Larissa's nose is so blocked, I have to suck out the snot for her every few hours or when I hear her laboured breathing.

See the amount of snot?

Sighs...Really pains my heart to see my little girl suffering like that. We decided to go TCM so we went to the medicinal hall to get pearl powder as instructed by some aunties but the people from the medicinal hall said that pearl powder will cause the baby to have lots of phelgm and recommended another kind of powder. Fed it to baby once this morning and she seems to sleep better. (Been sleeping the whole day!)

We also went down to Kiddy Palace this morning to buy a stroller for her. She is getting heavier, already weighing 4.7kg at one month, and its straining my shoulders a bit when I carry her on the sling. Bought a stroller that has reversible handles so that we can see what she is doing. That stupid stroller cost $300 and I paid for it using the angbaos I got from my office and some of my relatives. Here's a photo of her first time on the stroller.

We're both sick.

I think I'm down with a cold. I've got blocked nose and a cough. I think I passed it to Larissa. I thought Larissa will be immune to it since I'm breastfeeding her. Shouldn't she be getting antibodies from the breastmilk that I am feeding her? Hmmm...

Its heart wretching to see her struggle to breathe with that blocked nose and I keep having to suck out her snot to help her clear her nostrils to breathe better. She hasn't been able to sleep properly due to the blocked nose and keeps waking up. I'm thinking if I should bring her to the pediatrician.

My mother is telling me not to bring her to the doctor as she is still so small and shouldn't be taking any medication but my hubby is urging me to bring her to the doctor. Who should I listen to?

I hope she will quickly recover....

2nd dose Hep B vaccination

I brought Larissa for her second dose of vaccination the day before yesterday at Toa Payoh Polyclinic.

It never occurred to me that it hurts so bad to see my own baby crying from pain....

After that session on Monday, I've decided to bring her to a private pediatrician instead of going to the polyclinic as the prices are almost the same and the waiting time at the polyclinic is much long than that of the pediatrician. Now, all I need is to find a pediatrician that accepts payment via the CDA account...

She flipped!

Okay...this is amazing. My one month old baby knows how to flip! WAHHH!!!!

After her wind in the stomach episode, I usually place Larissa to sleep on her tummy. I beside her 24/7 so I'm always watching her.

Yesterday morning, I placed her on her tummy to sleep as usual but she wasn't sleepy yet so she refused to go to sleep. She lifted her head up high - amazing that a one month old baby can lift her head so high - tilted her body to one side and she flipped to her back!

Actually this was not the first time she flipped. She already did so when she was 2 weeks old but it was my sister who witnessed it so I did not believe her. How the hell can a 2 week old baby know how to flip?

My girl really can flip!

She is one month old!

Larissa is one month old! My confinement is finally over, not that it actually matter...I didn't really follow the rules. I had the aircon or fan on, showered with warm water every two days and washed my hair as well. The only thing I followed was the food...

Anyway, I realised that I'm just too lazy to express my breast milk. Heehee...I've just started taking fenugeek and I think I'll have to start expressing soon so that I can increase my milk supply in order to store some just in case I need them in the future.

I've just learnt how to use the baby sling, not perfect but just okay to carry Larissa and I realise I need to adjust it pretty often. Will have to practice more often. Okays, time to update my blog with photos of my baby...

Its not a good day...

My parents-in-laws came to visit. Baby has wind in her tummy and her tiny little tummy is bloated like shit. Ok..partly my fault as I thought that babies who are breastfed do not need to be burped....

My in-laws were going, "aiyoh, so bloated! So ke lian!", while I was keeping quiet. Until my mom came home. She went to tell my in-laws what a great mother she was who took such good care of us when we were babies and blah, blah, blah...She then mentioned that she kept telling me to let Larrisa sleep on her tummy  but I kept insisting no. I was so effing angry lah! I told her off in front of my PIL, "Doctors say not to let baby sleep on tummy, you say let her sleep on tummy so who should I listen to?"

She just went on and on about how great a mother she was. WTF lah! She wasn't even the one who took care of us lor! She had a bloody confinement nanny who did every single thing for her! All she did was sit and watch! Oh, the confinement nanny taught her that we should be lying in bed all the time during confinement and should not move around too much.

And my mother kept insisting that I gave Larissa formula. Kept saying that breastmilk is too much of a hassle and that Larissa will remember my smell when I go back to work...blah, blah, blah...OF COURSE I WANT LARISSA TO REMEMBER MY SMELL! I AM HER FREAKING MOTHER!

ARGH!!!!!!!

My mom drives me nuts at time.

Larissa also had hiccups when my in-laws were here. So they kept asking for water to be given. Larissa drank a bit and then refused to drink more. There they go again. Telling me that babies should be given water. I already gave in and let them give her water! Now they say Larissa is refusing the water because I don't give her water! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I tell them that breastfed babies do not need to be given water and they look at me in a odd way. Sighs.

I can't believe that my mother-in-law is gonna take care of my baby starting 1st March. If given a choice, I will employ a maid to look after my baby. At least they don't do things that I don't approve of and I can scold them...can't expect me to scold my mother-in-law?  Anyway, I am paying my mother-in-law okay. She asked for $800 a month which will include the household expenses.

Double sighs. Me and my hubby only make $3k a month. Now, $800 gone and we still got to support the baby. I feel so cramped...Like I'm being pushed to a corner with nowhere to go. Sighs....

I'm not a good mommy.

I've started giving my baby some formula milk. I feel like I have failed as her mother.

I'm so tired, just oh so tired. My nipples hurt like mad. She is latching on not perfectly but she gets her milk and I don't get that sore. However, my left nipple is inflamed. Yes, it is. Its painful, swollen and the pain radiates. Its hurts even when its left alone and untouched.

There are times when I keep feeding Larissa, left breast, right breast, left breast again and back to right breast but she just can't get enough. She simply won't go to sleep. My baby is a sleep monster and will go right to sleep if she's had enough milk and her eyes wide open means she hasn't had enough. These are the times when I will make formula milk for her and its amazing seeing her gulp dowm 80mls of formula milk before going to sleep.

I still try to breastfeed her as much as possible and whenever I can. Somehow, my stupid and ever so brainless hubby thinks that its better to give her formula milk. The mere mention of my useless husband drives me up the wall. I taught him how to change baby's diaper and yet the next time baby poops, he tells me to change them and tells me he don't know how to, or that baby's poop makes him wanna puke. WTF! So all he knows is to carry baby around and go, "oh, so cute!".

Everytime I finally managed to get Larrisa to go to sleep, he will come along and stroke baby's hair, kiss her or smell her. I get so frustrated and I tell him that if she ever wakes up, I will punch him in the face. He never does anything to help and all he wants to do is carry the baby. ARGH! I hate him!

I'

Silly me...

Fear sets in....I was chatting with another mommy on MSN yesterday when she told me that her mother gave her baby the pacifier and later when she breastfed, her baby mistaken her nipple for the pacifier and sucked so hard that a chunk of flesh came off. Horrors!!

My mother has also started giving my baby the pacifier and no matter what I tell her, she just insists on going her way...

Now I understand why Larissa has been crying for more whenever I put her down after feeding her. I've been feeding her on the engorged side hoping that it will bring down the engorgement but I did not realise that it is impossible that she gets milk from that side. No wonder she keeps falling asleep...So now, I feed her on one side and try to express the other side.

I was so desperate this morning - the engorged side feels like its got no milk - that I made formula milk for her. Luckily she didn't like the taste and spit it all out. I feel like an epic failure. Sighs....My engorgement has been around for so many days and it just doesn't go away despite my hubby massaging it for me. What am I gonna do next?