Thursday, August 25, 2011

What Did I Get Myself Into?

It is at times like this, in the mornings while waiting for the train or in the evenings on the way back home that my thoughts start to run wild.

What did I get myself into when I decided to marry him? What was I thinking?

We were together at the lowest point of his life, when he was jobless and was unable to find a job because he was once a drug addict and had been to jail for 3 years. I stuck by him and even helped him pay off his $800 fine for having contraband cigarettes. I did not look down on him and encouraged him to keep trying. Eventually he managed to start a small stall in a dry market and did his own business. Life was tough but we were happy. I worked on weekdays and weekends were spent at his stall helping him man the stall. He did not make big bucks but it was enough for him to get by.

Our relationship started falling apart when his business got better. He was a proud man and always carried lots of money with him. All the profits from the stall in fact. He'd carry the money meant to pay the suppliers and would flaunt his money by taking them all out when making payment.

I'm sure its his way of flaunting his wealth that has made his popular with the girls working in the pubs. They thought he is one rich man when in truth, he can barely support his family. His friend also borrow money from him all the time and he lends it to them even though he hasn't got much coz it makes him look loaded.

Being well off really changes a person huh? Just a little bit of money and he thinks he is rich.

After I left him, he claims that business is getting worse, he is not making money and refuses to provide for our girl. It has been really difficult trying to get my money back from him. His mobile line is in my name and I pay for it every month. He promises to pay me back but its been tough trying to get him to pay. He always finds excuses to not pay me.

He even managed to squander the last 1k of our girl's baby bonus which I wanted to save for her future schooling use. He claims that he lent the money to his friend but who knows the truth? Did I mention that he is a compulsive liar? He lies about every single thing. To his friends, to his family and to me.

He did ask me to stay when I left but being a woman, I know when one is sincere or not. He just asks me to stay because that's what his parents want. The fact is he is not sincere at all! Imagine the whole 3 months that I left and yet he did not make the effort to meet me personally to talk to me. So sincere right? He did not want me to leave only because I am the one who gave him everything and when I leave, everything comes with me. My laptop, his mobile line which is in my name, his branded Coach sling bag that I bought for him and even his iPhone.

He says that I make myself look like the victim when he is the real victim. I do agree that he is a victim, a victime of his flirty ways and of his own pride.

Things between us is now so bad that he has resulted to insulting me, calling me fat and saying that I have fat rolls that puts men off. I am sick, tired and disgusted of this man that I once called my husband.

I got myself into this mess and only I can pull myself out of it. I am where I am today only because I am too soft hearted. I can only blame myself.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey man, I'm a man myself. U don need to give 2 shit bout that man. Jus get yourself together and live on all good with ur baby girl

zizi said...

just live your life for yourself from now on.
if he is such a father for ur kid, i rather you raise her alone.

im from a single parent family, i didnt mind being in one. not that my other parent suck but its not as bad as people think it is.

move on.

Shanniie said...

Jia you !! Things may be hard now but it will be better soon !! SMILE ON (:

Willows said...

Hi, you story is published on 4 Sept 晚报.

Float_By said...

haha yep. Her story is published in ystd's chinese newspaper. I jus read through the article. :-X

elderflowertea said...

did they ask for your permission before publishing it?

Ivy said...

Nope, they did not ask for my permission. Nothing I can do about it as I did not lock my blog and it is free for all to see.