Thoughts on the Past

I know I said that I'm moving on to a new blog but I was looking through at some of the comments readers have left for me over the years and it made me think...a lot. I really don't think I should post this on my new blog so here I go again.

Many readers have shared that they were going through the same problems in their marriage and were thinking about divorce. Well, no two stories are the same. What I did (moving out and getting a divorce) may not be something that everyone will do.

My stance is this, if a man cheats on you the first time, he will cheat on you again. At least mine did. Life hasn't been a bed of roses after I left him. To a certain extent, I feel that I'm still quite a conservative person. If I were to date again and the man is never married, I feel that there will be some stigma about divorcees, especially from his parents and relatives. Yes, I have dated since its almost been four years since the separation but I have never gone to the meet the parents stage. I just...don't feel comfortable about it so none of my relationships lasted.

A single parent means being the only one to attend to all your child's needs so your childcare leave will never be sufficient. All the meet the parents sessions and whats not. You have to be prepared to sacrifice. To be honest, once you are a single parent, you give up most of your social life.

I've never allowed L to get too close to the people I dated for fear of her growing attached and ending up feeling lost when the relationship goes south. I don't allow myself to fall because I have other responsibilities.

If you are reading this and are in a bad relationship or your partner cheated, think twice before you decide to get a divorce. It can be a very tough decision to make when kids are involved. Are you financially independent? Can you be financially independent? How would it affect the kids?

Go for marriage counselling. Find out what went wrong in your relationship. I believe that it takes two hands to clap. A marriage falling apart can also be because you have changed. You may not realise it but it happens. Once a woman has kids, her priority changes as well. Is your partner able to adjust too? Could it be that you neglected him because of your kids?

Now, I am not trying to be patronising here but seriously, think it through.If you decide to leave him or her, good on you. The next thing you need to learn, is to forgive. I have seen people who went through very bitter divorces and end up fighting everyday even after the divorce. As a woman, be prepared to not receive child support or maintenance. Unless you want to spend your days bitter and fighting in court.

Yes, the man has responsibilities for the kid too but if he wouldn't have cheated in the first place if responsibility is something that he even considered. He wasn't responsible to you, he will not be responsible for the kid(s).

The bitterness will eat you from inside out and cause you to go through a lot of unnecessary pain. It will be twice as tough if you can't let it go...

So yeah, these are my thoughts and I really hope my readers don't have to go through all the pain. Email me if you need someone to talk to. I can't give much advice, but I will try my best to be your listening ear.