On 28th of June 2010, my beloved friend, Candy Kwek, passed away in a road traffic accident involving a lorry.

Dear Candy, I hope you are in God's arms now. You are greatly missed by all who know you. Your smile, your cheerfulness and everything about you.

God called you to His side because He loves you too. I pray that God has lifted all your pain and you are now in heaven with Him, surrounded by your favourite pink colour and Hello Kitties.

Only 21 years old, its a bit early but God has better plans for you as you are now living an eternal life. Please say hi to Lawrence up there. God must have called him back early so that he will be there to take care of you.

Please watch over your sister and your parents from above. They miss you badly. They never had the chance to see you for the last time but fret not, for we will meet again when the time comes. We will reunite in heaven, in God's arms.

Larissa has mastered the skill of clapping!

I feel like I have failed Larissa as her mother. She is already 6 months and 2 weeks only but she has only tried a few different kind of pureed food. Namely, pear, apple, sweet potato, white rice cereal and brown rice cereal. I want to pureed the foods and freeze them but there is really NO SPACE in the freezer. Morever, I get questioned by my mother in law when I even mention freezing the foods. Not to mention the fact that she will frown upon me putting a piping hot item into the freezer.

So, I can only make the foods for her on weekends when I am at home. Sighs....

I used to have two younger sisters, now I'm left with one and a half.

My youngest sister - 23 years old - just had her womb and breasts removed yesterday in a hospital in Thailand. Operation fully sponsored by my mother.

Somehow, this just shows how my mom dote on her so much that she has gone overboard.Which mom in her right mind will sponsor her daughter's womb and breasts removal operation?

Somehow, I feel sorry for my sister. She is now a transvestite.

In my opinion, I don't think such surgeries will make her any more "man" than she was previously since she was always asking mommy for money anyway and has never held down a job for more than 3 months.

Anyway, I will wait and see. I wanna see if she will support my mom when she is old and frail. Since my mom dotes on her so much, its only right that she take care of my mom till her old age, right?

I wanna see how a secondary school drop out, with no skills and being unable to hold down a job for long is going to support my mother - a chain smoker with gambling problems.

Maybe people may think that its not right, but given the way she treats my other sister like shit, I think my mom should have karma or retribution.

She is so biased it sucks to even see how she treats my sisters.

One has to wake up at 4am to work for her, the other one sleeps till 7 before getting up for work. One works till 2pm, the other finished at 1.30pm and they both receive the same amount of salary. Not to mention that one has to work everyday but the other can off as and when she wants.

Seriously? I hate my mom.

I absolutely HATE those girls who can eat, eat, eat and eat without getting fat!!!

I HATE reading blogs where they post pictures of food, food and more food and yet, they are soooo skinny!

God is so damn biased!!

I have a big frame, standing at 1.72m and at my lightest, I was 66kg, which is within the healthy BMI range but I was not skinny! I was still a UK size 12!

ARGH!!!! Now that I am 82kg, I'm a UK size 18! 

How the bleddy hell am I supposed to lose the weight?! When I was a size 12, I was taking only one tiny meal a day! Now that I'm breastfeeding, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SUSTAIN MY SUPPLY BY ONLY A TINY MEAL A DAY???!!!

I hate myself for having a big frame, for putting on so much weight during pregnancy!

  

Dear friends, I will be going bald for the Children Cancer Foundation's Hair for Hope Project 2010.

Please make a generous donation:

Hair for Hope 2010

It's been more than 6 months since the birth of Larissa and I have still got 18kg more to lose!! WTF!!!

I think its about time that I curb my eating as I've been gorging myself. Especially on days when I can't seem to express enough milk.

I seem to think that only by eating more will I get more milk. I know its very wrong but I tend to binge when the milk supply is low cause I actually feel depressed.

Somehow, I think breastfeeding has done me more harm than good. I tend to be very emotional when I can't get enough milk and I will snap at my hubby or just anyone who steps on my tail accidentally.

I have also been binge eating so much that I am not losing any weigh at all, in fact, I am putting on the pounds.

It doesn't help that Larissa is going through the milk strike period and is drinking only 120mls per session. I am trying to feed her more semi solids but she is rejecting them. I have tried sweet potato puree, apple puree, pear puree and white grain cereal but she just rejects them all. She will take a few mouths and then refuse to eat.

What am I going to do next??

I'm a paranoid mama. Period.

I don't allow people - mother-in-law or my mom - to give Larissa anything else that what I told them to. Absolutely no outside food at all.

I see some mummies giving their baby everything that they are having and I am kind of disgusted at that because in my opinion, babies should not be taking food with so much additives. I know I might offend some of you out there but it is only my opinion. I'm not gonna reprimand you for doing that but I just think that we shouldn't...

Larissa seems to have started going on milk strikes. She no longer wants to drink her milk. She take about 100mls on average and what is worse is that she is refusing to take her cereal and will stop after a few mouthfuls. Sighs....I'm not there to look after her and I don't know how I can help.

Die die want to watch tv...

 Giving her innocent face. lol.

Larissa is having fungal infection in her crotch area and her armpit - one side only.

She has been having redness at her crotch area and her armpit for the past few days. Initially, I brushed it off as nappy rash but yesterday her crotch area was a angry red color and looked like it had a fungal infection (I'm so thankful for my training as a nurse).

I found a pediatrician at Yishun which operates till 9pm and off we go to the doctors. 

Guess what the doctor said? Larissa is overweight and she is so chubby, the fats are keeping her crotch and armpit areas moist and warm - perfect for fungal infection. She initially wanted to tell me to cut down on her feeds but when she learned that Larissa is totally breastfed, she got a bit of a surprise. Hurhur...

Anyway, my poor girl now need to have her crotch and armpit area cleaned with purple lotion 4 times a day. The thing is...the pediatrician says that it will come back coz this will be a recurring problem! Wah Piang!!

I only realised recently that my life seems to have come to a halt after the birth of Larissa. There are so many things that I had plans for before I got pregnant and they all seem to be so far away and out of reach.

First of all, my motorcycle licence. I was at Practical 4 before I got pregnant. Only 4 more lessons to go. I'm contemplating going for lesson soon. I have to get my motorcycle!

Secondly, my plan to go for a diploma. I have only got a NITEC and its not sufficient. I'm planning a diploma in business, sales and marketing or even something to do with the media industry.

Thirdly, I haven't been clubbing for more than a year! I was walking home yesterday, listening to the songs on my iphone and a R&B song came up and I soooooo miss grooving to the music! I was almost dancing on the streets! haha...

In order for me to fulfill all of those, I think I will have to wait till I wean Larissa off breastmilk. Sighs....

Its a long way to go seeing that I intend to total breastfeed Larissa until she turns one year old.

My precious Larissa might have to go to an infant care centre soon. My mother-in-law who is taking care of her at the moment, has decided that she does not want to stay home to look after Larissa and that she is better off working outside.

I must say that is pretty interesting, seeing that she used to be a babysitter and would spend her days at home looking after other people's children. 

Perhaps its because of my "high-expectations". My insisting on no water for Larissa and cannot anyhow feed Larissa - I'm now insisting on no porridge, only purees and cereal for Larissa - which she is very unfamiliar with.

Maybe coz of my wanting her to bathe Larissa while I am at home...before I go to work, so that I can test the water temperature before she bathe Larissa. 

Its not that I want to nit-pick over what she does but the very first day she took over taking care of Larissa, she almost cooked burnt my poor baby alive. I was getting ready for work when my mother-in-law was bathing her. I heard a yell from Larissa and I thought it was weird since she is normally quite a quiet baby so I went to take a look and I found her lower body all red. I then tested the water and it was scorching hot! I got quite a shock myself and told my mother-in-law to put in more cold water as its too hot. My mother-in-law then mumbled that she on the hot water and forgot to check the temperature before placing baby in the tub. I was flabbergasted but I don't believe what she said. I know that she has a habit of shampooing Larissa's head while carrying her before putting her into the tub. This happened not once, but twice - I checked the water another time and found the water to be very hot. I seriously suspect there is something wrong with my mother-in-law's sense of touch....how to trust like that?

She also has the habit of getting Larissa's bathwater ready and not bathing her immediately. She will take her time to play with Larissa - something I don't like because the water would have cooled down too much already...Sighs.

I read from some mommies that eating oat actually helps increase one's milk supply thus

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I brought a tin of this to eat in office. No more rice! Only oatmeal!

My poor little baby had her 5th month jab on Tuesday and she had a fever on Wednesday. Poor Larissa woke up in the middle of the night on Tuesday and started fussing. It was only when I held her in my arms that she slept and even when she slept, she was whining. So poor thing right? She refuses to be put down to sleep and will cry out loud the moment I put her on the bed. I ended up having to carry her in my arms to sleep. 

I had to call my boss to tell him that I am on urgent leave in the morning. Larissa was at 38.1 degrees already and I cannot bear to bring myself to go to work.

The poor little thing was so whiny. I tried to feed her medication but she vomited and she vomited a lot, so much that she scared me. Thankfully, her fever went down later on in the afternoon. Sighs...My poor baby...

She vomited the second time I tried to feed her medication as well but this time, I haven't even fed her the medication, I simply placed the syringe next to her mouth. I think she just can't stand the smell of the medication....

Larissa when she was feeling a tad better.

Did you know that dolphins die of stress in captivity?

Did you know that Taiji, Japan is the largest supplier of show dolphins all over the world and that the dolphins that are not selected for the shows are killed for their meat?

The dolphinanium in Taiji, Japan, you can watch and eat dolphins and whales all at the same time?

When the International Whaling Comission banned commercial whaling in 1986, Japan reacted by tripling its killing of dolphins and porpoises.

Every year, 23,000 dolphins and porpoises are killed in Taiji, Japan.

They claim that it is in their culture to hunt dolphins but in truth, majority of their population do not know of this.

JAPAN IS TRYING TO HIDE THE FACT THAT SO MANY DOLPHINS ARE KILLED!

Filming is not allowed at The Cove, Taiji, Japan because they do not want the fact to be out. They know that if the world knows this, they will be stopped.

A lot of the dolphin meat sold in the world is passed off as whale meat because dolphin meat is toxic. It has high levels of mercury, at least 1000 times more than the recommended amount and can cause deformed babies in pregnant women. 

Take a look at the video in the link. The red pool is the blood from the dolphins killed. That one dolphin that you see struggling was speared.

The Japanese government actually tell their fishermen that dolphins are pests because they are depleting the fish in the ocean. Why are they doing that? Because they don't want to listen to the englishman, They are egoistic bastards.

Please sign the petition on facebook and save the dolphins.

The Cove PSA - My Friend Is....

This is so freaking irritating. I cannot upload videos. I have no idea why!

Instead of showing the video upload button, it shows a broken link. 

ARGH!!!!

I feel like a pig...because

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I finished a whole bar of chocolate in one sitting

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AND I TOOK LUNCH!

Hubby's Birthday

Its Monday again. Another dreaded day at work.

I have been very careless at work, keyed in two of my customers' orders wrongly and I was informed that I will have to pay for them. Sighs.

Haven't even got my first full pay check and already I have to pay money.

Whats worse is that I forgot to bring my ice pack and bag today so I have to borrow the fridge from the HR department. So sucky!

Anyway, it was hubby's birthday yesterday and we spent the day at my mom's place. We cabbed from Sembawang to Toa Payoh at about 11am. The moment we got there, we split the loot! My mom bought lots of imitation LV  bags and told me to choose one. I'm not rich enough to carry the real one lah. Anyway, I really am not suited to carry branded bags, it will always look fake on me. LOL

Later on, we all went to Toa Payoh to get our eyebrows shaped. I opted to have my face threaded as well. It really is a very painful experience. I can still feel pain now lor...ended up got talked into signing up a $150 for 12 times package. Ok lah...I like the way she shaped my brows so that it is not over plucked like most of the other people who shaped for me make it.

I brought Larissa out in the Baby Bjorn and I noticed many aunties who will actually sneak up on me and start touching Larissa's thighs! Alamak, shocked me a bit lah...I'm carrying her leh. Feels almost like they are touching me. LOL..

After we had our dinner at Toa Payoh Central, hubby went prawning with my sisters and their friends. I don't wanna go coz if I did, I'll have to stay there with him until about 10pm so lonely Larissa and me went to buy a cake for hubby. I told him that I will not be buying anything for him and not to expect anything so it was meant to be a surprise for him.

Luckily I took a cab back to Sembawang after that coz it started raining cats and dogs soon after I boarded the cab.

Stupid hubby got home only at about 11pm and we brought out the cake and sang a song for him. Larissa is in dreamland already so no pictures of her.

2nd Year Anniversary

How time flies.....its our 2nd anniversary tomorrow. 

I wonder what are we gonna do to celebrate. Actually, I really don't feel like celebrating. I'd rather just spend time with Larissa tomorrow. 

I seriously need to express on weekends. On weekdays in office, my average per express will only field about 120mls but Larissa is drinking 150 mls already. My supply in the freezer will only last one week of topping up. 

I pray that I will have the strength and determination to at least hit the 6 month mark. That's just one more month of hard work. I really don't think I will be able to hang on till she is one year old. I'm able to express 3 times a day only because now is the off-peak season at work and its a bit more relaxed. I really cannot imagine what it's like during peak season. I probably won't even have time to go for lunch, not to mention time to go express. Sighs...

Anyway, Larissa is now able to sit up though she still falls over sometimes. She also keeps wanting to stand up when we carry her down to sit. She will stretch her legs out straight and just refuse to sit. She is learning new things every. Sighs...My little baby is growing up!

There - she is sitting up.

Seeing that she had no other toys save for her walker to keep her occupied, I rented a exersaucer for her to play in. It costs me $55 for a month. You can get one for your little one from www.rent-a-toy.com 

As its rented, please don't expect it to be in brand new condition. The one I rented had a bit of wear and tear but still had sounds and it still lights up so I reckon its okay. The first two days I put Larissa in there, she actually cried. I think she felt kind of overwhelmed. After 2 days, she sort of warmed up to the exersaucer but she will sit in there for 20 minutes max and then start crying to be carried. I actually thought of buying it initially, so lucky that I rented it first.

I intend to rent a different toy for her every month so that she will have new toys to play every month.Go rent one for your kid too!

Larissa in her exersaucer

It Works!

If you checked out my earlier posts, I mentioned that I will post up reviews of the products I ordered from iHerb that supposedly help to boost milk supply.

 I have started on the Organic Mother's Milk Herbal Tea for about two weeks. Before I took the tea, each session of expressing will yield me about 90~100mls of breast milk. After I took the tea, my supply started increasing!

My average yield per session has now increased to about 130~150 mls! Amazing isn't is?

Imagine my surprise when I got 210mls this morning! All this while expressing at work! Woots!

Quick, use this code DOH681 to place your order now on iHerb.com. 

I am not doing an advertisement, this is what I really experienced!

My brainless mother!!

I'm so effing angry with my mom! Can you believe that she actually fed Larissa half boiled egg and sugar sweetened barley?

I've told her million times not to feed Larissa anything else but her milk but she just don't listen!

Babies aren't supposed to take eggs as eggs, especially half boiled ones may contain salmonella - a kind of bacteria which is life threatening to a baby! Some babies are also allergic to eggs and it can be life threatening!

Larissa is not showing any symptoms but I'm considering taking her to the PD to have her checked to make sure she's ok.

Damn my mother. God damn her wretched soul.

She's supposed to take care of my baby but that bitch went to the casino and gambled from dusk till dawn! How can I entrust my baby to her when she hasn't slept the whole night?

So angry with her!!!