Thursday, April 28, 2011

Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner

On this blog post, I am going to share something which was sent by email from a friend quite some time ago.

Being someone who is in a 'failing' marriage - I call it failing coz we're not divorced for the sake of Larissa - I urge all you out there who is reading my blog to spent some time reading this and thinking it through. Is he or she the one for you? Are you ready to spend the rest of your lives together? Do you see yourselves together?

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Another perspective...
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment Withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

We're Going to The Zoo, Zoo, Zoo!

18th April marks the day my ah lao turns 27 and to celebrate this day, I brought him to the Singapore Zoo!

Though Larissa and myself woke up early to prepare for our outing, it was dampened by a morning rain. We had to wait for the rain to stop before we headed out. The rain stopped at only about 10.30am and by the time by ah lao got ready, we only reached the zoo at 1pm.

Here we are, camwhoring in the cab on the way to our destination

Look alike? No?

I didnt really bother to take pictures right in front of the Zoo entrance. Damn malu leh. As if I'm a tourist leh. LOL.

Entrance was $20 per pax for admission and $5 tram rides. Larissa gets free admission as she is below 2. I'm damn stupid, paid $5 extra for the tram rides but I did not get on a single tram ride. I walk the whole journey! LOL!

Oh, and we rented a little cart at $18 for Larissa. Never Ever count on the Zoo for strollers. If you need a stroller in case your baby needs to nap, please bring your own stroller. I was there on a Monday afternoon and they have ran out of strollers already so try to imagine going there on a weekend.


Warning! This is gonna be a photo heavy post! Here goes the photos



The Cotton-Top Tamin - one of the world's most endangered primate species













Giant Turtle

Many giant turtles. heehee...



Larissa watching the turtles. 


Proboscis Monkey

Otters



The Greater Flamingo



White Handed Gibbon. Looks like its wearing a pair of gloves.











Orang Utans






This huge orang utan was lying at the corner of the glass enclosure



Larissa rides the huge turtle

Komodo Dragon

I think this is called the horned lizard


This huge dragon is about 2 meters long. Just seeing one is not scary but imagine having 10 of them coming after you. Do note, they are pretty quick on their feet and the bacteria in their saliva is enough to kill you or at least wound you so badly you can't walk. However, they are now an endangered species and can most be found on Komodo Island.

Cute little Ground Squirrels











The croc in the photo is at least 3 meters long! I wonder why they put the turtle in the enclosure with the croc.  I am very sure I have seen documentries where the croc will eat the turtle. Hmmm...maybe the croc is very well fed?



The Sun Bear

One of the smallest species of bear, it can be recognized by the U-shaped yellow marking on its chest.





Penquin
Manatees
I have previously thought that manatees are small creatures about the size of a medium dog. Never have I thought that they are huge animals! They are about 2 meters in length and very very fat! lol. No wonder they say what is see on TV is always smaller than its real size.




The Asian Elephant
The Asian Elephant is smaller than the African Elephant. You can easily differentiate the elephants by their ears. As you can see above, the Asian elephant has got small ears, the African elephant, on the other hand, has got huge ears like fans like the picture below.


Both elephants, however, are endangered. 



 
A Falabella. 

There are two types of horses on display in the Zoo at the Kidzworld, the pony and the Falabella. The bigger one that I did not take picture of, is the pony, which one will easily mistaken it for a horse. It is about our height and looks like a horse, if you have seen an adult horse before you will know that it is a pony. 

And the one in the above picture, is the Falabella. Very nice name for a horse aye?



Pls pardon my fat body. 



 


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Chimpanzees








After roaming for a while, we walked into this area where the animals are free roaming.










This bird was just right at my feet.

So are these ducks, right at my feet.

Free roaming lemurs!

I don't know what is this called. It was also free roaming and it just sat there. I wanted to touch it but decided not too.

These bats are huge! Their wingspan is at least 50 cm!







The lioness


 When we got to the lions, Larissa fell asleep in her little trolley. As it did not have any support, she almost fell a few times, thus we decided to head home.

As Larissa is still very young, she is unable to understand much of the knowledge I would love to impart to her. I will bring her again when she is older and teach her all that I know.


Last shot at the zoo
 And finally, camwhore shots in the cab on our way home.







One afterthought I had after visiting the zoo is how wonderful it would be if we are able to see these animals in the wild. I feel kinda sad for these animals, if we were able to protect their habitat, they can live in the wild. 
Let do our part to save the environment.