So tiring!

I never thought that it would be this tiring to take care of a baby!

I have been having fever for the past 3 days due to engorged breasts. Had to get my hubby to massage my breast real hard before the engorgement went down. I still have a feeling that its engorged...I'm going to TMC on saturday for my checkup and I think I will check with the nurses there if they can massage for me.

Now that my boobs are not that engorged, they are bruised like mad and damn painful. LoL...

I haven't been able to walk properly too. I think the massage lady pressed too hard and hurt some of my nerves, causing me to have leg pains. I did the massage only twice and stopped it as I found it too oily to my liking. Morever, I cannot shower! Kaoz...

The past 3 days have been really trying. Imagine having a fever burning you up, having aches and pains due to the fever, being unable to sit up due to the pain in the leg and still having to wake up in the middle of the night to breastfeed my baby! I felt like I was dying already! All I wanted was a night of rest and yet Larissa had to wake me up for her feeds. Sighs....

So very very tiring....

Larissa has a very bad habit of falling asleep during feeds and waking up once I put her down but she does not wake up immediately. She will wait till I settle down to go back to sleep before she starts crying for more milk. Crazy isn't it? Its at times like this that I feel  like killing her.

Oh, my mom has been stuffing the pacifier to her even though I told her not to. She also likes to let Larissa sleep on her stomach. All the things that I told her not to do has been done. And my irritating hubby keeps asking me when am I going to give Larissa water. At first, he was worried that baby did not get enough milk to drink and now, he is worried that baby is having too much to drink thats why she is pooping so much. And thanks to the stupid pediatrician who told him that we can give water. KNN. I hate that freaking pediatrician! Now my hubby keeps telling me that the doctor says can give water!

Sighs....ignorance...

Sick and tired

I'm sick and tired of staying under the same roof with my aunt. She is as raving mad as they get. How I wish I can just put her into the mental hospital.

I am getting out of here. I don't care if I fuck up my confinement.

I just want to get out of here. Being alone in a room all the time can drive oneself crazy. Especially when one has nothing to keep oneself occupied.

Larissa stays awake all night, not crying but just refusing to sleep....Me? I have to keep watch over her and I don't get to sleep too. I sleep only 3-4 hour a day.

A serious lack of sleep can drive one to have crazy thoughts.

Major Depression

I don't know why but I am feeling so depressed. My nipples are sore and hurt like mad when I am feeding Larissa as she does not know how to latch on properly. I've no idea how to make her latch on properly when she has been latching on wrongly the past few days.

I feel so tired. I haven't been getting much sleep due to waking up and feeding Larissa. I wish I can sleep a full 8 hours.

I miss my hubby. Yes, he has been here to visit me and even stay over with me but I miss being alone with him. I miss having time for ourselves, I miss hugging him to sleep.

I feel so guilty when I look at my baby, guilty of the way I've behaved all these years and they way that I speak to my mother. Being a mother myself, I can't help but think of the way my mother felt when she first held me in her hands, when she first breastfed me and when she loved me.

I believe that she too, wanted the best for me just like the way I want the best for Larissa. I feel so ashamed of myself. Sighs....

Labour

I've given birth on 17.11.2009!

I was having contractions the whole day that day and at about 9.30pm, my contractions were coming at intervals of 15 mins. Hubby was soon on his way in a cab from Sembawang to Toa Payoh. I felt bad coz he had only left for home at about 8 and he had reached home for only a while before I called him to tell him that I had to go to the hospital. Waste of the cabfare....

Everything was alright at first. I changes into the hospital gown, gave them my urine sample and soon, was lying in the observation room and strapped onto the CTG to monitor my contractions and baby's heartbeat while hubby went to do the admission for me. I was officially admissioned into Thomson Medical Centre at 11pm.

There was another lady in the observation and her moanings scared me. She was moaning and almost screaming. I could hear her hitting her hand against the bed railings. My hubby also got a little spooked by the lady. I was telling him that the same thing will be happening to me in a while. LOL

The nurse did a check on me and I was only almost 3cm dilated. Normally, being a first labour, this would mean having quite some time to go before going into active labour. Not for me though.

After an hour or so, the pain got a little unbearable and I asked for the laughing gas. After the first few puffs, I was numbed. It felt good. I blanked out and couldn't feel the pain. So I got though most of the pain in a high.

Soon, the nurses told me there was an empty delivery suite and that they are going to wheel me in there. I got out of bed and went to the toilet to pee - amazing that I was so spaced out and could still walk. Got back onto the bed and was wheeled into the delivery suite. The moment I was wheeled into the delivery suite, I had intense labour pain that the gas couldn't help. The nurse was telling me that she thinks I need something stronger like the jab in the thigh or the epidural but I refused. I inhaled deeper on the gas and tried not to think of the pain.

The pain was so intense that when it came, I couldn't help but cry. I was crying and almost screaming to my hubby, telling him that its very very painful. My hubby felt helpless at that point of time. All that he could do was ask if I want the epidural. He told me to take it if I really can't take the pain. Scream and cry as I might, I insisted on no epidural....Until I couldn't take it anymore. I asked my hubby to call for the nurse and ask for epidural as it was only about 1.30am and I thought I still have a long way to go before I am fully dilated.

The operating theatre nurse did a vaginal examination on me and I was already 8cm dilated! It was amazing! I was told that I can't be more than 5cm dilated before I was wheeled into the delivery suite and here I was, almost ready to go into full labour.  I cannot be given the epidural anymore as I was too far into my labour. That explains the intense pain I was going through...My contractions were so intense that I was close to fully dilated in less than 3 hours' time.

Next thing I had to do was to wait for gynae's arrival. While waiting for him, I had the feeling to push and I was telling the nurse that I had to push but the nurse told me not to, in case I tore my vagina. I was like, "huh? then what?" She put my left down from the stirrups and told me to push gently but I had the urge to put my legs up on the stirrups, give one big push for baby to come out. lol

My gynae finally arrived. He was surprised that I'm going into labour so soon as he had just examined me in the afternoon and did not expect me until maybe Wednesday. Somehow, the contractions ceased the moment he burst my waterbag and I was chatting with him...until the contractions came again.

I remember I gave about 4 pushes and baby was out already.

She, Larissa Luo, is my everything. I love her with all my heart and soul.

Painful Contractions

I think this will be my last update for quite some time. I have been having painful contractions the whole day and I will be going to the hospital right after this post.

The contractions are damn painful sia...I went for check up only this afternoon, my gynae did a vaginal examination on me and I was almost 3 cm dilated already. I was told that I will probably give birth this one or two days but the contractions is really killing me already.

I decided that I'd better go to the hospital soon. The contractions are coming every half an hour...

So painful....

Still Pregnant....

Do you know what it means if you see this post? It means that I am still pregnant and still waiting for the little one to come into this world.

I'm overdue but I do not want to be induced. I heard that induced pregnancy is more painful than natural labour and when they break your waterbag, you have to deliver within 24hours or you will have to go for c-section due to increased risk of infection. Induction means that there is a higher chance of having a c-section, something which I do not want.

So now, I am keeping my fingers crossed that baby decides to come out tonight. Sighs....it feels like a long long wait. The Braxton Hicks are getting more and more frequent and they sometime even hurt a little. I keep telling myself to be patient and Larissa - thats her name! - will show her face to the world when she is ready.

It feels like forever.....

Still waiting...

Changed a new template as the previous one wasn't working well already.

Sighs. Its been a while since I  updated my blog. Not in the mood to do so. It seems that baby is very comfy in my womb and is not coming out yet. 2 more days to my EDD and I am afraid that she will want to spend more time in there. In the meantime, I am feeling really big. Everyday I wait for the time to come and it feels like an eternity. Its getting so bad that I actually am losing sleep.

My mom did comment today that my bump does seem to be dropping down - a sign that baby is ready to arrive in this world - well, that did brighten up my day a little but then she was telling me that I should give baby formular milk as well as breastmilk since I am going back to work and blah blah blah...

She kept insisting that she knows better and that I will be too tired to breast feed baby entirely on my own when baby comes. Blah. She is such an idiot sometimes I just can't be bothered and I'll ignore her. Seriously, sometimes I do have the urge to give her a slap. The only thing stopping me is the fact that she is my mom. Bleah.

I'm in my 38th week already and there is still no signs that she is gonna show her face to the world. I am getting impatient.

She is putting on an average of 300g a week and she is now 3.4kg. 2 more weeks to go and that means she will be more than 4kg? The thought of it scares me. Will I be able to give birth naturally? Sighs....

Braxton Hicks is getting more and more frequent. Its not very comfortable. The whole tummy is so tight and hard.

I wish baby will show her face to the world faster so that my suffering will end sooner but then again, once she pops, it will be the start of another round of suffering.

This two weeks, hubby and I have been enjoying our own time, going for good food, enjoying being together. We know that we will have less time to go out once the little one shows.

I love my hubby and I know that he loves me too...though he doesn't really show it. haha...

Woke up at 5.30am this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Thats what happens when one doesn't feel at home. *yawn*

Felt kinda weird waking up at my grandma's place. Rested for about one hour more then me and hubby went down to my mom's stall to makan. Sat for a while, chit chat a bit and then we are back at my place to rest. I went to rest on my sis's bed and soon, I was in lala land. Hubby woke me up at 9.30am, I changed and we headed down to Fortunate Restaurant for our dim sum brunch.

It feels good to have dim dum and tea, talk abit, relax and just enjoy the two of us being together. We are enjoying every moment of it now as we know that soon, we will have very little time with baby around. Life is good.

We headed to Kiddy Palace soon after to buy more stuff. Oh, did I mention that I just spent more than $100 last night there? I also signed up for its member. 10% discount might not seem like alot but it adds up to quite a bit. Bought a little more baby stuff and spent another 40 bucks. Sighs...

Headed home and rested for a bit more. When my sisters got home, hubby played mahjong while I just watched tv. Moreena's dad drove the car over at about 6pm and we went down to Baby Avenue at Balestier to take a look at baby's cot and stuff. We got a shock at the prices there! Damn expensive lah! The wooden cots costs $1350! Imagine our shock! We walked around a bit and scooted out of there.

Decided to head down to Jalan Besar for dinner, had Teochew porridge and then headed to the Kiddy Palace at Toa Payoh Central to buy our baby's playpen. Bought one at $119 excluding mattress. The total amount including mattress and 2 bedsheets came to about $180. *heartache*

Now, I'm back at Granny's place but I'm alone....Hubby had to go home for the night as he is working tomorrow. Sighs...So lonely.

We'll be separated until my confinement is over. Sad eh? Sighs....

I'm at my grandma's place now. I'll be doing my confinement here since my grandma has got a spare room and its only one block away from my place. My mom will be able to pop over anytime to cook my confinement meals for me.

Problem is....my grandma sleeps at 7pm and she sleep with her room door open so I won't be able to watch television in the living room and there is no television in the spare room. So....I'll probably be rotting away from 7pm...pure craziness...

Sighs...two week wait for baby to come into this world. It seems like I've got all the signs and symptoms of labour but nothing is happening...yet.

From what I've read, the signs of labour is:-

1. Lightening (when baby's head begin to drop into position in your pelvis)
2. Increase in vaginal discharge
3. The appearance of bloody show (a brownish or red-tinged mucous discharge)
4. More frequent and noticeably more intense Braxton Hicks contractions

I've for 2 out of that 4. I wonder when is baby gonna come. My back is aching more as the days goes by and the watermelon stretch marks are driving me nuts. They seem to appear overnight and as they increase in numbers, so does my desperation. I'm praying that baby comes soon so that the stretch marks will stop increasing.

Sighs....The sudden overnight appearance of these stretch marks made my previous 6 months of applying stretch mark cream diligently go to waste. I think I've given up hope. They will appear no matter how much cream I apply.

Now, all I can do is wait. Wait for baby to decide that its time for her to show her face to the world.....