3. The appearance of bloody show (a brownish or red-tinged mucous discharge)
4. More frequent and noticeably more intense Braxton Hicks contractions

I've for 2 out of that 4. I wonder when is baby gonna come. My back is aching more as the days goes by and the watermelon stretch marks are driving me nuts. They seem to appear overnight and as they increase in numbers, so does my desperation. I'm praying that baby comes soon so that the stretch marks will stop increasing.

Sighs....The sudden overnight appearance of these stretch marks made my previous 6 months of applying stretch mark cream diligently go to waste. I think I've given up hope. They will appear no matter how much cream I apply.

Now, all I can do is wait. Wait for baby to decide that its time for her to show her face to the world.....

YAY! Its my last day of work before I go for my maternity leave! End of suffering at last! Sighs...I just hate working for my manager. He always give me uncompleted work and expects me to clear his shit for him. He always expects to go around the system by emailing his superior or talking to the CEO. Blah...Keep telling him that it doesn't work that way but...whatever I'll probably tender my resignation after my resignation...

Anyway, I took a couple of photos last night that shows how bad my water retention is...

See the dent? Scary right?

My left ankle is more swollen.

I hate it when people keep asking me if I'm excited that baby is coming already. No, I am not excited. In fact, I am more scared then excited. How am I supposed to expect pain? How does one prepare for the pain to come? Sighs....

Anyway, got bored at work and sneaked off to the toilet to take some photos. Heehee...More photos of my stretch marks. Watermelon skin so fugly!

Whats weird is that my stretch marks only appear on the left side of my tummy, not much on the right side. No idea why like that..

Went for my 37th week check up yesterday. Baby is already 3.1kg! Its been only two weeks and she's gained 700g already! 3 more weeks to go! What if she puts on more weight? She'll be like 4kg by then!

OMG! Will I have to go for c-section? Damn....baby, you better come out soon or your mama will kill you!LOL...

Had an argument with hubby again yesterday. Still arguing over who to look after baby. His mom or my mom. I told him that it will be difficult for me if I see his mom doing something that I dont like and yet I can't say anything and he actually retorted me that what if my mom did something and he doesn't like it? Ended up with him scolding me saying that I never spare a thought for his feelings.

Men. Never listening to reasons. I told him that if we were to get his mom to look after our kid, we're better off getting a maid. At least I can scold the maid if she does something wrong, I can't possibly scold his mom when she does something wrong right? What more, a maid only costs $500 which is almost half of what his mother is asking for. The maid can do housework and my laundry as well. If his mom were to take care of our kid for us, you think I can ask her to do the laundry for me?

I don't understand how some people can go to bed without showering. My sister does that. My hubby does that sometimes.

The bed is where one spends 8 hours or more a day! Thats like one-third of your one whole day!

My sister is really what I call a disgusting pig. She can be out from 5pm to 11pm and just change and plonk down and fall asleep on her bed. No wonder her skin condition is disasterous. Its so damn digusting! Whats worse is her lame excuse that she did not pespire the whole time she was out.

OMG. No common sense! Doesn't she know that dirt and dust can get attached to us no matter we pespire or not?

YUCKS big time! I will not even sit on my bed if I haven't showered after reaching home! Imagine the amount of bacteria that they bring home and they even sleep with the bacteria.

I know I'm a kinda paranoid but I just find it disgusting. Revolting actually.

I am starting to feel fearful of having my confinement done by my mom.....

The food that she normally cooks is already unfit for human consumption. Its either too oily, too salty or overcooked. Its really scary...Its no wonder that my sisters and myself are so fat...thanks to my mom's generosity with the amout of oil that she puts in the food she cooks.

Now, try to imagine a bowl of pig's throtters in vinegar with a thick thick layer of oil on top....and I'm supposed to finish the sauce. BLEAH! I think I might end up puking even before I start eating!

If only I were rich enough, I'd employ a proper confinement nanny to cook for me and look after my baby. I know what a slipshod person my mom is. Sighs....it all boils down to $$$$$...

Now I'm considering to let my mom or my mother in law look after the baby after confinement. Sighs...my mother in law said that she will quit her job and take care of our baby for us but we are to pay her $900 a month which is her current salary and that does not include baby's expenses e.g. diapers and milk powder. I'm thinking if we can afford it. Our combined income is only $3k....

I can choose to put baby with my mom, there will be maids to look after her but we will not be with her from Mondays to Fridays as its too troublesome for us to bring her to Toa Payoh and fetch her back to Sembawang everyday. But...my mom says we only need to give her $500 a month which includes baby's expenses. Problem is, my grandma just sold her flat and she will be moving in to stay with my family very soon so there will be 9 people living in a 3rm flat which is really overcrowded and I feel a bit heartache being unable to see my baby for 5 days in a week.

Sighs.......decisions....

Die lah...My water retention is getting real bad. I can't remove my wedding band! Shucks!

Better go try soap and water to remove it before my blood supply gets cut by the ring. Can't imagine blood supply being cut and finger turning gangrene. HAha...I think too much.

Times seems to come to a standstill when you are expecting something.

8 more days to my maternity leave. 24 more days to baby's arrival.

Seems like an eternity.

I think my face is swollen already. ZzzzZzz..

Everyday is a prelude to the birth of my little princess. I feel like I am struggling every single day. The regular 5 min walk to the mrt can now take me 15 mins. Its tough for me to walk any faster as she is pressing on my bladder and with every step, I feel an increasing urge to pee.

My back aches from having to carry so much extra weight and my hubby is too lazy to give me a massage. I need a good rub down. Sighs....

I feel exhausted all the time. 12 hours of sleep doesn't seem to be sufficient at all. I can sleep throughout the day. In fact, I'd sleep throughout the day if I can.

I am getting more and more stretch marks! Yikes! What can I do to prevent them? Hubby commented that my skin looks like watermelon already! ALAMAK!!!

I think I'm dying.

My back aches. So does my tummy. I can't walk for long distances already. Baby is pressing on my bladder and I constantly feel a need to go pee.

I'm feeling very tired. I can sleep 12 hours a day and yet still feel exhausted.

Can I just lie in bed and not get out?

Can I have baby induced? I'm considering having baby induced.

Although I plan to have a natural birth...Sighs...plans change when one is suffering. lol.

I will try to bear with it.....I'll try!

Sighs...its tiring to be living on a shoestring budget everyday. Its like, there's so many things that I want to do but am unable to afford.

Seriously, I can't imagine what life will be like 10 or 20 years down the road. I am no longer living for myself, I am living for my baby and I can't just do things on a whim. I can't just quit my job just because I don't enjoy what I am doing.

I got to think twice because I have a mouth to feed. I hate living my life like that. I am an Aquarius. We are free people who will not be tied down but here I am, being tied down by this thing in me.

Sometimes I do think if its a mistake. Having a baby so early in life. Are we pushing things a little too far?

There are times when I question myself. Why did I marry my husband? Do I really love him?

One thing that I know for sure when I married him is that he will never have an affair. Why? He is too dependent on me. He relies on me all the time, on everything. Yes, I really mean everything. Like our application for a HDB flat, I have to do everything by myself and I really mean every single thing. Sighs...

It can be mentally draining at times but I guess that is the price to pay for a Silly Hubby whom I know will never do anything behind my back.

I can read him like a book and I don't think he got the guts to do anything behind my back. He knows that I will KILL him! LOL

He sticks to me like a leech and I've got no freedom....well, thats what I got to sacrifice for a hubby like that. Do you think its worth it? I have no idea either. At least him running away and having an affair is the least of my worries. Haha....

I am irritated with my hubby!

Yesterday evening, I was lying in bed when I decided to lift my shirt to inspect my tummy and I realised that I have more stretch marks at the bottom of my tummy. I was so upset at the sight of these new stretch marks and I had to examine them further so I pushed my tummy up a bit and I was grumbling to my hubby about the new stretch marks when I got a scolding from him.

Hubby: “Don't push so hard lah, you'll hurt the baby!”
Me: “Wah lao eh, your baby is protected by the amniotic fluid leh!”
(Me thinking, “KNN, all you care about is your baby lah. I'm getting stretch marks all over for your baby but you don't even care!”)

Fiaked up right? Wah lao eh, how insensitive can he be? I'm getting new stretch marks everyday and all he thinks is that if I press on my tummy too hard, I will hurt his baby!

How insensitive can a man get?

I seriously don't understand....I know that the best way to fight water retention is to drink more water. I drink more than 2 litres of water everyday and I can still get water retention!!! What the FIAK? It doesn't make sense at all! Ok lah..my water retention isn't really that bad and it only shows at the ankles. When I press hard on the flesh for 5 secs, the flesh will be dented in. Sighs...

My stretch marks are growing. For you ladies out there who complain of having those white stretch marks, I tell you, its nothing compared to those red and angry looking ones. Yup, I'm getting those. You get those when you really "ssstreeetccchhh". My nightmare is only just beginning.....

How do you know when you are getting seriously obese? When your inner thighs start rubbing against each other and starts chafting!! ARGH!!!!

Sighs. Just called up HDB's Credit Department to confirm hubby's loan application documents. Turns out that he is considered a freelancer so its highly probable that the loan amount will be entirely based on my salary. With my kind of salary....at the most loan get $150k nia.

Like that how lah? Can we find a flat at that price? Of course not lah. Wah piang eh. Damn sian one leh. Early in the morning get this kind of fucked up news really very depressing.

Just sent another email to HDB's Rental Department to check if we are eligible to rent a flat from HDB directly. I think we will have to make another trip down to HDB to make an enquiry in person. SIAN!

I am starting to feel tired easily these days. It feels like I can never get enough sleep everyday and I am dragging my dead body to work.

In the office, I can easily doze off. Sighs...3 more weeks to my maternity leave. Feels like an eternity...

The days feel longer and longer. Baby keeping me up at night makes me feel like I'm not getting any sleep at night.

3 more weeks.......3 more weeks......3 MORE WEEKS!!!!

Its gonna be a long day today. Didn't sleep well last night. No idea why but I just kept waking up during the night. zzzZzzZZzzz...

Had a scare this morning. Went to the toilet when I first reached office this morning and scared myself silly when there's fresh red blood in the toilet bowl. I passed urine only and there was blood...then I realised that its from my anus.

Duh....I'm probably having piles lah. Nothing serious. I kept wiping to make sure that its from my anus and not from my vagina. Haha....What a way to wake one up in the morning eh?

Its gonna be a long day ahead. I'll have to go Toa Payoh later to retrieve my netbook's box, go buy hubby's shaver blades and a new fan. The one that we're using is dying on us...and I'm already falling asleep. ZZzzzz.....

How does one know that one is getting really very very fat? When one realises that he/she can no longer cross her legs properly and thats what I am experiencing! I'm put on 25 kg! ARGH!!!

I almost died last night. We tried to sleep without the aircon and I swear, I almost died. I feel so suffocated and hot. I was pespiring when I tried to sleep....I couldn't breathe. In the end, I switched on the aircon.

My back is starting to ache a bit. I get breathless very easily. I can't finish my meal without take a break in between. I feel giddy. I'm almost in distress already.

And I'm only 33 weeks?! Damn....I'm DYING ALREADY!

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Anyway, we sold off our PSP yesterday. We bought it from a friend for $250 about a year ago and we sold it off for $150. Loss of $100 but we take it as depreciation. We had no use for it anyway...if we do play, we're always fighting over it. So might as well take back some money from it.

I'm also trying to sell my netbook. Thinking of buying a proper laptop after selling of this netbook.

I like this netbook. Its got 6 cell battery can last up to 5 hours. Only problem is that the screen is too small for me at 10inches and I hate having to squint at the screen. Oh, the keyboard also poses a problem to my hubby...He only knows the one finger typing skill and the keyboard is too small for him. LOL...

Its Children's Day today. Come this time next year and I will be celebrating it with my little girl. Sighs....sometimes, it still scares me to know that I'm gonna be a mother soon.

Anyway, I was reading a blog that I found of a girl from Flowerpod. Its damn funny lah...not funny as in what she posted on the blog but the way she seeks attention. She goes around the forum telling people that she used to be bullied and teased for being fat and that she is losing weight already...all the blah blah blah...

I went through her blog, looked at her photos and guess what? She is still fat. You can see from her posts dating back to 2007 that she has been talking about losing weight and she has never done it. Whats funnier is that she has not posted any photos of herself for the past 2 months.

And she said she lost weight? I don't see a change in her from the photos dating back to 2007 to the photos posted 2 months ago. HAHA....Attention seeker!

Only been a few days...and we sold off my Nokia N97! Lol...Hubby bought the phone for $600 and we managed to sell it off for $680. And soooo........I got a new phone!

The previous owner of this phone used it for only 2 months and he's selling it coz he's not used to it. I'm not very used to it either but I'm tryint to learn....
I applied for Blackberry Internet Service with Singtel and it is gonna cost me a whopping $30 extra per month! Expensive hor? The price to pay to stay connected. I'm not going to renew my plan when it expires. I'll switch to a cheaper plan instead. HAha....

I absolutely hate my uncle. He's my grandma's first son. The eldest. If I'm not wrong.

He has been cheating my grandma of her money. Yes, damn shit. He jolly well knows that she is already senile and yet he keeps asking her for money. When my mom called him to confront him, he dare say that he is very broke and in need of money and that he owes loansharks money. Fuck him. He is the one who borrowed the money. Why are we the one to bear the brunt for him?

For so many years. he has never given my grandma a single cent and now, he wants her to sell her HDB flat and give him part of the money from the sales. Where is my grandma and my mentally disabled aunt going to stay? God must have been sleeping to let a man like that live for so damn long. When he was rich, he did not even think of my grandma. Now that he is broke, he keeps asking my grandma to sell the flat and give him the money.

KNNBCCB!

Now that my granda is old and senile, I really don't know what is going to happen. When she goes, my mentallly disabled aunt will be the only legal owner of the flat. I bet my last dollar that they will bring her to sell the flat off and my aunt being mentally disabled, will not know better.

My uncle is already suggesting putting my granda in a old folks home and my aunt in the Institute of Mental Health. So convenient right? Just throw them all away. Damn....I hate having relatives like that!

Hubby got me a new phone. The Nokia N97.

Ok lah...He sold my Nokia 5800 and topped up $200 for this phone. I topped up $100. Not exactly a gift. Actually, he's dying to lay hands on this phone so its actually his idea that he buy this phone. He wanted to buy and then resell it for a profit but when he got it, the selling value is not there anymore, meaning that if he were to sell if, he'd at most break even. So I thought why not I take this phone and this phone ended up with me lor.....

The features are pretty much similar to my Nokia 5800. Just that this touch screen is more sensitive to my touch, has a QWERTY keyboard and has higher megapixel at 5mp compared to the Nokia 5800's 3.2mp. Hmm....not too bad a phone I guess. I don't really like that the battery life is very short so I got to carry it's charger all over the place and that the charger is not the standard Nokia charger but its the USB type of charger so I can't just borrow it. If only they standardise all the chargers....

The long weekend is over. I'm back at work. Did I ever mention how much I hate my work? The only motivation is my salary. Currently I'm getting 1.8k which is quite a fair bit for someone who has only a NITEC cert like I am. I'm planning to do a private diploma after I have my baby and I will leave this company. It sucks. LOL.

I didn't really do much during the weekend. Actually, I can't really remember what I did....alamak...I'm starting to lose my memory. Keke...

Wait...let me try to recall...

Friday...went back to my mom's place, had dinner and stayed for the night. Its my usual friday routine.

Saturday...Ooooo...Now I remember...Had steamboat at hubby's place with his family. His parents, sisters and their partners. Ok lah. The usual steamboat fare lor. After that...watched TV the whole night.

Sunday...slept in the whole day and later in the evening, accompanied hubby to his usual kopitiam and kept him company while he drank with his friends. Like some old uncle...drink at kopitiam. Obviously, I can't drink so I was playing with his Iphone the whole time. My hubby like to drink lah. He says its his only hobby and those guys at the kopitiam are people who watched him grow up. LOL.

Monday..Hubby's off day coincided with mine so we both slept in! Stupid hubby switched off the aircon at 8plus and I woke up at 9 plus all sweaty. Darn irritating lor....I wake up soon after the aircon is switched off. Can you imagine how hot I felt? I wanted to move back home for good. Back at my place, I can on the aircon 24/7 and no one will nag at me. At his place, I have to bear with the heat in the afternoon or his mom will nag about the electricity bills. Sighs. I miss home lah!

I am dying to move back home but hubby keeps saying that he won't be able to sleep without me.....I don't believe him, confirm he will sleep when he is tired de...but I just can't bear to leave my hubby alone. HAha..I wonder what will happen to him when I go home for my confinement...

It feels like I haven't slept all night...My back aches, tummy aches, hip aches. Everything aches! I remember tossing and turning throughout the night. I need sleep. I reckon that the two weeks of maternity leave I took before my EDD will be spent sleeping....

Went for my 31st week check up yesterday. The check up is supposed to be done only on the 32nd week but I will be in my 32nd week only on Monday which is a public holiday. Apparently, doctor prefers to do the check up earlier then later.

Anyway, baby is 1.8kg. I think its a little small but he says its a good weight. The last time I went, baby was 1.2kg so she put on about 600grams. Hmm...I'm guessing that she will be somewhere near 3kg when she is born. 

Her face is half covered by the placenta - I think my placenta looks huge! Its almost the same size as the baby - and we couldn't really see anything clearly. I asked to do a 4D scan but was advised by my doctor not to. He says that I do not have enough fluid in front of baby's face and the money will be wasted.....

I forgot to ask doc for baby's scan photo again!!! Its been 8 months and I only have 3 of baby's scans. I'm so forgetful! Hubby says its ok coz we can't really see anything in the scan anyway but still....I feel like an idiot...

We went to HDB Hub after the check up. Had to check with the loan officer how we can get the HLE letter. So troublesome...Hubby is self employed but he does not own the stall that he is using now so he can't apply for income tax so he can't use income tax to declare his income. He had to do a statutory declaration to declare his income.

Anyway, got it done and I'll be printing out everything so that we can send out the HLE application letter. I wonder how much can we loan.....

31 weeks and I'm going for my check up today. Somehow, I expect my gynae to say that my EDD will be earlier coz I can feel that she is so big already! She is kicking at my ribs all the time, especially when I am seated at my office desk working away. It gets so uncomfortable that I have to lay back at time and try rubbing my tummy to make her not kick at my ribs.

Its back to the days of having to wake up in the middle of the night to pee. Sighs....I hate that feeling. My sleep is also getting disturbed as I feel her doing her yoga moves in the night.

I am pretty sure that my baby will turn out to be a Kung-Fu expert. I think she is using my ribs for weight resistence training, that explains the kicking of the ribs...

6 more weeks of work to go before I can take maternity leave. It certainly feels like a lifetime! My quality of sleep is so bad now that I feel so tired every morning. I wish I can just go back to sleep and not have to work.

Crap lah.....The lady who was employed to take over my position cannot do her work and is definitely gonna make a mess of things when I am gone. Teehee....I hope that they will ask me to take over once I am back so that I can request for a pay raise. Maybe 20%? Then I will be getting $2k+. Quite a big amount for a ITE grad. LOL. Some diploma grads are not getting when I'm getting even after a few years in the workforce...

Enough of crapping. Update again after the check up!

Only 31 weeks and my back is breaking already.

I am starting to get tired easily. I can feel the little one poking at my ribs all the time and its very very uncomfortable.

I keep dozing off at work! How I wish I am on maternity leave already so that I can sleep all day...

6 more weeks to my maternity leave and it seems like a lifetime!

I finally found the button to upload images....but I still can't find the one to upload videos. *sObs*

Okay....I still can't post photos. I wonder what happened to the button which we normally use to upload photos. Its gone, for like 2 weeks.

Anyway, I went to Orchard Ion for the first time on Saturday! Had a great time walking around town with my beloved sister. Hubby was being a pig at home. He hates going to town...heehee...

I went to Cotton On and bought a cardigan and a top. Cost me 40 bucks. I was shocked that I can fit in the clothes at Cotton On! I'm so big sized and yet I can fit into their clothes! Happy! Lalala~~

Went Bugis with hubby and my two little godsons. Its really tiring! One is four years old and the other is 1 and a half. Its tiring to have to look out for them when they walk. I wonder why issit that they don't look up when they walk and just keep banging into people.

I'm kinda scared...I'm not a patient person and trust me, I can be very very strict and fierce with kids. I'm worried that I might kill my own kid. Heehee...I almost drowned my godson the last time I went swimming with him. Now, my hubby should be afraid, be very afraid...

I have to admit that I am not a good blogger. My thoughts fly all over the place and I am never able to put them in order.

One moment, I am thinking of food and the moment I am thinking of something else.

Reading my blog might prove to be pretty tiresome. I used to write very good compositions in school. I wonder what happened to that eloquent me?

I guess I left my standard of english hanging somewhere out there.

Oh dear, I'm falling asleep in the office....zzzzzZZzzZzzz...I dozed off while typing this. heehee....

I can't post photos!! This has gone for more than 1 week! I wonder what is wrong with blogspot. The buttons for posting of photos are all gone! ARGH!!

So many things I want to do and yet so little time and limited money.

I want a new tattoo that covers my entire back but I haven't found anything that I like. Maybe I should psycho my hubby to get one as well. Teehee...I think his mom will strangle me.

I want to lose weight. Got to wait two months for the little one to pop before I can start.

I want to do a diploma course in private secretary. It seems that they pay secretaries very well. I heard that a secretary with 5 year working experience or more can demand for at least $4k.hmm...

I want to go drinking. Its been too long...I need to feel the alcohol coursing through my bloodstream again.

I want to go running, jogging. I want to go for hashes! I need sports!

I want so many things!!!

Life is never easy. I've always asked my mother why give birth to me and my sisters when she don't love us.

My parents' marriage broke up when I was 11 years old. My dad had an affair. The separated when I was 11 years old but my dad had friends who "guarded" the door. My dad would appear when my mom brings a man home. My dad once confronted the guy at the corridor and they almost got into a fight. Luckily, there were police at the carpack behind my block investigating something and so I alerted them. It felt like I called the cops on my dad.....They finalised their divorce when I was 14 years old.

Just before they finalised their divorce, I found out that my mom was seeing a married man. I was disgusted. Her own marriage was broken up by a third party and yet she is seeing a married man. There was once my sisters and I went home late. Without keys, we knocked on the door. Guess what we saw? Our mother wrapped in a towel, obviously naked previously, coming to open the door for us. The man was in her room. We went home, showered and watch tv in the living room but we could still hear moaning from my mom's room. I was 14 and my sisters were 12 at that point of time.

She broke off with the man after a year. When I was 15, I received a call from my younger sister one day saying that my mom brought a man home. I confronted my mother and she said she pitied the guy coz he had nowhere to stay. I scolded her. I called her a slut. "Pua lok kuay" is what we say in hokkien. Yes, I called my mother that. So he had nowhere to stay, what business of yours is that? Anyway, he can sleep in the living room. Why share your bed? So that you can get laid? Why not just admit that you are itching down there?

I scolded her so bad that she cried. She promised me that there is nothing going on between him and her and that nothing will ever happen. 3 days later, I received a call from my sister to tell me that she saw them kissing. WTF. I give up. My mom is a slut. Period.

Yucks. Thats all I can say. I hate my mom. I seriously hate her. One of my younger sister had sex when she was 14 and went to the police coz she was afraid she'd get pregnant. I think she simply followed my mother's footsteps.

My other sister got sick of my mother and turned lesbian, I think. LoL.

I still get angry when I think of all the times that my mom lied to me. Oh, and her boyfriend now, is useless. Literally useless. Lives off my mom. Doesn't contribute a single cent. I think the only reason my mom lets him stay is because he gives her a good fuck.

Nothing much going on in my life right now.

Oh yar, my primary school classmate actually posted up one of our class photos and it became a reunion of some sorts. I want to upload the photo up here but I can't seem to find the button for uploading of photos.

I wonder if there is something wrong with blogger again. Its been like that for the past 3 days! Shall update again when blogger is okay.

I got milk!!

Wooohoo!!

The colostrum appear last night! I was applying my stretch mark cream when my hands got itchy and I squeezed a bit to see if the milk will come and there it was! Colostrum, the very first drop of milk! WEETS!

I am now officially a milk cow. WOAH!

I absolutely dread coming to work. Especially when I have to face stupid people who do not know how to take initiatives. Blah.

The lady who is replacing me is like that. In my opinion, she is useless, slow, stupid to the extent of being beyond hope.

Alamak, I shouldn't be so mean. Okay...I will ask her to join Sammie and myself for lunch. But...we won't get to gossip...

The following is what my friend posted as a note on his Facebook:-

Sat, Aug 29, 2009

I honestly don't like Singaporean men very much. They bore me. The majority are so homophobic that they wouldn't even appreciate Sacha Baron Cohen's alter ego, Bruno! Or maybe, it could simply be insecurity arising from the fact that they have on multiple occasions unwittingly exposed themselves to Bruno. Don't know what I'm talking about?

Yet, I do need to credit Singaporean men with a couple of things.

1) Singaporean men are rock steady. Because of the risk-adverse nature of the well-educated, average Singaporean male, he is effectively the financial pillar for any woman and tai-tai's-to-be. Never mind the financial turmoil, he's probably got it all planned and sorted somewhat.

2) Singaporean men are steadfast, loyal and faithful to a cause. Foreign female friends rant and rave about how the Singaporean Joe is ever eager to please. Their Asian roots help - no further for a doting father and family man.

3) Singaporean men are so united. In a relaxed setting, two things effectively bind men here - and that's army talk and soccer talk. I've witnessed so many Singaporean Joes chummying up within minutes of idle banter on these two default topics.

4) Singaporean men respect their elders and tradition. While increasingly local women stray on this, the men remain stalwart.

Moving on, time to get bitchy with the bitches - the worst of Singaporean women. I tend not to develop close relationships with many Singaporean women because their faults repulse me so much.

When you do catch me with female company during the weekends, you'd discover that they aren't local, or they have spent many years abroad, or also hate other Singaporean women with a passion. What's there to dislike? Too much!

1) Sarong Party Girls (SPGS). I was at Attica some weeks back, just tagging along with some friends. I was rolling my eyes over and over again. Local girl after local girl were hurling themselves at Ang Moh men, disregarding the Caucasians' looks and profession. If you think that these SPGs are those who are sexed up, dressed in tight or revealing clothing and beach-tanned, that isn't sot. The SPG mentality is so widespread there is even a SPG in every Plain Jane.

2) The Non-SPGs are unadventurous and boring. They are the "I don't know, anything goes!" type. What's their idea of spending the weekend? Shopping, lying in bed, watching Korean or Japanese soap operas. Ask them out to go for in-line skating, cycling or shooting it out at paintball and they'd talk you out of it.

3) Spineless, shapeless wrecks. She NEVER lives for herself but always about what her boyfriend wants, what her mother wants, father wants, friends want. The biggest irony? Her friends are equally lost! Unlike the robust women from the West, these Vanda Miss Joaquims have no dreams, goals or passions. Oh sorry, I forgot - they do however continually seek out men they can leach inspiration from and direction from. The one time you never want to be close to a Singaporean woman is when she is out of job and bumming. They are just SO DRAINING! At least in Japan, women are domestic lords.

4) Complacent As Hell. The Singaporean woman naturally doesn't give a damn about her appearance, what with all that "if he loves me, he'll accept me for who I am" jazz. To them, getting attached is an excuse to get fat, as is getting hitched, having a baby, or becoming a mom. I know this too well. I live with one, the Monster Mom. Don't blame your husband or boyfriend for the "overtime work" or inordinate amounts of "business travel".

5) They are prissy. Hello? The poor guy's only asking to go out with you. It's not like he's proposing. And where have you been? Reproduction ain't the sole function of sex.

6) Twisted, warped minds. Girls reading this may attest to hating your moms. I wouldn't speak so soon. It's a vicious cycle.

7) Choping seats with tissue paper. Absurd and completely unacceptable.


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1. Oh come on, this is so shitty. Who says that all Singaporean women has got a SPG in them? I, for one, dislike caucasian men. I am no lover of some stupid Bread Pitt or Fernando Torres. Come one lah. Whats so attractive about them?

2. Huh? What about the lazy Singaporean men? All that they do is sit around to talk about their cars. You think they do sports? More like they meet for that pint of beer!

3. So, what are the dreams of Singaporean men? To earn enough to provide for their mothers?

4. Crap! We are always trying to make ourselves prettier. Unlike you men who think that you should be accepted for whatevery pig that you resemble. There are so many 30 year old men out there who sport a huge beer belly and they don't do a single thing about it. You always see pretty girls hanging on the arms of fat and ugly men. Singaporean men are the ones who don't give a damn about how they look!

5. Reproduction isn't the sole function of sex so are you gonna go hump everyone you meet like a bunny since its so pleasureable?

6. Yup, the one who wrote the note has definitely got a warped and twisted mind.

7. Don't make it sound like the men don't do it. I definitely don't chop seats with tissue packets but I've definitely seen the men do it and I've ever seen them chop seats with cigarette packets.

Stop criticising the women only!

Slow - The one word that I use to describe the lady replacing me.

She is sooooooo slow! Just like a sloth!

Send her an email at 9.16am and I get a reply at 5.30pm. Mind you, she is new and will be taking over my duties and from what I see, I haven't given her anything much to do.

She is so slow I get frustrated sometimes.

I wonder what will things be like when I'm gone. She will be left to die on her own. Teehee...none of my business though. I'm anticipating my maternity leave.

Oh and she does not listen to our advise. I'll be waiting to see how she dies.......OHOHOHOH!

Short Girls on Scramblers or Other Big Bikes

Short Girls on Tall Bikes.

They are a HAZARD to other road users!

If they are tall enough to have their feet touch the ground, its still considered okay. Its the whole feet on the ground and not tip toeing, mind you!

They are TIP TOEING! For goodness sake! They can lose their balance anytime and who is gonna save them when they topple over? They will get run over by the other cars!

ALAMAK! Girls who are too short should be banned from getting big bikes!

What are they gonna do when they come to a traffic light? Step on the tyres of the cars beside them or throw a stool on the ground so that they can step on it? (must remember to tie a rope onto the stool so that they call reel it in when the light turns green)

Its extreme stupidity!

Stupid Old Woman

Okay. I officially HATE my CEO's Secretary.

She is such a biatch.

She does nothing in the office but to make calls to her boyfriend and spend all her fucking time chatting with him on the phone and over msn.

I heard her boyfriend was previously from our company too. He was the Finance Manager, married so was she. Apparently, the story was that she fell in love with him and decided to seduce him and broke up both his and her family.

I wonder if her boyfriend really is working since all his waking time is spent talking to her on the phone. bleah..

Ok, back to the topic. I really dislike this LAO CHAR BOR.

A lot iof work to do meh? Always claiming that she not no time for this, no time for that. Wah piang eh, really feel like slapping her upside down sia.

Now, she is being told to handle all contracts for the company, confirm she will try to siam one mah. Wah lao eh, dunno if my CEO is blind, pay her to do nothing but chat on msn and on the phone with her boyfriend all day long.

I want to CC her in one fucking email also must get her farking permission!

Damn fiak...

Blogger Templates

I am an idiot when it comes to templates. Damn...I wanna add so many things onto my blog but I have not a single idea how to go about.

Like right now. I'm trying soooo hard to edit my blogger template. So many stuff to add onto my template lah.

Somehow, I have a feeling that nothing will work out. I'll end up copying someone else's template and using it. Just like I always did....

Moving Down...

Come September, I'll be moving down. From level 6 to level 4. From Sales & Marketing to Business Development.

I took a few shot of my table and you'll be able to see how messy I am. Lol.


Can you see the mess?


Here's my desktop




Once I move down to level 4, I suspect that I will be shaking leg all day long. ROFL. SHiok arh!!

My Monster

Feels like its been a long time since I last blogged. Heehee...very lazy and don't have a single idea what I'm gonna type. Now, here's a video clip of the monster in me kicking.

3 more months to go...

And I haven't bought a single thing for my baby!

First things first, I think I'll need to get a baby sling, a stroller and a cot. Alamak...I totally forgot about it. Damn...so many things to buy!

I need a check list...what are the things that I need. In case I forget. I'm looking at all the 2nd hand strollers on ebay now. Hopefully I can get something cheap and good....ARGH!!

Tuesday Blues

The long weekend is over!! *Sobs*

I wanna stay at home and rest! I'm so tired today. Feeling super cranky and I can just bite off anyone's head. RAWRRRR!!

Tuesday blues! I am praying for November to come soon so that I can stay home and sleep all I want. heehee...Yes, I am lazy but I've been working for 2 years non stop! NO breaks, no long vacations! Tired of it all. I just wanna stay home and rest...

Depressed

I am depressed. I just realized that I can never travel out of the country. My hubby got no passport, he probably wont get one for the next 10 years and he is too lazy to apply for a temporary one. He definitely won't let me travel without him. I feel locked up. I feel JAILED up.

I'm tired of our relationship. Tired of his always wanting something better, newer, more expensive.

We just bought a new TV. I was told to pay $200. He just bought a pair of new spectacles costing $260, I paid $130. I'm told to pay half for every thing and I don't ask him to pay a single cent for baby at all. Baby's check up. He paid nothing. Baby's package, he paid nothing. He won't need to pay a single cent for my baby's labour. Most of it will be paid by my Medisave and I will pay for the rest out of my own pocket.

We went grocery shopping on Wednesday. He spent close to $50 for rice, toilet rolls, tissue paper and some tidbits. I was telling him that I will pay for it but he insisted on paying. Guess what happened? He was nagging and complaining all the way home! Saying that he spent so much money when he don't even earn that much, that he is disappointed that I never offered to pay half. I was like...KNN lor! You told me not to pay, you are the one who declined my offer and now you're saying that I never offer to even pay half? WTF! Then I told him that if he expects me to pay half, then say! Don't act like gentleman and say don't need only to end up nagging at me! What more, you are the man aren't you? You SAID you're supposed to provide for the family right?

ARGH!!! My blood boils at the thought of it. KNNBCCB!

I am born a pampered life. I had a maid since I was a BABY okay. Now that I move to your place, I sweep your room for you, wash my own clothes and yet you expect me to HANDWASH my clothes?


ARGHHHHH!!!!

Am I Wrong?

Quarrel with hubby again over where baby and I are going to stay after I give birth.

I proposed moving back home, staying at home during the weekdays and going back to his place over the weekends and he is giving me hell.

I don't see what is wrong with me staying at my place where I have MAIDS to take care of my baby. His place? Everyone is working! Well, his dad is jobless now, so am I supposed to ask his dad to take care of the baby?!

He really is ridiculous. He keeps saying that my insisting to move back home is being childish. What is he going to do? Employ a maid to look after our kid?

I've got TWO maids at home! One to help my mother out, the other one to look after my grandma, I'm pretty sure it will be okay if they shared the responsibility to look after my kid?

He is so freaking childish and yet, he is saying that I am childish. I feel like strangling him!

Not A Good Day...

Today is not a good day for me. I'm not feeling well. My tonsils hurt and I'm feeling groggy. Wish I can jump into bed and sleep. I think my tonsils are inflamed. Again.

Definitely not H1N1. I know when my tonsils is giving me problems. Grrrr...
Should have had them removed.

I'm falling asleep in the office. The little one is kicking me like there is no tomorrow. I'm contemplating quitting my job and doing a full time diploma. Should I? Hmm...its only a 8 months course. Maybe I should give it a try.

I Hate Work

Tuesday morning. Got medical leave from my gynae yesterday when I went for baby's monthly check up.

Bleah. I hate work. How I wish I can stay home and rest. Boring as it may be, its better than having to come to work and face idiots who think that I'm not doing my job. Bloody hell. They are the ones who are not doing their work.

Another irritating day with lots of stuff to do and to deal with idiots. How I wish I have all the money in the world so that I can just stay home and be a tai-tai. Sighs. Dream...

I Hate Chinamen

I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen
I hate Chinamen

Orchard Road!!

For the first time in months, I stepped onto Orchard Road with hubby!

First stop was definitely Wisma Atria and Takashimaya. There was sales everywhere, even at Armani Exchange! I'm soooo fat now I'm sure I cannot fit into any clothes and I didn't really bothered looking at clothes.

Me and hubby were trying to look for a sling bag that is to his liking. It was always either too small or two big for him. Can you imagine its already been 1 whole year and he hasn't found a bag that is to his liking? blah...

I saw a bag from CK that I liked but it was kinda expensive and its too big. We shopped from Wisma to Taka to Far East Plaza. From 4.30pm to 8.30pm at night.

I almost cannot believe that I managed to not buy anything except for one cap that cost me 40 bucks for hubby from AX. Its was the last piece and on discount. 50% discount! Oh, I forgot to mention, the service at AX SUCKS big time! The lady behind me in the paying queue was actually moved ahead by the sales assistant who served her. I was so angry! Why is she cutting my queue when I came first, just because someone served her? Damn...

We were so worn out by all the walking that we decided to take a cab. The queue at the taxi stand at Ngee Ann is outrageous! Where are all the taxis when one needs them? I saw some people board the "On Call" cabs when I'm pretty sure that they did not call for a cab. They were in the queue when they saw that there are people boarding cabs opposite the queue and decided to go grab a cab from there.

I wonder if the taxi drivers really confirm the passengers' identities before letting them even board the cab. Anyway, we waited for close to an hour before we finally managed to get a cab. So tired on the way home....but I did get to see the new Orchard Road in the end. haha...

Finally I Can Feel Movements!

Yeah!! I can finally feel baby's movements liao wor! It feels a little like she's jabbing here and there. Teehee..

Sighs...Just the thought of the amount of weight I'd put on is enough to make me sick. How am I going to lose all this weight after she's born??? ARGH!!

Will I have time to go to the gym or workout?

Sighs...new manager, increased workload but no pay increase. I am so going to quit and stay home to shake leg after baby is born. That is...if hubby earns enough money. HAHA!!

20 Weeks Fatal Anomaly Scan

I went for the scan yesterday. Was so excited!

Waited about 20 minutes before I went into the room. I had to go in alone first. The radiologist - I think thats what to call her - scanned the baby and took measurements of her. Only when she is done did she call hubby in.

We saw her together. A little life that is growing in me. The radiologist said that baby is moving around but its weird that I don't feel a thing yet.

The scan was done, we waited for the report and then proceeded to see my doctor. Nothing much actually. He just told me that baby is doing fine and that I will start feeling her movements in the next one or two weeks. Oh, and he drew my blood for HIV tests.

Did I mention that baby's sex is confirmed to be a little girl? Heehee...I prefer girls to boys lah. Can dress her up prettily. haha....

The Men That I Like

There's so many different kinds of men I like that I can't remember them all!

I have something for ABCs - American Born Chinese, Koreans. Heehee...I think I love hearing the accent from an Asian.

1. Donnie Yen - I like his smile. I find his smile super sexy and when he acts in kung-fu movies, check out his eyes. So serious and focused. I think all women like a focused man. Oh, and not to forget his to die for bod. *drools*


2. Wilber Pan - This guy is cute. I like his smile too. Nice white teeth and thick luscious lips. Okay, this sounds weird. How about kissable lips?


3. Jerry Yan - Have you seen this guy smile? IF he smiled at me in person and looked into my eyes, I swear that I will fall to my knees! He's got dimples! Oh dear...just the thought of him smiling at me is making me drool!

I Got Married!

Darn..I must have been out of my freaking mind to get married.

I'm now officially Mrs. Luo.

*sighs*

It was never in my plans to get married this early. Thanks to the unplanned pregnancy. Hey, before you start flaming me, I got to say that I did use protection. In fact, I was on the pill when I got pregnant. I think its heaven's will that I got preggy and thus decided to have the baby and get married.

The wedding was fantastic.

Thanks to all my friends who made it possible. Ya, you know who you are. I love you guys to bits! It was amazing, friends I'd known for a decade helping out with my wedding. The feeling was AMAZING!

Now that the wedding is over, I can't help but miss home. Yes, I've moved into his place but not to worry, I will move back home soon. When my tummy grows bigger and it gets increasing difficult for me to walk. I'm sure my hubby will agree to let me move back home. teehee...

I'll upload my montage when I have the chance. P.S. The internet connection at home sucks!

Tummy Showing?

I think my tummy is showing already...A lady actually offered her seat on the train to me. OMG! I was like...WTF?!

Damn...how am I gonna fit into any wedding gown on my big day?

I hate my manager!

Yes, I hate him. Period.

We nickname him the "Mole". Any guesses as to why we call him that? Okay. Let me explain.

Firstly, he looks moley. lOl...his sort of balding head and his slightly protruding teeth resembles that of a mole. Oh, sorry to mention this - he has got a cleft lip and it showes his teeth even more.

Secondly, he is as deaf as a mole or he pretend to be deaf. Which, is irritating. He can't seem to understand what I am trying to get through his stick skull. Damn brainless. For those of you who don't know, a mole is both deaf and blind.

Thirdly, moles dig tunnels underneath the ground and is seldom seen. My manager is in hiding most of the time and you can never find him when you really need him.

Now, why do I hate him?

1. He shirks from responsibility. Yes, he is trained in the art of Taiqing all the work to all the other people around him, including me. He throws every single thing to me, no matter I am supposed to do it or not. Even stuff that are considered confidential and that I am not supposed to get involved in!

2. He whines. Yes, you heard me right. He whines like a baby. We work on level 6 but he always runs to the pantry at level 4 to whine to the people in the operations department!

3. He procrastinates. Always! Even when we are in the middle of a court case and the lawyer needs his input to fight the case.

4. He pushes all blame to me! For everything big and small, it will be "Ivy this, Ivy that!"

I hate him! Enough said!

Depression

Hormonal changes in me are causing me to go all weird.

I can't seem to be able to control my emotions and will get angry or cry at the smallest stuff. I am losing control over myself.

I think my hubby to be is bearing the brunt of things. I'm becoming more and more outspoken as in voicing out at any injustice or just things that irk me.

Thoughts of the future frighten me so much that I am frustrated. Knowing that what we earn now is not enough for ourselves, not to mention a baby. He tries to comfort me, saying that we can make money slowly. But, can a baby grow up slowly?

I think one may say that I think far too much and worry for things that have not happened but aren't we supposed to think ahead and prepare yourselves for what might happen? Isn't that why people buy insurance or put aside some savings?

He cannot tolerate a two minute talk about our future and tries to avoid the topic. Is this what men are all about? Avoiding the topic and then later claim to be thinking about the matter?

All he makes me feel is that he is avoiding the topic, not thinking about the future and just doing whatever he feels is right. Sighs..

I hate my Father-In-Law!!!

He is the one who taught my hubby to be such a loser!

Such a bad example! I hate him! A man who only knows how to talk and do nothing.

My mother-in-law asked him for money for our wedding, he can say he got no money and yet ask for 5 tables for his friend. What kinda fucker is that?

He aint gonna get no respect from me. You want respect? You gotta earn it. Don't expect to be respected just because you're senior. I tell ya what, Fuck IT!

Stop being a fucker who only knows drinking and gambling. Its time for you to wake up your idea. You wanna be a proud father? Show that you can do it and not be some mother fucker!

I absolutely loathe people like that!

Imagine me living with him? I'm already trying to keep my mouth shut about him. Trying to give him that little respect I have for him as my father-in-law. You reckon I'll keep my mouth shut for long?

Birthday...

A good day today, bright and sunny.

Getting ready now, go find daddy to cut the cake.

Going to bugis later, shopping with my hubby.

He's buying me my birthday pressie. I know it! lols..

Nobody's home today, only me and my boyfriend.

I love him, I love myself and I love the world.

Cheerios!

My Fight Against the Flab Monster!

Day 1.

Curry puff for breakfast.
Vegetarian rice for lunch. Only 1/4 rice, 2 servings of vegetables and 1 egg sunny side up.

Determined to keep dinner very very light. Will have to find a weighing scale and weigh myself.

Have to start stocking my office up with healthy snacks. Fruits...nuts..

Too the stair up to my office on the 6th storey this morning. One step closer to losing weight! Shall start doing the same for lunch and after work. Gambatte!

Fake Eyelashes!

I've always thought that its a hassle to glue on faux eyelashes and that they'd look very fake but hey, I was all wrong!

Last week, I had my first attempt at glueing on fake lashes. I admit that the first time really sucks. I was silly enough not to trim the lashes and I almost glued my eyelids shut. Okay....I'm exaggerating..lols..

After a few failed attempts, I finally realised that I must trim it to the length of my eye before I even try to glue them on. After that, it was all very easy.

I don't like the super long ones that looks super fake. I like the ones that look natural enough for everyday use. I'm still quite a newbie at it though, it takes me 15 minutes to glue them on but I like the way that they "open" my eyes.

I'm now addicted to them and I think I will continue sticking them on! The photos below are some photos with the super long and dolly eyelashes. They look nice in photos but are actually look very fake in real.