Thoughts on the Past

I know I said that I'm moving on to a new blog but I was looking through at some of the comments readers have left for me over the years and it made me think...a lot. I really don't think I should post this on my new blog so here I go again.

Many readers have shared that they were going through the same problems in their marriage and were thinking about divorce. Well, no two stories are the same. What I did (moving out and getting a divorce) may not be something that everyone will do.

My stance is this, if a man cheats on you the first time, he will cheat on you again. At least mine did. Life hasn't been a bed of roses after I left him. To a certain extent, I feel that I'm still quite a conservative person. If I were to date again and the man is never married, I feel that there will be some stigma about divorcees, especially from his parents and relatives. Yes, I have dated since its almost been four years since the separation but I have never gone to the meet the parents stage. I just...don't feel comfortable about it so none of my relationships lasted.

A single parent means being the only one to attend to all your child's needs so your childcare leave will never be sufficient. All the meet the parents sessions and whats not. You have to be prepared to sacrifice. To be honest, once you are a single parent, you give up most of your social life.

I've never allowed L to get too close to the people I dated for fear of her growing attached and ending up feeling lost when the relationship goes south. I don't allow myself to fall because I have other responsibilities.

If you are reading this and are in a bad relationship or your partner cheated, think twice before you decide to get a divorce. It can be a very tough decision to make when kids are involved. Are you financially independent? Can you be financially independent? How would it affect the kids?

Go for marriage counselling. Find out what went wrong in your relationship. I believe that it takes two hands to clap. A marriage falling apart can also be because you have changed. You may not realise it but it happens. Once a woman has kids, her priority changes as well. Is your partner able to adjust too? Could it be that you neglected him because of your kids?

Now, I am not trying to be patronising here but seriously, think it through.If you decide to leave him or her, good on you. The next thing you need to learn, is to forgive. I have seen people who went through very bitter divorces and end up fighting everyday even after the divorce. As a woman, be prepared to not receive child support or maintenance. Unless you want to spend your days bitter and fighting in court.

Yes, the man has responsibilities for the kid too but if he wouldn't have cheated in the first place if responsibility is something that he even considered. He wasn't responsible to you, he will not be responsible for the kid(s).

The bitterness will eat you from inside out and cause you to go through a lot of unnecessary pain. It will be twice as tough if you can't let it go...

So yeah, these are my thoughts and I really hope my readers don't have to go through all the pain. Email me if you need someone to talk to. I can't give much advice, but I will try my best to be your listening ear.

Divorce Proceedings...

After close to 3 years of separation, its finally getting somewhere.

 

My divorce proceedings has finally started!

 

Its a whole lot faster than I think!

 

I goggled for a bit and found Raymond Lim &Co.

 

Mr. Lim quoted me a very reasonable price and I decided to go ahead.

 

I paid him a deposit of $1000 on our first consulation, if you decide not to use him then I think the first consultation is $150.

 

Two weeks after I went for the first consultation, I received the draft documents from Mr. Lim. After having read through them and having the ex approve them as well, he fixed an appointment with the ex to sign the documents.

 

Two weeks after the ex signed the documents, I went down to sign another documents.

 

I recall having signed up with him in Feb and I will be getting my interim judgement (temporary divorce papers) sometime near the end of May! The final divorce papers are expected to be ready in August!

 

Gosh, the feeling of being free is so exciting!

 

Oh, its been a while since I posted anything so here's a photo of my cute Larissa. LOL

Thoughts

I was thinking whether I should start a new blog to separate my personal life and my views towards politics as you can see, a lot of what I blog is about me and my daughter's life.

After some contemplation, I have decided not to. I will continue blogging as I have been doing. This is in the hope that those who read my blog because of my personal life will get to read about some of the political stuff that I blog and feel strongly about.

I also feel that how I feel about the political scene is shaped by what I go through in life.

Take my divorce for example. It has made me aware of how many women are helpless when it comes to matters like that. Fortunately for myself, I am educated enough to know where to seek and how to seek help. What about the women who are less educated? Who do they go to?

There are many women out there who suffer their "fates" silently because they do not know who to turn to or because they dare not do it. Why? Fear of the unknown. Even I was reluctant to seek a divorce at first because I had gotten used to the routine with my husband. Just 2 years of marriage and I'm already like that, can you imagine those who are married for many years?

That is not our fates. We deserve to be treated humanely. Think about it, can the man accept it if we too had other men beside him? This is no longer a society where the men bring home the bread and we women stayed home to take care of the kids. We too, go out to work and we should be treated equally.

This episode has made me see that there are many others out there who need help and I have decided that I will volunteer myself with the SPP's woman's wing once I settle my problems.

If you are one of the many women who needs help or even just a listening ear, do not hesitate to contact me by email and I will try my best to help you.