Explainations?

I had a long talk with my husband. He claims to be only good friends with the girl. He claims that all he has ever did was to talk to her, to confide in her.

He says that after the birth of Larissa, I have been neglecting him. We haven't had a date for some time and we don't even talk anymore which is true. Well, Larissa sleeps with us in the same room, she is always asleep when he reaches home and he tends to talk loudly and wake Larissa up. He doesn't want to talk in the living room to the ears of the family...so, how to talk? Actually, I have been neglecting him but I thought he would understand. Apparently he didn't so, he confided in the girl.

Okay. What about the saving of her mobile number under a man's name? What about those dates that he had with her? Those nights he spent outside? How do you explain that?

Oh, I still think she is a slut coz she posted the photos long before I found out about them but she tagged him only after he told him that I don't like them being together. What is she trying to prove?

I am tired...

I really am very tired. Sick and tired of all his lies.

His iPhone rang last night when my husband fell asleep. Though its not logged in, it says that he was tagged in some photos. I knew that something was wrong but I couldn't view it as I do not have his password. He says its his privacy. Anyway, I reset his password and logged in. Guess what I saw? Photos of him and the girl! Behaving like a couple. Apparently, he lied about having never dated her alone and he went on many dates with the girl. Well, he claims that those are group outings, and I wonder why is there only photographs of the TWO of them. They went prawning, played pool, went prawning and even went cycling at ECP.

Previously, he claimed that the girl's name is Jennifer, that she don't have Facebook and he has deleted her contacts. The girl's name is actually Sophie Lee, she does have Facebook and I don't know if he has deleted her contacts as he might have saved it under a guy's name like he did the last time. Earlier, when he claimed that he did nothing with the girl and that the girl has a boyfriend, I asked that I meet the girl and her boyfriend to clarify everything. Now, it seems that he is not as innocent as he seems to be huh?

My mother called me this morning to tell me that there are photographs of him and the girl on the internet. My friend is a common friend of my husband and this girl and she saw the photos and showed them to my mother. What can I say? Sighs.

I asked him if the girl knows about us, he says yes, she knows that I am angry then why is this girl tagging photos of him? Isn't she trying to be funny? She is out to destroy our marriage. Such a slut but I thank her. It is thanks to her that I know what a bloody fuzking liar he is.

How can I ever learn to trust him again? I don't think I can. I just can't anymore.

Random..

My precious is already 10 months old but she still wakes up for night feeds at least once a night.

This morning, she woke up at 5.45am for her feed. Its really cute to see her jut her butt high up in the air and then sit up looking groggy with eyes still closed.

After I fed her, I tried putting her back to sleep but she is kinda awake already. She proceeded to climb onto me  and just laid her head on me while I patted her. I started stroking her hair as well and I can see her hand following the rhythm of my patting her.

After a while, she fell back to sleep. So sweet isn't it? I love her, I really really do. I love her more than I love anyone and/or anything in the world.

Video Updates!

I is back at his place.

I am back at my husband's place. How do I feel about it? I feel that he hasn't changed at all. He doesn't seem to be sorry at all. He still treats me that same, he just refuse to talk about it.

I regret going back to his place but what am I to do? My mum is chasing me out of the house! She says that I need to "give face" to my inlaws since they came to my place. Come on lah! My father-in-law himself used to have a mistress at his previous workplace where they were working together. Of course he is someone who will defend his son's ways. My mother-in-law knew about the relationship but kept quiet. So, how much credibility do they have? I should give them "face" and give up on my own happiness?

My husband turns a violent man every single time he touches alcohol and he won't quit drinking. Now that I am staying with my inlaws, there is someone to shield me but what if we move into our place in 3 years time? Who is going to shield me? Am I supposed to suffer?

Why can't my mother understand that it is better to let us go separate ways now? Why wait till 3 years later and let Larissa witness her daddy hitting her mummy? They say that its not good to let a child see her parents separated, so its good to let her witness violence at home?

I really don't understand what they are thinking. If Larissa has a unhappy childhood, it is all my mother's fault for it is she who forced me to go back to him.

I hate my life, I hate my marriage and I hate my mother.

Should I?

My inlaws came to my mum's place with my husband yesterday. They asked that I forgive my husband and that I bring Larissa home.

My husband claims that he had only started contacting the girl - his ex-classmate- only two weeks back and that he saved her name under a man's name as he was afraid that I'd be angry. He also claimed to have never met her up alone and never even held her hand.

Should I believe him?

He started behaving suspiciouly a few months back. Locking up his phone and deleting every single one of his messages. He started going to chalets where he spent the night at, something that he never did before.

My mum says that I should go back as my inlaws have made the trip down to explain things and they promise that it will never happen again. It hurts me to see my mother in law so hurt.

I really don't know if I can trust again. Maybe I'm lucky enough to have caught my husband early, before anything really started but will I always be so lucky?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My Husband Is An Asshole

Only yesterday night, I found out my husband is having an affair.

I woke up last night to go have a drink and I have no idea why I had the urge to look at his handphone.

My husband would normally delete his messages but last night he did not as he drank earlier and is perhaps a little tipsy
As I scrolled through his messages, I found intimate messages between him and a number he stored as "Alan". I walk to his mum who was still awake and told her straight to her face that hee son is havin an affair.

I called the number and it was a girl who answered the call. I kept asking her who is she and why arr there intimate messages between her and my husband but she wouldn't tell me. All she would say is that she is his ex-classmate and that I should ask my husband who is she and what is their relationship. At this point of time I was trembling with anger already while that jerk is still sleeping in the room.

I was so angry I switched on the lights in our room and started scolding him. No way am I going to live with a man who cheats. I carried my baby into my mother-in-law's room and I told all of them that I am leaving for good. I tried to take snapshots of the SMS and sent them to my phone but that bastard deleted everything while I wss busy packing.

You know what is the best part? Instead of being sorry, he kept insisting that I had forced him to have an affair. He kept trying to justify that he is right to have an affair! Imagine my anger! I called my mother and told her of the useless j ways and as I walked past him, he punched me in the back of my head!

As I packed up and go, my mother-in-law and father-in-law kept asking me not to go and to go only the next day as it was already midnight. My father-in-law then said that we can talk things out in the morning. That further angered me! This is not something to talk about! He had a bloody fucking affair! There is no room for discussion!

I asked my husband if he still wanted to be with the woman and he said yes! Right in front of my father-in-law! I told my father-in-law to take a good look at this useless son of his.

I packed my bags, grabbed my baby and left. If there is anything I can forgive, that is a cheating husband. Even on my way back in the cab, he is insisting that it is my fault and he questions why I can't forgive him. I tol him to go ask his sister if she can forgive her husband if he did the same and he went quiet.

What I really thought is ridiculous is how he kept insisting that I was the one who forced him to have an affair! He even tried to say that I was having another man outside. Now I know why he is always claiming to go to chalets and staying overnight. So he was with that slut!

He is asking for forgiveness now but I know I will never forgive. I am now a single parent!

It's shocking how things can change overnight. Just yesterday I was thinking that I should try to be better to my husband and that we should spend more time together. Now I know he don't deserve to have me being good to him.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Larissa stands by the window peering out at the cars.

Shane's 1st

Over the weekend, Larissa and I went to join Shane for his birthday party. We arrived at about 4.30pm but sadly, Larissa fell asleep at about 5pm. She only woke up at 7pm and we had to leave soon after. Shane is so well behaved in comparison to Larissa! How i wish Larissa is half as well behaved! Lol...Shane's mummy, Hazel was a very nice host. She took time to have a chat with me though she had many guests to attend to. It's our first meeting after chatting for over a year! Haha... Nice mummy she is and she is already so slim! Me jealous! Hahaha...anyway, I forgot to snap a photo of Shane with Larissa. She is so chor lor she actually grabbed Shane by his shirt collar! I had to keep my eyes on her to make sure she did not hurt him. Next time, I must get someone to watch Larissa while I snap photos of them together.

 Here's some of Larissa's photo at the party

See how chor lor she is? Cannot even sit properly...

The first time she is standing unassisted and its at Shane's party!

Here is Shane's 5kg cake

Pacifiers

Most breastfeeding mummies are hesitant when it comes to pacifiers for fear of nipple confusion. Nipple confusion is when babies are confused between our nipples and the pacifier or teat and it can cause baby to latch on wrongly and give mummies a lot of pain.

Personally, I do know of one mummy whose little one was given the pacifier a tad too early , baby was confused and latched on wongly and mummy ended with a bleeding nipple.

In my case, Larissa was introduced to her first pacifier when she was about 5 weeks old - it is recommended that pacifiers be introduced only after 6 weeks as baby will be less likely to be confused - but even before that, I was already presurized by my mum to give her the pacifier a lot earlier.



Larissa with her very first pacifier.

I delayed giving her the pacifier not only coz of nipple confusion but also because the pacifier can cause baby to:-

1. Have lesser intake of milk
2. Orthodontic problems in the future

Babies do not know that what they are sucking will not have milk! So they will only cry when they are extremely hungry. It is not good to feed a baby only when they are famished as it I difficult to latch a hungry baby on. AMany new mummies may not know this but pacifiers can cause babies to have orthodontic problems when they grow older. Yea, babies will lose their milk teeth but it does affect their adult teeth. So if you are introducing the pacifier, please choose an orthodontic pacifier.




Two fingers. No less.

I chose to give Larissa the pacifier a little early as she liked comfort suckling and would be latched on all the time. I remember having to hide in the room most of the time during her baby shower as she would start crying soon after we stepped out of the room. She also started sucking on her fingers but she would suck on 2 to 3 fingers at one go, thus making herself gag. It got so bad that once, she puked all over herself when we were out and I had to change her.



See how she sucks 2 fingers at one go?

I am lucky that Larissa was not nipple confused though I had introduced the pacifier earlier than I'd meant to. Now, she mostly take the pacifier only when she wants to go to sleep. As she is teething already, she prefers to chew on her pacifier and not suck on it.

Most older generation believes that by giving babies the pacifier, it will help baby to sleep better. Do bear in mind that quite a fair number of mummies during the "formula boom time" in the 70s and 80s did not breastfeed as they were made to believe that formula is best for babies and thus are unable to grasp the concept of nipple confusion.


As a new mum, do not be pressurized into giving your baby the pacifier if you are breastfeeding. If you think you need to give the pacifier, try to delay it as much as possible.

Larissa is awake and calling me. Shall end my post here. xoxo


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

10 Months & Still Counting...

2 more days and it will be the 10th month of my breastfeeding my precious Larissa.

I can clearly remember the very moment I started to breastfeed her. I did not take the spinal epidural when delivering Larissa and so, was awake and able to breastfeed her immediately. I told the nurse very clearly that I would like to feed her as soon as possible and the nurse passed her to me right after she was cleaned and had her measurements taken. I then tried to breastfeed her but she was so sleepy that she did not even bother trying to latch on. 

She was soon taken away from me to be put into the incubator and I was pushed into the ward to rest. I can still clearly remember feeling so excited with all the adrenaline pumping through me that I wouldn't get to sleep at all. All I wanted to do was see my baby!

The first couple of times Larissa was latched on

Throughout my 2 days stay at the hospital, I did not manage to have a good rest as I was woken up every couple of hours to feed my precious girl. The nurses did ask for my permission to feed Larissa some glucose as  my supply has not kicked in yet and its insufficient for her. If you are wondering, I stayed at Thomson Medical Centre and despite the many complaints I heard about the nurses not being pro-breastfeeding, they did bring my baby for me to latch her on every other hour so I am pretty satisfied with them. The only complain that I have is that the Lactation Consultants spent too little time with me and it felt like she was simply shoving my nipple into Larissa's mouth but I don't blame them as I understand that they have many other mothers to see to.

Breastfeeding did not come easy for me at all. I was in pain the very first time I tried to latch Larissa on. As we're both new to breastfeeding, the latch was totally wrong. Can you imagine seeing blood after latching your precious on for a few times? My guess is that she sucked very hard as she couldn't get any milk due to the wrong latch. I was in a lot of pain and the nurses kept telling me its just my nipple bring sore but I know my nipple very well and the truth was that my girl had sucked off a piece of me. Scary isn't it? That wasn't the end of the story....

As Larissa had to latch on every 2 hours, the wound never had a chance to heal and with nobody to correct the wrong latch, my one wounded nipple soon became two wounded nipple. I soon found one of my nipple to be lipstick shaped...My best guess is that one part was sucked off. The pain every single time I fed Larissa can be described as excruciating, it was worse then labour pain and I would be biting my teeth before latching her on and tearing after latching her on.

It took Larissa about one month before she managed to learn the perfect latch and the wounds slowly healed. Now, latching her is no longer painful. If you asked me, I am thankful for the pain as it made me more than reluctant to stop breastfeeding Larissa now. After all the pain that I went through, I am not gonna give up so easily and so soon!

If you are reading this right now and considering whether to breastfeed your child, I say go ahead. It may be tiring but you will bond with your baby a lot more than just feeding formula milk and you are giving  your precious little one the immunity he or she need during his or her first year. There is no formula milk that can replace what God gave us. Oh, and to add, my little one has only had slight flu once in the past nine months!

Life sucks.

Those of you who know me personally will know that I am going through a rough patch right now. Things seem to be heading nowhere and I'm stuck in a rut. 


I'm trying to get out of this but no one around me seem to understand what I am going through. Even the man who sleeps beside me is giving me problems instead of helping me through this rough patch. 


It really makes me think if I have married the wrong man. I need someone to be there for me, to put my hand and hold me along instead of bashing me and kicking me into deep shit. 


Honestly, I really have no idea why I married him. I really regret it and I have been begging him to let me go and we'll have a divorce. You think he'd agree? Fat chance. I'm only staying with him because of Larissa but I am pretty damn sure that once I get out of this shit, he'll be out of my life. 

How to increase traffic to my blog?

Now that I am joining Nuffnang, I need to increase traffic to my post to generate the moolah.


So how am I gonna do it? I came up with a few ideas...


1. Start showing cleavage.

But I don't have much of a cleavage to even begin with. Due to nursing my darling Larissa, all I can show is scary cleavage with stretch marks stretched all over my boobs. Will that increase traffic to my blog? Nah...I think that will turn everyone off. LOL


2. Upload chio photos of myself after Photoshop.

Seriously? You want me to lie to you? Ok, I'm fat and ugly but I accept the fact and no way am I gonna deceive anyone into thinking that I'm a chio bu. I'm a Full Time Working Mom by the way and to photoshop myself into a skinny chio bu will take up a lot of time and that, I don't have.


3. Start taking beautiful photos of my baby.

Well, men are attracted to pictures of naked beautiful women while women are attracted to those of cute babies. This I guess is the easiest of the lot. 


4. Start getting really bitchy and bitch about just everything I can.

Then I'll be a very very miserable person won't I? Looking for fault every where.


Conclusion? I think I'd stick to posting cute photos of Larissa. Makes me happy to see her photos too.

Sold my Lumix LX3!

Okay...I am one stupid tootz.


I've sold my Lumix 3! 3 days after buying it! Because I really have no freaking idea how to use it!


One thing good is that the buyer of my camera is a very into camera guy and he is very happy to introduce more cameras to me and to teach me how to take nice photos!


And this is the camera that he introduced to me! He says that he will be more than happy to teach me how to use this camera! OHH LALA!


I'm planning to buy this with my year end bonus!

As you can see, I've just joined Nuffnang! I don't think it will be able to help me generate $10k income a month like it did for Xiaxue but I do hope that it will help me generate a little bit of income. Do help me click on the ads. Pretty please?

I just bought a secondhand Panasonic Lumix LX3! I know...its not first hand so whats there to be excited about right? Well...I don't see why I have to buy a first hand one when a secondhand one will make do. Maybe in future when I am buying a even higher end camera, will I buy a first hand one. But for now, this will make do. I'm learning how to do use the camera. All the ISO, Aperture, Focus blah blah blah is making me dizzy. Got to have someone explain it to me but apparently, none of my friends really know what they are about. LOL.
This camera is very good for taking photos in very low light areas. I love that I do not need to on the flash at night and I can take photos without disturbing my sweetie! Anyway, let the photos do the talking!

Here is my Panasonic Lumix LX3

My very first photo taken with my new camera!

The red dot from the auto focus thingy is too bright for her.

She is fiddling with the items that came along with the camera while I am busy snapping away. 

See that serious look on her face!

My smiley baby

Sitting on her potty

Its been a while since I blogged. Larissa is already 9 months old! She is now 70.5cm and weighing 9.5kg. 

Its really amazing to see my little girl growing everyday. She now knows how to kiss me on the lips but she will only do it once! hahah.... She also knows how to show when she is full and wants to stop eating by crinkling her face and turning her head away from the food. Oh, not too long ago, I was complaining about her teeth not coming yet and now she has got two pearlie whites already!

She is now at a stage whereby she is trying to learn how to stand. How I regret placing her on the walker! She is now trying to stand on tiptoes and she will let her hands go after standing up! My oh my! All coz she is normally supported on the walker and she is so used to it, she thinks she will not fall without the walker. The nurse who accessed her at the polyclinic told us not to put her in the walker so often. 

Her hair is also growing out now. Her hair is so thick that it causes her to pespire all the time and my FIL is presurising me to give her a haircut. Sighs...men. lol. Anyway, here's some of her photos...

She's trying to get herself up by holding onto my grandma's wheelchair

She is still so boyish looking.

Playing with a belt.