An Ivylicious Life

More Thankful and Grateful?

2011-12-07T20:45:00.001+08:00

Somehow or rather, I find myself being much more hopeful, grateful and thankful than every before.

Every single day I am telling myself to be nice, be full of love for everything.

I don't know if this is a passing stage but I really am happy.

I wish this can go on forever!

December 2011

2011-12-06T04:52:00.000+08:00

The year is coming to an end. Shall we start reflecting on what has been done in 2011?

Take a pen and paper and write down your answers for the following questions.

1. What have you achieved in 2011?
2. Are there stuff you did that you regretted or wished that you did it another way?
3. What are they?
4. Sum up 2011 in three words.

Take a look at your answers. Think about it. Will 2012 be a better year? It's definitely a yes if you asked me. I always believe in starting the year positively.

Now answer the following questions:-

1. What do you wish to achieve in 2012?
2. What do you think 2012 holds for you?

My wishes for 2012 is simple but hard to achieve. I wanna be one who never judges, have a ready smile for everyone, a listening ear for all who cares to share and an open heart to help anyone who needs help. Sounds simple? Give it a try. Live life a little and enjoy a little. :)))

Are You Thankful?

2011-12-05T17:07:00.000+08:00

I am.

I am thankful every morning when I wake up. Thankful that I get to see my girl's beautiful face.

I'm thankful when I have food on my plate, when I have gatherings with friends and that I make new friends at gatherings.

Life has taught me to be grateful and thankful for everything.:))

What If....

2011-11-23T05:21:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered what life would have been like if you chose to do things another way?

I always wondered what life would be like if I did not have Larissa.

I'd probably be living a meaningless life. I'd probably still be clubbing every night, wasting my life away getting drunk and being hung over the next day.

Yes, I was an alcoholic and I dabbled in illegal stuff. Life was all about getting high and not having to think about it at all.

I never thought that a baby can tie me down so much. It feels like she is all to me and without her, I'm nothing.

I stopped clubbing after I had her and somehow, I think her not being able to sleep throughout the night is god's way of keeping me grounded. Though I still meet friends for an occasionally drink it two, I make it a point to get home before midnight.

Somehow, I feel that Larissa has inherited all the best of me. She is the most generous kid that I know, she always shares and makes it a point to ask people around her if they want something she's holding onto. If she does snatch something from another kid, all I have to do is to remind her that she needs to share and she will give it up.

I always think of life without her and I admit that I do miss single life but I wouldn't want it another way. I am thankful to have her even though it means that I have to deal with that useless piece of crap she calls daddy.

The only regret I have is actually getting married. I should have just had Larissa without getting married.

She Loves Her Greens

2011-11-12T04:09:00.000+08:00

This is a little odd for a child of her age but Larissa loves her greens and I do mean all kinds of greens. She takes broccoli and even coriander which I doubt any other kids would wanna even touch. Oh, and she loves bean sprouts! Here's a video showing her eating broccoli.

Cleaning Up My Life

2011-10-27T21:28:00.001+08:00

I have finally decided to clean up my life a little.

I'm starting with my MSN Messenger, Facebook and finally Skype.

Setting up a new MSN email address and this time I'm adding only friends I keep in contact often. I will try to deactivate my current email account or I will simply not log in at all.

Deleting people off my Facebook account as well and keeping only people I really know and shared a part of my life with. Changing the email account linked to my Facebook and not allowing people to search for me so that it be easy to add me unless I added them.

Deleting all my contacts on Skype and not logging in anymore since I don't really have much use for it.

Deactivating all the emails accounts that I have and don't use often.

I am considering making this blog a private one as well. Its about time to keep my life to myself. :)

Never Say I Love You

2011-10-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

Never say I love you.....
if you don't really care
Never talk about feelings.....
if you they aren't really there
Never hold my hand......
if you're going to break my heart
Never say you're going to.....
if you don't plan to start
Never look me in the eye....
if all you do is lie
Never say hello....
if you really mean goodbye
if you really mean forever......
then say you'll try
Never say forever......
'cuz forever makes me cry

Reason why I don't say the three words easily. I won't say the three words until I am sure and when I do, please don't break my heart...

Our Feisty Princess - Charmaine Lim 14 July 2005 - 21 Oct 2011

2011-10-21T23:31:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure how many people still remember Charmaine Lim. Her story was featured on The Newpaper sometime in 2009.

Her name is Charmaine, the feisty little girl who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma - a malignant tumor that develops from nerve tissue - when she was only 4 years old. Her mom, Cynthia, refused to give up despite being told that she had only 10% chance at recovery and she refuses to let Charmaine stick to the conventional treatment of chemotherapy which would mean that Charmaine will have to be confined in her home. She wanted Charmaine to have a normal childhood just like any other kid. She seeked the latest medical breakthrough, the latest treatment for Charmaine which brought them to the States.

I read about Charmaine when I was still pregnant with Larissa, before I became a mom. At that point of time, I simply did not understand what Cynthia was doing. To me then, I did not understand why she was doing what she did Charmaine was just one of the millions of children who suffered from the illness and she is lucky that there are so many people who cared about her, enough to start a blog for her and raise funds for her treatments.

It was only recently that I started reading the blog again.As I read through Cynthia's blog posts, I could feel her pain, the pain of a mother whose child is suffering. I teared when reading her blog and as I looked at Larissa who is so innocent and so beautiful to me, I really felt the immense pain that Cynthia must have gone through. No mom would wanna see her baby, the tiny one we carried in our arms have to go through such pain. If this had happened to Larissa, I would pray every single day that god let me take her place, let me be the one to suffer.I finally understood why Cynthia did all that. A mom should never take no for an answer. Even when the doctors at KKH were very grim, Cynthia managed to find one doctor who agreed to treat Charmaine and helped her seek the help of doctors in the US.

Sadly, Charmaine left her mom in the wee hours on 21st Oct 2011. After 3 years of a long hard battle with the cancer, it spread all over and as her mom described, you can literally see the tumors popping up all over and they left her with wounds that bled so much. She has left this world for a better place, one which she can be happy and free from suffering....

What Are Words

2011-10-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

A song that I want to share with everyone. This song is sang by Chris Medina, one of the contestants of America Idol. Its about his fiance, who met with a car accident just 2 months before their wedding and suffered serious head trauma. Although it was before they got married, Chris decided that he will stay with her and see her through the tough times. I am touched that there is a man like Chris out there. Somehow, it gives us hope that true love still exists...

Aren't People Weird?

2011-10-09T04:14:00.000+08:00

Earlier in the day I was happily chatting with my online friend but later in the evening, I realised that I was being deleted off his Facebook and MSN account. How weird is this?

I then emailed him and asked him what's going on. It's just plain odd isn't it? One moment you are chatting happily, the next moment you lose a good friend?

There are some people we just cannot understand.

H & M

2011-09-18T21:31:00.001+08:00

Been wondering whats all the hype around the opening of H&M's store at Somerset. Today is a good day to make a trip to town as my sister in law was having her flea stall at Scape and its been a while since she saw the little one.

Boarded the train and it took me less than 20 mins to get to Somerset. Ahhh...the convenience of staying at Toa Payoh. LOL!

Larissa had a fall just before we boarded the train and the poor girl scraped her knees a little. From then on, it was, "Mommy, bao bao!" all the way.

First stop was to Gong Cha to buy her favourite bubble tea drink before heading over to my sister in law's stall. Larissa. Bubble tea is Larissa's greatest addiction. If you are holding a cup in hand, she will keep hounding you to let her have a sip. I guess its because I had too much bubble tea when I was carrying her. All I craved for was bubble tea! LOL!

We visited her aunt, stopped by for about 30 mins before we headed to H&M.
Before we left the flea, I decided to get a spray on tattoo for Larissa.

The guy who did the spray on commented that Larissa is their youngest customer! LOL!
Its kinda weird to see a queue for a store like H&M. I thought only stores like Louis Vuitton would have a queue. The queue moved very fast though and we were in the store in no time.

There are 3 stories, level 1 and 2 are for the ladies and level 3 for kids and men. I did not bother with level 1 and went straight up to level 3 to look at clothes for Larissa. The first thing that caught Larissa's eyes was a pair of red coloured boots. I let her try it on and she walked around with it for a while before she decided that she don't want it.

I got her a pair of jeans at $17.90 which I thought is pretty cheap. As we walked along, I saw a pair of bright red wellingtons that costs only $29.90! I've always wanted to get a pair for Larissa and I reckon someone from up above heard me. LOL

I also got a pair of intimates and a foldable umbrella for myself. Total damage = $90.00!

Cannot afford to spend like this anymore. Thats why I don't go to town, because I can never resist to splurge on Larissa! Luckily she was with me. If I went there alone and had time to shop, I probably would have bought lots of clothes!

A Letter to My Girl

2011-09-05T22:18:00.000+08:00

My darling girl,

You are still learning how to speak and cannot tell mommy your feelings. I can only try my best to understand you and make guesses at what you are trying to say.

Mommy is sorry that I have to leave daddy and bring you along with me. You are still too young to understand but mommy will explain it to you when you grow up one day. Daddy still loves you as much as ever. He just won't have the time to visit you as much coz he will be starting his new family soon.

No matter what happens, mommy will always be here for you. You will be mommy's pride and all I want is the best for you. No matter how tough life gets going, or what obstacles are thrown at me, I will try my best to bring you up as well as I can.

I hope that you can grow up to be humble, selfless and fearless like mommy's idol Mr. Chiam. Do not fear my dear for I am here. We may fall in life but what's important is that we learn how to climb up from where we fall. Remember that the scars we gain from life is what makes life memorable.

When you grow older, you might fall in love and may even get your heart broken. Mommy will always be here to be your shoulder to cry on and to wipe away your tears.

Mommy might be very fierce some times but that's only because I want you to learn the right values in life and not have to go through what I have.

You will go through a rebellious stage one day and refuse to love me back but I will always be there. I will be your friend and listening ear when you need one.

Life can get tough some times but with you by my side, mommy will never give up. Life is a long journey and Mommy is still learning and we will hold onto each other as we go along.

Always remember that mommy loves you.

Love,
Mommy

Thoughts

2011-09-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

I was thinking whether I should start a new blog to separate my personal life and my views towards politics as you can see, a lot of what I blog is about me and my daughter's life.

After some contemplation, I have decided not to. I will continue blogging as I have been doing. This is in the hope that those who read my blog because of my personal life will get to read about some of the political stuff that I blog and feel strongly about.

I also feel that how I feel about the political scene is shaped by what I go through in life.

Take my divorce for example. It has made me aware of how many women are helpless when it comes to matters like that. Fortunately for myself, I am educated enough to know where to seek and how to seek help. What about the women who are less educated? Who do they go to?

There are many women out there who suffer their "fates" silently because they do not know who to turn to or because they dare not do it. Why? Fear of the unknown. Even I was reluctant to seek a divorce at first because I had gotten used to the routine with my husband. Just 2 years of marriage and I'm already like that, can you imagine those who are married for many years?

That is not our fates. We deserve to be treated humanely. Think about it, can the man accept it if we too had other men beside him? This is no longer a society where the men bring home the bread and we women stayed home to take care of the kids. We too, go out to work and we should be treated equally.

This episode has made me see that there are many others out there who need help and I have decided that I will volunteer myself with the SPP's woman's wing once I settle my problems.

If you are one of the many women who needs help or even just a listening ear, do not hesitate to contact me by email and I will try my best to help you.

In A Blur

2011-08-31T22:23:00.001+08:00

Ever felt like everything in your life is in a blur?

I've felt this way for a long long time. Ever since I don't know how long ago, everything in my life seems to just whirl pass me.

Every single day is a routine. I wake up in the mornings, come back home, watch tv, climb into bed hugging my precious girl and repeat the same routine the next day.

Ask me what I did today and I can't really give you an answer because everyday feels the same. Ask me what I did last week and I can tell you I cannot recall.

I feel like I'm on Superwoman mode. Having to play mother to my girl, sister to my sister and daughter to my mom.

I feel so numbed to every single thing in my life. Its like I'm running on auto mode. I haven't really cried after finding out the truth about my husband. Because there is no point in crying.

Friends ask me if I'm alright and I always smile and say I'm doing ok. Because there is no way to feel any other way. Yes, I do feel like running away from it all but what's the good of running? I'll have to face it all one day.

Everyone has been telling me to be strong for my girl but what does it really mean to be strong? Is what I'm doing considered being strong?

For Old Time's Sake

2011-08-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

I have deleted the videos of our wedding montage for good. Let the healing begin.

順其自然

2011-08-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

我想也許我們這一份感情會出現裂痕我們兩個都有責任。已經不想再想了，真的累了。是時候要學會式著讓生活變得清淡，對幸福或寂寞順其自然。大喜大悲的日子已不再適合我了。一心只想好好的把彤彤帶大。她的幸福將會是我最大的安慰。要學會怎樣好好的愛自己，不願再受傷害，不要再笨下去了。

有時候一個人也能過得精彩

What Did I Get Myself Into?

2011-08-25T08:45:00.001+08:00

It is at times like this, in the mornings while waiting for the train or in the evenings on the way back home that my thoughts start to run wild.

What did I get myself into when I decided to marry him? What was I thinking?

We were together at the lowest point of his life, when he was jobless and was unable to find a job because he was once a drug addict and had been to jail for 3 years. I stuck by him and even helped him pay off his $800 fine for having contraband cigarettes. I did not look down on him and encouraged him to keep trying. Eventually he managed to start a small stall in a dry market and did his own business. Life was tough but we were happy. I worked on weekdays and weekends were spent at his stall helping him man the stall. He did not make big bucks but it was enough for him to get by.

Our relationship started falling apart when his business got better. He was a proud man and always carried lots of money with him. All the profits from the stall in fact. He'd carry the money meant to pay the suppliers and would flaunt his money by taking them all out when making payment.

I'm sure its his way of flaunting his wealth that has made his popular with the girls working in the pubs. They thought he is one rich man when in truth, he can barely support his family. His friend also borrow money from him all the time and he lends it to them even though he hasn't got much coz it makes him look loaded.

Being well off really changes a person huh? Just a little bit of money and he thinks he is rich.

After I left him, he claims that business is getting worse, he is not making money and refuses to provide for our girl. It has been really difficult trying to get my money back from him. His mobile line is in my name and I pay for it every month. He promises to pay me back but its been tough trying to get him to pay. He always finds excuses to not pay me.

He even managed to squander the last 1k of our girl's baby bonus which I wanted to save for her future schooling use. He claims that he lent the money to his friend but who knows the truth? Did I mention that he is a compulsive liar? He lies about every single thing. To his friends, to his family and to me.

He did ask me to stay when I left but being a woman, I know when one is sincere or not. He just asks me to stay because that's what his parents want. The fact is he is not sincere at all! Imagine the whole 3 months that I left and yet he did not make the effort to meet me personally to talk to me. So sincere right? He did not want me to leave only because I am the one who gave him everything and when I leave, everything comes with me. My laptop, his mobile line which is in my name, his branded Coach sling bag that I bought for him and even his iPhone.

He says that I make myself look like the victim when he is the real victim. I do agree that he is a victim, a victime of his flirty ways and of his own pride.

Things between us is now so bad that he has resulted to insulting me, calling me fat and saying that I have fat rolls that puts men off. I am sick, tired and disgusted of this man that I once called my husband.

I got myself into this mess and only I can pull myself out of it. I am where I am today only because I am too soft hearted. I can only blame myself.

The Most Shameless Man of the Century!!

2011-08-24T01:07:00.001+08:00

I am removing whatever I posted in this post previously, not because I am afraid of them and definitely not afraid of them going to the police.

Its because of a promise I made, to remove this post after he returns me my iphone. I am one to honor my word. No matter how others hurt me or lie to me, I keep my integrity intact.

Now I know Why...

2011-07-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

I told my husband to give me the last $1k of Larissa's baby bonus before I let him recontract a line and he got very upset and scolded me for not trusting him. Now I know the reason why. He has finished the last $1k of Larissa's baby bonus.

I managed to find the website where we can check out when our baby's baby bonus is deposited into our account and how much did we deposit into her CDA account. You can check it out here if you are interested.

I realised that Larissa's baby bonus was deposited into his account in May this year. Guess what was his excuse? That he had lent a couple of hundreds of dollars to his friend and transferred the money using that particular account which Larissa's baby bonus is deposited into and that his friend might have not returned his money into his account as he thought so. So? Its not his fault. It's his friend's fault for not returning the money.

My question is, what kind of friend is that one will steadily lend $1k to? And knowing that he don't have much himself, how could he have easily lent his friend the money? And worse of all, how can one not know when one is transferring money that one does not have? Don't you find that it is all lies?

I intended to deposit all the $1k into Larissa's CDA account which the government will match the amount of deposit and save it for her childcare use. Imagine my horror to find out that the money is gone.

Put yourself in my shoes, do you think that I should continue with a man like that? Yes, I may pity him, I might even recontract his mobile line for him but to be with him? Its definitely a great big no! On a lighter note, I have a little something for all readers of my blog. Look out for my next post!

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One, two, three...ten!

2011-07-19T21:06:00.001+08:00

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Angry!!

2011-07-16T08:36:00.001+08:00

So effing angry!! That useless piece of crap has been pestering me for the past couple of days to recontract his mobile line and get him a new iPhone.

The problem is, the line is in my name and he hasn't been paying for it! He now owes me more than 300 bucks for his past bills! Though he has promised to pay by installments of $100 weekly, I have left him for almost 2 months and he has only paid me $100!

He complains that his current phone is spoilt and he need a new phone and he wants an iPhone so that he can use it for teetering and can log onto the internet at home.

So, I gave him a choice. I told him to wait for Larissa's baby's bonus. -which is credited into his account- to come into his account and he passes it to me before I get him the new phone. In the meantime, I will lend him a spare phone which he can use. His reply? I am not giving him a choice!

From my point of view, I don't see why he can't wait for the baby bonus to be credited into his account unless he has already received the money and has spent it all. Even if he needs a working iPhone to do the teetering, he can always get a second hand 3gs set right? Also, I am paying for all of Larissa'd expenses now and not asking a single cent from him, I have to think for my baby and myself! How much longer do I have to pay his bills for him??

He laments that I jolly well know that he owes all the telcos money and it's impossible for him to get a line of his own and that his job is earning very little. Yes, of courser I know that but I pity him then who is gonna pity me? I have a baby to feed! The expenses will only keep more and more! Sighs....

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Its Finally The End

2011-07-06T23:23:00.001+08:00

He complained that I did not give him a chance.

In fact, I did. These time that I was away, I wanted to see what he would do. I know that is a man wants you back, he'd do everything within his means. A man who shows that he will change will wait for you by your block, wait for your forgiveness and wait for you to go home.

Him? He has shown me that he cannot give up gambling and drinking. He texts me to tell me he miss me while he is out drinking with his friends. He tells me he has got no money but he is out with his friends. He visits his daughter maybe once or twice a week when his parents bring her home. Seriously, you think this is the way a man shows that he has repented?

Is this the kind of man that a woman would want to stay married to? I don't think so. Come 27th July I will be going to legalaid to seek assistance for our divorce. It's about time to put an end to it.

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The Seventh Day

2011-06-18T12:57:00.000+08:00

Today marks the seventh day that my grandma has been gone. We Chinese believes that the spirit of the dead will come back to visit their family for the last time before making their way to where they should go.

I just came back from the temple where her tablet is being placed. The monks there will recite prayers everyday for her for 49 days. I miss her terribly and how I wish that she is still with us.

Anyway, after the prayers, I made my way down to Toa Payoh Central to buy soya milk and soya bean curd, I think thats what its called in English. I remember she used to love it when I was young.

We believe that we should place some of their favourite foods on the table for them when they come back for their last visit. We also believe that they will come back in the form of an insect or animal so we are not allowed to kill any living creature on the seventh day.

Hopefully I will be able to see my grandma tonight and let her know that I really miss her. Sighs...I feel like a part of me had dies along with my grandma. She watched me grow up and took care of me when my mom was busy gambling. Because of this, my palate is somewhat similar to that of my grandma's. I remember her cooking green bean soup for me and making dumplings during the dumpling festival. I am the only one in the family who likes to eat the same food as my grandma.

Tonight, I shall wait up and hope that my grandma pays me a visit.

She's Gone

2011-06-15T13:27:00.001+08:00

Barely 2 days after her discharge from the hospital my grandma passed away on Sunday. I was there by her side when she took her last breathe. I was told by my maid that her toenails were turning blue so I felt for her pulse. I called my mom up immediately when I couldn't feel her pulse. She was still breathing though. Minutes later, she took her last breathe....

This Hokkien song tells of how I feel towards my grandma and I cry everytime I listen to it.

Mama, I miss you. Can you please come back? It hurts so much to know that you are no longer with me. Today will be.the last day.and tomorrow you will be cremated. I don't want you to go. You must watch Larissa grow up. Why did you leave me so early??? Mama~~~

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Everyone Will Move On

2011-06-09T19:23:00.001+08:00

After moving home for some time, I learnt that I should not worry for him.

He will learn one day, how to get on with his life. I can already see him moving on with his life, making new friends and taking on new hobbies.

I am also moving forward. Making new friends and focusing on my work.

Isn't it amazing how people can heal so quickly?

No matter what happens, the earth never stops spinning and time never pauses. Whatever it is, we should get on with our lives.

Never allow anyone to stop you in your live. Never live your life with any regrets.

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Soulmate

2011-06-04T13:32:00.001+08:00

At the stage where I'm at, I don't believe that I will ever find my soulmate.

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My Grandma

2011-05-27T21:43:00.001+08:00

My grandma first got admitted into hospital about a month ago after she was vomitting and had diarrhea for 4 days. We thought it was a case of gastroenteritis. She was discharged a week later only to be admitted again two weeks later. This time she complained of constipation and a constant nausea.

A day after she was admitted we were told that there is a large amount of water in her chest cavity and her lungs and they had to drain the fluid. I was told that they managed to drain out 1500 MLS of water. I thought that was all, that she will be well after that and be back to the senile little old lady that she had become after she had dementia.

Yesterday, I was told that cancerous cells has been found in the fluid that was drained from her chest cavity. After all the scans and tests, we were told that its the last stage of cervical cancer and that it has spread tbroughout her body.

We are now giving her palliative care and she is expected to leave anytime. I'm comforted that she has lived to be in her eighties and has lived to see her great grandchild. Now I can only pray that we will get the chance to sat our last goodbyes.

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I Finally Did It

2011-05-23T20:22:00.001+08:00

I have moved back to my mom's place. I have finally decides that its enough.

I finally came to realise that he can never change. No matter how harsh or how sweet I am to him, it doesn't matter because he will never change. I have finally snapped. My friend advised that he could be like that because of a psychological problem. How can any one person not feeling any guilt after being caught? Anyway that's all in the past. I'm gonna pick up and move on.

I'm now looking for a childcare for Larissa near my mom's place. After I settle her, I will go to legal aid to settle our divorce.

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One Last Thank You

2011-05-10T12:18:00.002+08:00

On the 8th of May, I came down to Potong Pasir to take meet people from Singapore People's Party's Facebook group to walk around the area and take some photographs before the town changes for good.

Soon after, I went to Blk 121 where the Town Council was where we waited for Mr. and Mrs. Chiam.

I really don't know what to type anymore.The sadness is overwhelming. Let the pictures do the talking.

I know that it is highly possible that the petition for a by-election will not go through. Just let them try, no harm giving it a try. At least they tried.

The End of An Era?

2011-05-09T09:24:00.000+08:00

I was there at Block 136 Potong Pasir Ave 1 on Saturday night itself when the results were being announced. Although I felt unwell, I felt that I had to go. This is the town of my hero, I want to be there to celebrate his or rather, his wife's win. I already knew that he had lost Bishan-Toa Payoh to Wong Kan Seng, I wanted to be there to show support.

I reached there at about 2.15am, after I have fed my girl and made sure that she will not be up until I'm back. As I was walking towards the coffeeshop, I can see people gathering and the results are being announced. Sadly, Mrs Chiam had lost Potong Pasir to Seetoh by a slight margin of 0.7% which is about 110 votes! The crowd started jeering at Seetoh and then they cheered for Mr Chiam. All you can hear is, "Potong Pasir, Chiam See Tong!"

We waited for the Singapore People's Party to make their way back to Potong Pasir. As they arrived, people crowded around their lorry and cheered for them. Shouts of, "Kelong" can be heard as they do not accept the fact. A man who has done his all for Potong Pasir for 27 years, one cannot believe he would be let down like that.

Mr. Chiam sat in the front passenger seat of the lorry quietly with his daughter while Mrs. Chiam addressed the media and the crowd. I walked to the front and his window was winded down, giving me a chance to shake his hand and I told him my whole family voted for him and we loved him. I couldn't help but start tearing at the moment. He was so quiet, you can feel how heartbroken he was. Even as I'm typing this, tears come to my eyes when I think of what I saw that night.

Look at the crowd!

The atmosphere was electrifying! Everyone was shouting for Chiam See Tong and Lina Chiam. None of us can believe that they had lost their stronghold of Potong Pasir. After 27 years, is this how they repaid Mr. Chiam for his effort? Sighs. I have friends who live in Potong Pasir and she asked me why should she vote for Potong Pasir when the place is so run down and that there is no facilities. I guess the carrot dangled to Potong Pasir has finally worked. However, I proceeded to explain to her what Mr. Chiam has done for Potong Pasir and the obstacles that he met. Another apathetic youth who only cares for upgrading. Sighs.

A Potong Pasir resident, Vas, decided that she is not going to take this without a fight and decided to ask the residents to gather at Blk 108 Potong Pasir on 8th May, 4pm to sign a petition so as to get a by election, a re-vote and so I decided that I will go down on the 8th to support the petition.

I stayed until Mrs.Chiam left at about 4am before making my way home with tears in my eyes.

Democracy by Langston Huges

2011-05-05T22:41:00.001+08:00

Democracy will not come
Today, this year
Nor ever
Through compromise and fear.

I have as much right
As the other fellow has
To stand
On my two feet
And own the land.

I tire so of hearing people say,
Let things take their course.
Tomorrow is another day.
I do not need my freedom when I'm dead.
I cannot live on tomorrow's bread.

Freedom
Is a strong seed
Planted
In a great need.

I live here, too.
I want freedom
Just as you.

I am a Polling Agent!

2011-05-05T12:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I went down to Blk 108 Potong Pasir where we, volunteers for Singapore People's Party, were gathered for a briefing and registration to become Polling Agents for the upcoming General Elections.

This is the void deck where Mr. Chiam See Tong conducts his Meet-The-People sessions. This is my first time stepping into Potong Pasir. Is Potong Pasir a slum? Definitely not!

I also saw for myself, the infamous place where Mr. Chiam held his weekly Meet-the-People sessions

It makes one wonder why is he treated with such prejudice. Especially in a country like Singapore. Isn't our government supposed to be uncorrupted? Then why is he denied the fundings and the chance to build a proper office? They say a picture paints a thousand words, I am no professional photographer but can you feel the pain I feel?

This is where the residents wait for their turn to meet Mr. Chiam

“I make no apologies that the PAP is the Government and the Government is the PAP.”
- Lee Kuan Yew, Petir, 1982

I don't know about you but the above statement makes me feel that they are a big bully, that they are very certain that they are above all. Is this really what democracy is about? Sighs.

Lets end this post on a lighter note.

Singapore People's Party is still on the lookout for more Polling Agents and Counting Agents to join them. Do spread the word to your friends, better still volunteer yourself! There will be 2 shifts, either 8am to 2pm or 2pm to 8pm at a polling both (you can choose which one) on May 7 itself. Please email Chee Peng with the following details:-

Name (as in NRIC)
NRIC No
Date of issue of NRIC
Mobile Number
E-mail address
Residential Address (to aid assignment of polling agents)

I do hope that this General Election will be the turning point for Singapore. Majulah Singapura!

My Hero - Mr. Chiam See Tong

2011-05-03T20:54:00.009+08:00

As the General Election 2011 is just around the corner, I would like to dedicate a post to Mr. Chiam See Tong, Secretary-General to the Singapore People's Party. IMO, he is the unsung hero of Singapore.

1976 – contested unsuccessfully as Independent Candidate at Cairnhill Constituency against Mr. Lim Kim San Minster for National Development and Communications.

1979 – Took part in by-election also as independent candidate at Potong Pasir. Lost to Mr. How Yoong Chong, Minster for Defence designate.

September 1980 – Together with friends formed the Singapore Democratic Party.

December 1980 – Contested unsuccessfully at Potong Pasir. Again lost to Mr. How Yoong Chong, Minister for Defence. Obtained 40% votes.

December 1984 – Contested at Potong Pasir as a SDP Candidate at Potong Pasir. Won with 60% majority vote.

September 1988 – Returned again at Potong Pasir Constituency with 63%. 31.08.1991 – Elected third time to Parliament, Potong Pasir constituency with 69.3% votes casted.

17th of December 1996 – Elected Secretary-General of Singapore People’s Party (SPP).

2nd of January 1997 – Elected fourth time to Parliament, Constituency of Potong Pasir as a Singapore People’s Party (SPP) candidate with 54.3% votes polled

2001 – Elected fifth time to Parliament, Constituency of Potong Pasir as a Singapore People’s Party (SPP) candidate with 54.3% votes polled.

2006 – Elected six time to Parliament, Constituency of Potong Pasir as a Singapore People’s Party (SPP) candidate with 54.3% votes polled.

For 27 years, he has slogged hard to conduct his Meet-the-People session at void decks. He is denied of funds to build a proper place but we can see his determination and dedication from the aluminum sheets used to build his make shift office. Why would a man want to become a MP even though he understands that he has to go through so much, even being denied of funds to do every simple thing? Do you live in a PAP constituency? Have you ever seen the MPs from PAP conduct their Meet-the-People session? Its is done is a air-conditioned office. What a stark difference!

This is Mr. Chiam's office for the past 27 years

This man has been bullied for 27years how much longer are we going to let him get bullied and pushed aside by the people hamming the government of Singapore? This man here is fighting so hard for democracy.

Have you watch Mr. Chiam See Tong in Parliament?

This was Mr. Chiam asking for Potong Pasir to be included in the upgrading program. Why was Potong Pasir not included in the HIP even when Mr. Chiam agreed that they are in agreement of the program? People of Potong Pasir, Mr. Chiam fought for you but did the Government listen?

Here is Mr. Chiam asking for curbing of the influx of foreigners by a skills shortage list and to cut down on GST. Singapore Government, are you listening or did you fall asleep listening to Mr. Chiam? He is physically weak but he is fighting for us. Singapore can you hear him?

If you are wondering why is his speech slurred, Mr. Chiam has suffered 2 strokes, the last one in 2008. It touches me to tears that a man who has suffered 2 strokes is fighting hard for democracy in Singapore. Is he fighting for fame or money? No, he is fighting because he loves Singapore! Most people at his age would have been retired and should be enjoying life but not Mr. Chiam, not until the day there is true democracy!

This is a letter sent to someone who just moved to Potong Pasir. Which PAP MP do you know does this?

This General Election, Mr. Chiam will be walking out of Potong Pasir, to contest in the Bishan-TPY GRC. He is walking out of his comfort zone and leaving Potong Pasir to his wife, Mrs. Lina Chiam. This is a very big risk for him. He might lose Potong Pasir and Bishan-TPY, and lose his seat as the only one of two Opposition in the Parliament or he could win Bishan-TPY GRC and bring in 4 other Opposition MPs into the Parliament to make the government sit up and listen to what we have to say.

I have lived in Bishan-TPY all my life and I have NEVER met Mr. Wong Kan Seng, the current MP in charge of my constituency. Its very clear who my vote goes to. Do you live in Bishan-TPY? Who are you voting for?

Lastly, a quote from my hero,

"When there is life there is hope, when there is hope, there will be change."

Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner

2011-04-28T13:50:00.000+08:00

On this blog post, I am going to share something which was sent by email from a friend quite some time ago.

Being someone who is in a 'failing' marriage - I call it failing coz we're not divorced for the sake of Larissa - I urge all you out there who is reading my blog to spent some time reading this and thinking it through. Is he or she the one for you? Are you ready to spend the rest of your lives together? Do you see yourselves together?

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment Withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

We're Going to The Zoo, Zoo, Zoo!

2011-04-19T13:32:00.000+08:00

18th April marks the day my ah lao turns 27 and to celebrate this day, I brought him to the Singapore Zoo!

Though Larissa and myself woke up early to prepare for our outing, it was dampened by a morning rain. We had to wait for the rain to stop before we headed out. The rain stopped at only about 10.30am and by the time by ah lao got ready, we only reached the zoo at 1pm.

Here we are, camwhoring in the cab on the way to our destination

Look alike? No?

I didnt really bother to take pictures right in front of the Zoo entrance. Damn malu leh. As if I'm a tourist leh. LOL.

Entrance was $20 per pax for admission and $5 tram rides. Larissa gets free admission as she is below 2. I'm damn stupid, paid $5 extra for the tram rides but I did not get on a single tram ride. I walk the whole journey! LOL!

Oh, and we rented a little cart at $18 for Larissa. Never Ever count on the Zoo for strollers. If you need a stroller in case your baby needs to nap, please bring your own stroller. I was there on a Monday afternoon and they have ran out of strollers already so try to imagine going there on a weekend.

Warning! This is gonna be a photo heavy post! Here goes the photos

The Cotton-Top Tamin - one of the world's most endangered primate species

Giant Turtle

Many giant turtles. heehee...

Larissa watching the turtles.

Proboscis Monkey

Otters

The Greater Flamingo

White Handed Gibbon. Looks like its wearing a pair of gloves.

Orang Utans

This huge orang utan was lying at the corner of the glass enclosure

Larissa rides the huge turtle

Komodo Dragon

I think this is called the horned lizard

This huge dragon is about 2 meters long. Just seeing one is not scary but imagine having 10 of them coming after you. Do note, they are pretty quick on their feet and the bacteria in their saliva is enough to kill you or at least wound you so badly you can't walk. However, they are now an endangered species and can most be found on Komodo Island.

Cute little Ground Squirrels

The croc in the photo is at least 3 meters long! I wonder why they put the turtle in the enclosure with the croc. I am very sure I have seen documentries where the croc will eat the turtle. Hmmm...maybe the croc is very well fed?

The Sun Bear

One of the smallest species of bear, it can be recognized by the U-shaped yellow marking on its chest.

Penquin

Manatees

I have previously thought that manatees are small creatures about the size of a medium dog. Never have I thought that they are huge animals! They are about 2 meters in length and very very fat! lol. No wonder they say what is see on TV is always smaller than its real size.

The Asian Elephant

The Asian Elephant is smaller than the African Elephant. You can easily differentiate the elephants by their ears. As you can see above, the Asian elephant has got small ears, the African elephant, on the other hand, has got huge ears like fans like the picture below.

Both elephants, however, are endangered.

A Falabella.

There are two types of horses on display in the Zoo at the Kidzworld, the pony and the Falabella. The bigger one that I did not take picture of, is the pony, which one will easily mistaken it for a horse. It is about our height and looks like a horse, if you have seen an adult horse before you will know that it is a pony.

And the one in the above picture, is the Falabella. Very nice name for a horse aye?

Pls pardon my fat body.

Chimpanzees

After roaming for a while, we walked into this area where the animals are free roaming.

This bird was just right at my feet.

So are these ducks, right at my feet.

Free roaming lemurs!

I don't know what is this called. It was also free roaming and it just sat there. I wanted to touch it but decided not too.

These bats are huge! Their wingspan is at least 50 cm!

The lioness

When we got to the lions, Larissa fell asleep in her little trolley. As it did not have any support, she almost fell a few times, thus we decided to head home.

As Larissa is still very young, she is unable to understand much of the knowledge I would love to impart to her. I will bring her again when she is older and teach her all that I know.

Last shot at the zoo

And finally, camwhore shots in the cab on our way home.

One afterthought I had after visiting the zoo is how wonderful it would be if we are able to see these animals in the wild. I feel kinda sad for these animals, if we were able to protect their habitat, they can live in the wild.

Let do our part to save the environment.

Wow!

2011-04-17T23:08:00.001+08:00

The other day I was at work and as usual, attending to customers.

What I did not expect is to have a customer recognise me by my blog!

This particular customer placed her order online and I was given the order to get back to her and confirm everything with her.

After calling her a few times to confirm her particulars, she asked me if I have a girl by the name of Larissa. Of course I was surprised! When I asked how did she know, she said she's vmbeen reading my blog!

Wow! I never expected to be recognised by my reader! Its a pleasant surprise seeing that I never say which company I work for. Heehee...

You know who you are and thank you for reading my blog! I hope the food was to your expectations!

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Universal Studio Singapore!

2011-04-08T23:01:00.005+08:00

I especially took leave on Wednesday to go to USS with my family. It felt almost like I was the last one to go there and I was pretty excited. Especially with the roller coasters up and running, I had to give my heart a bit of an excitement after being stagnant for so long.

Oh, and we rented a car for my younger sister who just passed her licence about 2 weeks ago! Pretty exciting huh? The problem is...we all don't know the way there and had to reply on an iPhone app that my sister downloaded just the night before. The stupid app kept lagging and re-routing itself. Damn irritating! After we finally got to Kg Bahru, we decided to ignore the app and just find our way there by our hunches. My sister was also a travelling very slowly, at about 50-60 km/p as Larissa is on board and we just want to be safe. In fact, we screamed at her if she went anything about 60 km/h. Seriously, I think her driving is much scarier than the roller coaster. Maybe its the ride that prep me for the roller coaster. heehee...

Anyway, we got on the car at 10.30am and only got there at about 11.30. Not too bad, I guess.

We're finally here! In one piece!

Can't find this in Singapore

My mother is a gold card member at Resorts world and for every $100 that she spends, she earns 1 point. The point system can be used to exchange for almost everything there and we changed the point to entry tickets to USS. It was about 57 points per person. Larissa went in FOC. I remember that entry for children below 4 is FOC.

I placed Larissa to stand about the manhole cover and when we walked away, she kept walking back to stand there. My guess is because its a hot day and cool mist kept coming out from the manhole! She ended up with wet legs and a wet diaper! lol!

I held very high expectations for the roller coaster. When it first went up, I was screaming along with the crowds but the moment it started going down, I got really really disappointed. I felt that it was not high enough and the drop is not enough to scare me. Even with my feet dangling in the air, I don't feel afraid. I was so disappointed that I did not even wanna take it a second time.

As Larissa is still very young, she only went on one ride. I probably will bring her there again when she is older and can appreciate the rides better instead of just sitting in her stroller in the hot sun. Also, the next time, I must remember to bring sunscreen for Larissa and myself.

She got a blue dino!

Oh, and I will also get a room in the hotels so that we can take a rest and go back in there again.

We left the place at 5.30pm to go to Upper Serangoon to return the car to my dad. Guess how long it took to get there? 2 hours!! HAHAHA! We did not even bother to use the GPS navigation this time and just went round and round based on our hunch until we got there! Power aye?!

I apologize for the lack of photos, its was very hot and make me very cranky and totally not in the mood to take photos and for the poor quality of the photos as they are taken by my phone.

Taken during the 2 hour car ride

Again, thank you for reading. Please help my clicking on my nuffnang ads!

Resignation Tendered

2011-03-30T22:20:00.000+08:00

I tendered my resignation some time last month and my last day is supposed to be on 7th April.

My manager has asked me to think about it and I am now having second thoughts. Should I do my part time diploma for nine months before I leave?

I am sick and tired of having to answer endless phones calls. They are give me a bloody headache even when I am back home at night.

I swear that I will never get another job like that and I will stick to administrative jobs even if they mean lower salary.

Imma gonna speak to my boss tomorrow to continue until I finish my part time diploma!

Never Ending Work

2011-03-24T23:40:00.001+08:00

Although peak season is over, it seems that my company's overall business is going up.

Judging by the number of people ordering catering to their homes, I think I can safely conclude that the economy is much better now than it was last year. The same time last year, our sales was only half of what we made this year.

However, we are currently short handed and the workload just doubles on us. It doesn't help that my company seems to like hiring weirdos who comes in but don't like to answer phone calls or are selfish people who only do things that concerns them and wont lift a finger to help.

I feel so overloaded at times. I am not one to work to death for that miserable bit of commission. I just do as much as I can within my means and I certainly wish to go home a tad earlier so that I can spend some time with Larissa.

When I know that I am overloaded, I will share the workload with colleagues, well, they get the commission so I don't think they mind but I do that only when I know they don't have anything on hand and I'm not troubling them.

I just want more time with Larissa. It really sucks to get home to see Larissa asleep and leave home in the morning with her still sleeping. Its so bad I've resorted to taking photos of her sleeping.

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In need of a break!

2011-03-17T00:19:00.001+08:00

Its seriously been too long since last I took a break. From what I remember, I've been working ever since graduating from nursing school and thats been for like 4 years?

I've never taken a vacation to somewhere relaxing, never been able to rest my soul and recharge. I think its about time.

I should start planning already.

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Carelessness

2011-03-11T08:40:00.001+08:00

Ever since I was a kid I've been plagues with the carelessness disease - that's what I call it.

I lose points during tests and exams due to carelessness. I have been told many many times that I need to focus and that the many mistakes can be avoided if i paid more attention and focus.

Now that I'm all grown up and working, I still get told off by my colleagues telling me to focus and make less mistakes. I know its a problem, especially when I work in an industry that does not allow mistakes and honestly, it does affect me when I make mistakes. I keep asking myself why am I making such mistakes?

Sighs...i have to learn to focus on what I'm doing. Seriously.

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Another Woman?

2011-03-09T23:39:00.001+08:00

Not long after my husband's affair with Miss Lee, I realised that he was seeing another woman.

When i confronted him at first, he said that they are only friends, they only went out once in the company of another friendd aand they only text each other as friends do. I told him off and told him never to contact the girl anymore. A few days later, i find sent msgs sent to the girl and he was addressing her as sweetheart. I confronted him again and yet he still insisted that nothing is going on between them.

I kept giving him chances, told him to stop contacting him. Until one day, i see a text from her addressing him as her lover. Off course i got angry and blew my top at him. Again, he stuck to his story and say that there is nothing going on between them.

Even on the 2nd day of CNY, i find a text from her asking him when is he gonna go find her.

I forgive him for all that crap and guess what happened yesterday? The slut called me and ask me if we are really married. So angry!!!!

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Too Much Work and Too Little Time

2011-03-05T23:37:00.001+08:00

Ever felt thay you are suffocated by the amount of work that you have to do? That's what I'm feeling these days.

Two of my colleagues quit safer the CNY period and its now down to 3 people answering phone calls and taking orders. The work seems to be never ending.

I kind of envy my colleagues who can stay back in the office till wee hours of the night to finish the work they have on hand. I have to get home by 9pm every night to latch Larissa on before she goes to bed. And on Saturdays I have to bring Larissa back to mu Emmy mom's place and can't stay back in the office too late.

I have so much work piling on that it's giving me headaches. And it has affected my keying in of orders Cox I keep stressing myself to finish keying in the orders so that I can finish other stuff on hand.

Its so bad that I'm considering going back to retail sales. At the very least I won't need to deal with endless paperwork and the salary is still good. Sighs.

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Samsung Galaxy S

2011-03-01T17:31:00.000+08:00

I think its coz I'm addicted to Korean dramas and it has sparked my interests in all things korean. I sold my iPhone 3Gs and got myself the Samsung Galaxy S. Actually I have not gotten it yet. I have ordered it online and am waiting for it to arrive. The stated delivery time is between 6-9pm and here I am, waiting anxiously. Anyway, here's some pictures of the gorgeous phone. In case you are thinking of getting it, I will recommend that you wait for a bit more as the Galaxy S II is slated to be sold in shops soon. How soon? I don't know but I am impatient. lol..

Funshion Crazy

2011-02-26T01:35:00.001+08:00

My hobby that keeps me up at wee hours at night.

Fringe, a series about pseudoscience. Many weird happenings and technology that we dont know about, yet. There are 3 seasons and I'm now at season 2. IMO, season 1 was the best.

Naughty Kiss, Kim Hyun Joon is really cute here. Never really thought of him as good looking until I watched this. This is the Korean remake of the Japanese comic I think. I have watched the Japanese version and I think this Korean remake is not true to the comic book but I still finished it coz Kim Hyun Joon is too much of an eye candy to miss. heehee...There is also the Taiwanese series that I heard is not bad. I'll probably catch that soon.

Birth of a Rich Man, A story about a man who always knew that he is a rich man son although he has never seen his father. It shows how he falls in love with a stingy rich man's daughter and brings us through his journey of searching for his parents. First time I've seen Ji Hyun Woo and I think he's a guy that I will fall in love with and very handsome and unattainable like Kim Hyun Joon,

White Collar, story about a man who is a theft and fraud who cooperates with the FBI after his girlfriend leaves him and goes missing. Later, he becomes a civilian consultant for the FBI and helps them solve many cases

My Princess, story about a girl who did not know that she is a princess until Park found her and in order to reinstate her as the princess, Park will have to part with all the money that his family left for him and give them back to the society. Will he return all the money? With Song Seung Hun, do I need to explain more?

The Vampire Diaries, two vampire brothers, Damon and Stephan, who falls in love with the same woman, Elena, who is a doppleganger of the vampire who turned them into vampire. I simply love Ian Somerhalder's blue blue eyes. So handsome.

Peak Period is Over!

2011-02-18T12:09:00.002+08:00

Peak period is officially over! YAY!

Its such a stressful period! Every mistake that we do will result in having to compensate customers. Imagine sending buffet there and having customers tell you that they did not order the buffet. Sighs.

Anyway, its been a while since I updated anything about my precious Larissa. Betcha dying to see her? LOL.

Here's some photos of her:

Trying on mommy's cap

I gave her bangs just 2 days before CNY. A tad too short but still damn cute.

Here's her posing for the camera.

Her sitting on her favourite rocking horse at the playground.

Hello, hello baby you called?
I can't hear a thing
I have got no service

喜

怒

哀

樂

Liked her photos? Do me a favor and click on the Nuffnang ads okay? Thanks!

Weird Weird Dreams

2011-02-17T14:02:00.000+08:00

I had two different dreams yesterday night that intrigued me.

The first dream, I dreamt of Andie Chen and his girlfriend kissing passionately in the rain. I wonder why the hell I had this dream. Weird to the max.

Second dream, I dreamt of my ex-schoolmate and I was married to him!?!? Lets call him E. I was married to him but we lead a loveless life. And then, A, my ex-colleague whom I used to date, came along. I am not gonna lie about it but pretty much of what I can remember of the dream is the passionate love making with him. How our lips touch and how electrifying it was.

In the dream, A is no longer a bar-tender like when we date but he ends his own bar. E is there and A is also there. I approached A and told him I love him but he did not reply. Instead, he just stared down the floor and I started crying. I screamed at him and somehow I know it was because I had a baby - Larissa - that he deems a burden so he did not want to be with me. The dream ended with me crying in the arms of my best friend in the bar and drinking to drown my sorrows.

Now, back to reality, this guy, A, lives just across the street from my mother in law's place. I've been staying with my mother in law for close to 2 years now and I have not met him. Is it my heart telling me that I miss him?

Not That Brave

2011-02-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have realised that. I am not as brave as I would like myself to be.

I have been talking about divorcing him but somehow or rather, I have not been able to bring myself to do it.

Is it because I still love him? I am pretty sure that is a no. In fact, I feel nauseous whenever he tries to get intimate or even try to hold my hand.

I think I pity him. If not for Larissa and myself, he has got absolutely nothing in the world. Yes, he has got his family but have I ever mentioned that they all hate him?

Also, I think that only my mother in law understands Larissa well enough to give her what she needs.

If I really intended to divorce him, it will have to wait till when she is older, when she understands things and is able to communicate her needs.

Incapable of Handling Stress

2011-01-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

After almost a year of going back to the workforce, I realize that I'm not really good at handling stress. I get stressed out easily and I find myself being unable to focus whenever I'm stressed.

It showed when I was tasked to take over the department and had many new things to learn and do. I find myself losing hair and getting backaches that I normally do not have.

However, after this episode, I find myself learning new things and pushing myself further. I must say that I have mistaken my colleague's kindness. The only way to learn the ropes is to do everything all by myself and I have learnt quite a bit in a months time.

Like they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I must say that I am stronger than I think I am.

Weirdly, it feels good to have so much work to do. At least, I feel good after completing what I'm tasked to do. I've decided to stay on and fight for it.

Life Just Isn't Fair!

2011-01-17T15:12:00.001+08:00

For those of you who don't know, I work in a catering company as a Sales Coordinator. A bloody listed company with no bloody system.

I draw a miserable salary, which has a damn pathetic commission system. I start work at 8.30am and my days supposedly end at 6.30pm, 5 days a week and alternate Saturday but I can claim off in lieu for the Saturday that I work.

My job is pretty simple actually. I handle customers' online or phone enquiries for home buffets, take orders and do follow up. I also handle complains. One very important thing though, is that we need to get written confirmation from the customer. There are actually times when the buffet arrive at the customer's door and they refuse to acknowledge and claim that they did not order it and we are the ones to bear! Though we only have to bear the costs, imagine having to pay hundreds of dollars for a buffet you did not order! There goes your hard earned commission.

Anyway, I used to be able to go home at 6.30pm on the dot until 1st January.

I was chosen to take over my colleague's workload, take over the Tingkat Dept. Tingkat is a daily catering service that my company provides to homes and boy, there are so many problems with the catering that I don't bloody know where to start.

Every single day, there are complaints from customers that they did not receive their food, received food that they stated that they do not want, received food with worms or cockroaches in it, received the wrong package or receiving spoilt food. blah..blah...blah..
And every start of the month, I received phone calls from customers saying that they did not received their refunds, they are billed wrongly, they have paid but invoices show otherwise or some other problems with their invoices. When I investigate, it is always either because there is a problem with the system, that the refund did not show or some stupid colleague of mine did not do the bloody refund.

Busy, Busy, Busy!

2011-01-14T22:28:00.000+08:00

As Chinese New Year approaches, my workload increases too.

Starting 1st January, I took over the tingkat department's job and had to be in charge of all kind of rubbish. It really is very very irritating.

When I took over, everything is in a mess. My colleague did not clear everything and I was handed a lot of crap. Adding to that is that now is the time where we cheong for our sales to get our commission and yet I am dragged down by this crap that is not supposed to be mine.

And worse of all, my boss is making us chase previous overdue payments! I have so bloody many things to do I can't even bloody keep track of my orders. Sighs.

My work suck. Full Stop.

I am thinking of throwing my letter after CNY. Anyone got admin or sales job to intro?

She Ain't Walkin, She's Strutting.

2011-01-04T10:50:00.000+08:00

Sometime last week, Larissa decided that she has had enough of the cold hard marble floor and she took her very first step.

Its kinda cute seeing her learn to walk.

Isn't it funny how fast she progresses? One moment I was wondering when is she gonna start walking and the next moment, she's started walking already!

Steamboat Buffet on Boxing Day!

2010-12-27T15:00:00.000+08:00

My family don't really have the tradition of exchanging Christmas gifts or celebrating Christmas itself but on Boxing Day, we went down to this steamboat buffet place near bugis. I think its called 'Chong Qing Zheng Zong Huo Guo'. At $18 per pax, I don't really think much of the place. Its more of a quantity than quality buffet so please do not expect much.

I'm not really one to take photos of my food so there is no photos to update. I probably will do so when I get a proper camera. teehee...

After the early dinner (we started at 4pm), we made our way to Bugis Junction to walk around a bit. We had only shopped around for an hour and my mom, sis and sis's girlfriend is making noise already. They are complaining of aching legs! Well, I can't really blame them as they stood the entire morning at work.

I have only just started letting Larissa wear shoes, prior to that, I always let her go barefoot as I'm always carrying her and there is no need for her to wear shoes. I also taught her how to walk holding my hands.

I let her venture around on her own when we are out shopping and here's some photos of her.

Ohhh...Bras!

Mummy, I like this colourful one!

We left her near this display area and she actually climbed up the tiny platform on her own!

Eeyore!

That's piglet.

The classic fishing game that even I used to play when I was a kid!

If you have been a reader of my blog, you will find the one piece that Larissa is wearing very familiar. She has been wearing it since she was 3 months old and its still loose fitting as you can see! Here's a photo of her wearing it when she was younger. See how fat and chubby she was previously! I miss her like that!

Lapband Surgery For Me Please!

2010-12-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

I bet you have all read about the blogger, Qiu Qiu who was sponsored her boob filler. If you have not, you can read about it here.

Seeing how she can have a sponsored boob filler, maybe I can fulfill my wish of having a lapband surgery sponsored for free.

Okay, lets start from when I was younger. I have always been fat, ever since I can remember. I got into the TAF club in school since I was 10 year old and stay in there forever.

Hey, not that I'm a lazy fat girl okay. When I was in primary school, I joined the basketball team, the track and field team, the touch rugby team and even the badminton team. I was out running all day but never did I manage to lose any weight at all. I was still as fat as ever.

After I got into secondary school, I was in the school dance team and netball team but it didn't help either. In fact, I grew bigger and bigger and put on more mass than ever.

Some time in 2002, I started taking Panbesy, a medication that help me curb my diet. With a bit of exercise, it worked wonders and help me shaved off about 13kg off my huge frame. It wasn't without side effects of course. I had palpitations, dizzy spells, crazy mood swings that would make me go crazy at times and also insomnia.

I took the medication all the way until I was pregnant with Larissa. Suddenly stopping the medication, a lack of exercise and increased food intake is bad combination. I gained almost 30kg during my pregnany and is now having a hard time trying to lose the weight.

Now that I am back to work, I work 12 hours everyday and I find it tough to find time to go work out. I wake up at 6.45am every morning to give Larissa her feed every morning before I get ready for work. I can't wake up any earlier to go for a jog because Larissa sometimes wakes up at 5am and wants me to feed her. I can't go out after feeding her as well coz I need to feed her one last time at 7am. I don't wanna go jogging at night just before bed time because I know that I won't be able to go to sleep after a workout.

Now, if only I can have lapband surgery to help me lose some weight first before I start having time for myself when Larissa grows older a little.

Do They Really Not Know?

2010-12-17T23:15:00.001+08:00

Third parties of other people's marriage, those who claim that they do not know that the man or woman they are with is married. Is that possible? What do you think?

With the prevalence of social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace and even Twitter, it is rather easy for one to find that his or her partner is cheating and the cases of spouses finding evidence of their partner's infidelity is increasing everyday.

Perhaps, if they'd just been together for a short time, one wouldn't realise that his or her partner is actually attached but after some time, wouldn't things start to show? Take myself for example, I started suspecting my husband 3 months into his affair because of his late home comings, his locking up of his handphone with passwords and texting people late into the night.

What about the third party? If he or she was a friend or your wife or husband and was all along a friend on his or her Facebook account, issit believable if they claim to not know that he or she is married?
I believe that as a woman, we have a heightened sensitivity and will know when the man is cheating. All we have to do is to listen to what our heads are telling us when the alarm bells go off and not be gullible enough to trust in what the men is saying.

What are your thoughts? Will you believe if the third party told you they found out their partner is married only months into the relationship though they have been friends on Facebook for as long as they have dated?

Well, I guess sometimes we do have to give others the benefit of the doubt don't we?

Busy Like A Bumble Bee!

2010-12-09T03:55:00.016+08:00

As the holidays approach, my workload also start to increase significantly.

Most of my colleagues stay still really late at night, like till midnight to finish their work but I am determined to go home earlier so that I can latch Larissa on for her last feed at night and also to spend some time with her before she forgets who is her mommy.

My work drains all my energy and I really am tired by the time I get home but I spend so much time at work that I feel like I haven't really done anything for myself so I usually spend an hour or two watching some movies online. Oh, have I ever mentioned that it's been more than close to 2 years since I stepped into the cinemas?

Anyway, I usually update my blog when it's quiet in office in the mornings and I really don't think I will have time to update anytime soon but before I take a break from blogging, here's some photos of Larissa that'll make you smile.

"I wanna squeeze through the whole!"

All Alone In The World

2010-12-04T00:07:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I am struggling alone in the world.

With no one to turn to and no one to help me. Ever since I know I had Larissa, I had to give up almost all of my social life.

Now, I don't feel like going out of the house at all. Where is this fat and ugly woman gonna go?

Sighs, I want to lose the weight and start going out again.

Men & Cologne

2010-12-02T09:35:00.000+08:00

What prompted me to blog this post? I walked pass a man with a very nice smelling cologne this morning and it triggered my memory.

I remember once, I was 16 then and was in a very crowded lift. A tall guy - really very tall, I'm 1.7m and i'm my head is at his chest level - tried to get out of the lift and his well toned chest brushed pass my face. Imagine the scenario. A tall, fit and good looking man brushing pass you, letting you get a wiff of his strong but not over-powering cologne. I tell you, I went weak in the knees and I could have had an orgasm right at that moment.

Thats the difference between men and women. Men needs visual stimulation but for women, something as simple as a sniff of cologne can stimulate us.

Anyway, since that time, I always have something for men with nice smelling cologne. He does not need to be too good looking but as long as his cologne is nice smelling is good enough for me.

When I first met my husband, I thought that his cologne was very nice but I don't know since when, his smell made me fell nauseous and I can't stand the smell of him at all. I guess thats when we started drifting apart. How to love a man who make you feel like vomiting? LOL

G12, Canon 550D, Canon S95, Lumix LX5?

2010-11-30T09:23:00.001+08:00

I have been thinking of buying a proper camera for the longest time but I don't know if I will be able to take nice photos.

My main subject will be of course, my precious girl Larissa. I need something that has high shutter speed but is not too bulky so that I can carry it with me all the time. I am pretty new at photography so I guess a full fledge DSLR like the Canon 550D is out of my league.

Here are the camera that I am considering.

Canon G12

Canon S95

Any photography buffs out there who can give this mummy a hand and let me know whats the main difference between the camera and which one is recommended?

Attack of the Rashes!

2010-11-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

As Larissa's fever started to subside, ugly rashes started to rear their heads.

It started out on the third day into her fever, a little bit on her thighs and a little bit on the back of her arm. Overnight, the rashes seem to spread like wild fire and the next morning, they appeared on her tummy and legs.

This was on the 4th day

This was taken today

The rashes spread to her private parts

And finally, to her face

From the pictures, you cannot see the rashes properly but it was very red and angry looking. There was so much rashes that I brought her to the pediatrician again earlier to have it checked out. Thankfully, the pediatrician confirmed that Larissa is recovering well and the rashes are a sign of her recovering.

Finally Getting Better!

2010-11-25T15:08:00.000+08:00

After so many days of torture, Larissa's condition is finally showing improvement.

Yesterday afternoon, her temperature seem to have gone down to her normal body temperature of about 36.6 degrees. Being the kiasi mummy, I insisted on giving her another dose of paracetamol just to make sure that the fever is gone for good.

She fell asleep at 7.30pm, woke up for milk at about 9.30pm and she slept for quite some time before waking up wailing. There is something different about her cries at night though. In the past, when she is hungry for milk, she will simply sit up and whimper a bit, just enough to wake me up so that I feed her but last night, she woke up wailing like she was in pain or something and she will refuse to let me carry her so I have to let her wail for a while before she is ready to be carried. Anyway, she woke up and wailed about 2 times but she fell back to sleep after a bit of cuddling. The third time, she woke up at 4 am and refused to go back to sleep. I had to let her crawl around a bit and let her get tired before I carry her and cradle her to sleep.

In the morning, I confirm that her fever is gone for good! Yay! Yippee! Hooraay!

However, she still rejected her morning milk feed and took only a few spoons of porridge for lunch. As she took so little food, I tried to give her a milk feed but she still rejected. Sighs. I can only hope that she starts eating soon or she might become a skinny lil girl.

Another Trip to the Pediatrician

2010-11-24T14:17:00.000+08:00

Another sleepless night last night. I had the aircon on at 25 degrees to ensure that it is cool enough for Larissa. She woke up a few times throughout the night and I had to soothe her so I woke up in the morning feeling like a zombie.

This morning, after Larissa woke up, she propped the upper half of her body on my bolster while she squatted in a frog leg position. I was observing her as she went about moving herself and after lying still for a while I can hear her moving her bowels. It seems like she is having pretty bad diarrhea. She lay still for a while after that and I went to tell my mother-in-law to get the water ready to bathe Larissa.

After showering her, we brought her down to the pediatrician. After a thorough examination of Larissa, the doctor concluded that she was having a gastric infection. Gave her some meds and we were sent home.

I think I am really too tired. I can't take it anymore. Especially with Larissa refusing all food and only has minimal milk intake. I am starting to snap at Larissa and I have an urge to just strangle her. Sighs. I wonder when will the torture stop.

Larissa's First Fever

2010-11-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

On Saturday evening, I brought Larissa to West Coast Park for my colleague's birthday celebration. We were there for only about 2 hours. We reached home at about 10pm and when I showered Larissa to get ready for bed, I felt that she is a bit warm to the touch but I thought it was only because she was teething and I did not give it too much thought.

On Sunday morning, Larissa was very irritable and cried at every little thing. I found that a bit weird as she is usually an independent baby. However, I confirmed that she is sick only when I tried to feed her lunch. She rejected all her food and spit everything out. I started to panic soon after. I was at my mother's place and my thermometer was at my mother-in-law's place.

I checked with my mom and she assured me that it was probably only because baby was teething. Later when I got back to my mother-in-law's place at about 4.30pm, I took her temperature and it measured 38.3degrees. I freaked out. It was a Sunday and no pediatrician is open, it means that I will have to bring her to the hospital. I tried to feed Larissa some paracetamol before we went to the hospital but Larissa hates the paracetamol and every time I try to feed her will result in her vomiting. We cleaned her up, gave her a shower and got her ready for the hospital. However, before we were about to get her out of the house, I took another reading of her temperature and it read 37.6 degrees so we decided that we shall not go to the hospital first and observe her at home. That night, she woke up several times as she was very uncomfortable and I had to soothe her. At times, it simply means having to cradle her in my arms for a long long time. That night, her temperature at 4am read 39.1 degrees.

The next morning, first thing in the morning we got her cleaned and we brought her to the pediatrician. Apparently, there is nothing wrong with her. The only thing the doctor found was that her throat was quite red, probably a sore throat and its probably viral. There is no medication for her, the only thing is to make sure she is comfortable and to bring down the fever. The doctor prescribed some neubrofen but I am determined not to let Larissa take the medication unless her fever hits 39 degrees.

I wipe her down every other hour and I bathe her twice a day. She is still rejecting food but she is still latching on. Rashes have appeared on her thighs and I'm suspecting that its false measles and if it is, it means that the fever is gonna break soon.

It is heartbreaking to see my girl so sick and especially so when she vomits every time she takes the medication. I tried to give her all 5 mls at one shot and it ended up pretty bad with her vomiting all over. The method that works is one which I give her one mls at a time and I have to press her nose to make sure she swallows.

She is starting to have diarrhea, which I am unsure if its one of the symptoms of false measles but I am hoping that she will recover soon. Sighs....

Attack of the Rashes!

2010-11-23T05:06:00.000+08:00

As Larissa's fever started subsiding, rashes started to appear on her body.

It started out as tiny patches of redness on her thighs and arms. On the fourth day, a lot of rashes came on her tummy and a little on her back.

This morning, the rashes were so red and angry looking that they scared me.

Caught?

2010-11-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

I received a call from my mother yesterday which gave me a shock. The first words she said was to tell me to leave my husband. When I further questioned her, she said that my sister had just spotted my husband holding another woman and even carrying her handbag at Bugis MRT. That is not possible, he was supposed to be at work! What is he doing at Bugis?

I was in shock and denial at the point of time. I called my husband immediately and asked him where is he. He told me that he is in the train and at Somerset MRT already. I questioned him if he went to Bugis and the answer was unfortunately a yes.

Why is he at Bugis when he was supposed to be at work? What was he doing? Was he there with a girl? His answer is that he was with his colleague waiting for his work to start but his work was cancelled last minute and his colleague was then sent him to Bugis MRT. So he went there to buy my favourite yogurt and wanted to give me a surprise at home.

My sister is very sure that she saw my husband and says that he was only 10 meters away from her when she saw him. He was chasing the train when my sister saw him and when he saw my sister, he only ran even faster and he boarded the train just before the doors closed.

Now, I check with my sister what he was wearing and she says that he is wearing a pink tshirt with black bermudas. When I got home, he was wearing a orangey tshirt with white bermudas and my mother in law swears that he did not change after reaching home.

Now, what am I to do?!

Larissa's Birthday Chalet Day 2

2010-11-18T09:59:00.000+08:00

D went home as he had to work in the morning so there were only Larissa and myself in the chalet room through the night. I woke up before Larissa did and managed to get myself showered before Larissa woke up. She woke up at 8-ish, I bathed, changed her and we are out of the room for me to grab a bite and to take a walk around before my sister in laws wake up.

I grabbed some take away toast and we wandered around Costa Sands. Luckily I brought my MIM sling and I could sling her and bring her around the premise. There is a small fish pond in front of the stage at the entrance of Costa Sands and I tell you, it has got HUGE fishes! Really huge! I do have to admit that I am a bit afraid that they might just jump up and bite. Well, that what the fishes in the pond my primary school used to do. They'd jump up for food and the water in the pond is murky so we can't see the fishes.

hmm...fishes?

hey fishy fishy fishy!

ignoring me?

The pictures really don't do the fishes any justice. They are really BIG! Do pop by and take a look for yourself the next time you are there. After just 10 mins of looking at the fishes, Larissa got cranky already. Time for us to head back to the chalet to let her get her nap.

Back at the chalet, my sister and mother in laws are still asleep and so I put Larissa down to sleep and I took a short nap. The plan was to bring Larissa for a swim or to Wild Wild Wet to have some fun in the afternoon. My inlaws got up late, probably 1pm and Larissa was up soon after.

As we got ready to go to the swimming pool, it started raining. Damnit, what rotten luck we have. I have already changed Larissa and myself into our swimming suits and yet we're stuck in the rain till it stops. So, while waiting, I decided to unwrap Larissa's birthday presents and let her take pictures with them all.

After a few photos, it became evident that the rain is not gonna stop anytime soon so my mother in law suggested that we change her into her birthday dress and take photos of her, which I did.

The rain came to a drizzle at about 4 pm and I had enough of waiting. Since we have free tickets, I decided to bring her to Kids Explorer instead. So, I told my sister and mother in law to bring Larissa to Kids Explorer first and I will join them after I showered and changed. When I got there, they have not entered the place as my mother in law refuses to go in if we need to buy the socks and pay for entry. In the end, only myself and Larissa went in there.

As Larissa still cannot walk, there is not much that she can do. I brought her into the ball pit and put her in. Its the first time that she is in there and she was overwhelmed. She cried when I put her in and held onto me tightly. However, after about 15 mins of warming up, she got used to the balls and the sinking into the balls. LOL. She soon started picking up the balls and throwing and even tried to chew on the balls. She still held onto me for fear of losing me though. So cute. heehee...

We got back at about 6.30pm and they started barbequeing again. My husband's side of relatives came for a second round of barbeque. I had to settle Larissa down for her dinner and to shower her later on. She started fussing at about 8.30pm and I put her down to bed. After she fell asleep, I stayed outside for a while longer and at about 9.30pm, I heard her wailing. When I got into the room, it was too late and she cried so hard she vomited all over the beds. Sighs...My poor darling. I had to wipe her again and play with her awhile before she could go back to sleep. This time, I decided to stay in the room with her and thats how my night ended.

It was a pity that it kept raining throughout the 2 days we were there and Larissa is too young to play at Wild Wild Wet or to enjoy herself at Kids Explorer. Maybe I will book again next year when Larissa is older to bring her there to play.

Larissa's Birthday Chalet Day 1

2010-11-15T16:49:00.003+08:00

This is a long post so its gonna be a 2 or 3 part post. Do me a favor and click on the ads above and on the right okays? Thanks!

Wow, its finally over! We had a three day two night chalet over the weekend at Costa Sands Downtown East to celebrate Larissa's very first birthday.

The day started early, I was woken up by Larissa at about 8am. From the moment we woke up, it was a crazy frenzy to get things ready. My mother-in-law had to get preparation ready. They prepared fried bee hoon, fried rice, fishballs, nuggets, chicken curry and some cooked vegetables to bring over to the chalet for the guests later. Everyone had to help out as there was so much to do.

At about 12 noon, I went to the shop at Sembawang MRT to have Larissa's photos developed to fit them in the 12 month picture book. I only got back at about 1pm and I had to start packing. I hate packing coz its so stressful! I remembered going on a trip to Malacca when I was in Primary 5 and guess what? I forgot to pack all my pants and had to spend the entire trip in my school dress. Luckily it was only a three day 2 night trip or I would probably start stinking. You know whats worse? I brought 2 school skirts to Malacca and only came back with one. Can you imagine how a person like me is going to pack for 2, myself and Larissa? LOL. I had to go over the items in the luggage like, 200 times to make sure that I did not miss out anything and I am glad to say that I did not miss out anything this time! Boy, am I proud of myself!

We initially wanted to check in the chalet at 2.30pm but due to delays here and there, we only checked in the chalet at about 3.30pm. So little time and yet so much to do! My guests will start streaming in at 5pm and I had to do up the decorations and blow up the balloons. This I was damn angry I tell you. I think Downtown East uses bloody non-stick wall paint or what, I tried like 200 times with so much tape and yet the decorations I hung up would drop whenever I walked away. Seriously, FML. In the end, I decided to not give the decorations a damn.

Larissa fell asleep on the way to the chalet and woke up soon after we arrived so she was super cranky throughout her birthday celebration. She only managed to "hang on" till about 9pm and I had to put her down to sleep almost right after the cake cutting.

Did I ever mention that my husband has got A LOT of relatives? There were so many of them swarming the area that night that I think my relatives and friends got overwhelmed. Even I myself was overwhelmed by them though I had met them before.

Later the night, my side of the relatives came, only my uncle's family, paternal grandma, my dad and my mom came. So freaking little when compared to my husband's side. Anyway, that night, I came to realize that an online friend's husband's mom's sister is my dad's brother's wife. Very long winded but somehow connected. LOL. Small world isn't it? heehee...

At about 12am, my friends were still hanging around and I decided to take a shower before joining them for a chat. Guess what? They were all gone after I came out from the shower! That cut my night short and I went to join Larissa in lala-land soon after.

Here's some photos from the first day of the chalet.

This is the cake I baked that turned out to be like a brownie as it was only 2 inch high.

Larissa in the princessy dress that Mich bought for her.

I actually prepared a pretty hairclip for Larissa but like mommy, she hates to have accessories of any kind and proceeded to tug it out even if it means tugging her hair out as well.

My mom, myself and Larissa. Do we resemble each other?

Finally a photo of me and Hazel. Shane is sooo cute! Can we exchange babies for a day?

All the babies! The biggest baby is the youngest, guess which baby is that!

Larissa's Worst Fears?

2010-11-13T11:06:00.000+08:00

Only yesterday, while I was at my sister's girlfriend's place, I found a little soft toy that is in the shape of a frog. I got a bit of a shock when I saw it as it looked pretty real and is tiny, like the size of a real frog. Guess what? Larissa is afraid of it too!

I finally found something that scares Larissa! I was very very mean, I actually threw the frog at Larissa and she almost jumped outta her skin before she started wailing! heehee...

Here's a picture of the little frog.

ribbit, ribbit

No Alcohol Please

2010-11-10T09:23:00.002+08:00

Its only a couple of days to Larissa's first birthday celebration. Due to her having a stupid mummy who only started searching for a chalet 3 months before the event, we could only get a room at Downtown East. Damn it...I really dislike the place. Rooms are small, the whole place is crowded, service there sucks and so much to complain about but well...we haven't got a choice.

So, I decided that for Larissa's birthday, we are not going to supply any alcohol at all as we are on a tight budget. D (The husband) initially insisted that we provide alcohol for his friends who are coming but I rebuked him and said that my friends drink too so are we gonna hide the alcohol until his friends come only then we bring out the alcohol or am I supposed to go tell my friends not to touch the alcohol coz it is meant for his friends? Looks damn stupid on our part right?

I mentioned this in front of my in-laws and told them that there will be no alcohol served.

Me: "Ma, D says he wants to serve alcohol on that day but I told him not to."
Father-in-Law: "How can you invite people and not serve them any alcohol?"
Me: "We invite them to eat, not to drink."
Father-in-law: Silence.....

I don't see why we have to serve them alcohol. Can't they bring their own beers if they wanted alcohol? We are working on a budget here. If you want your face, then you can jolly well volunteer to pay for the alcohol.

Larissa's 1st Lunar Birthday!

2010-11-08T10:09:00.000+08:00

Time really flies. It feels like it was only yesterday that I had Larissa and she is already turning one year old. Saturday was her first lunar birthday and I think she somehow knew coz she woke up for 5 night feeds in the night and was up by 6.50am. I was so tired that day!

In Chinese traditions, on baby's first lunar birthday, we are supposed to make a meal of mee sua*, chicken drumstick and egg for the baby (Actually not only on the first birthday but on every birthday). So, on this very day, I made mee sua for her lunch. Do note that mee sua is salty on its own so to feed a baby, you have to first boil it, rinse it in cold water then boil it again to remove the salt.

*Misua (also spelled mee sua or miswa) is a very thin variety of salted Chinese noodles made from wheat flour. It is originated from Fujian, China. They differ from mifen (rice vermicelli) and cellophane noodles in that the latter two are made from rice and mung beans, respectively, and typically a lot thinner than those two varieties.

There is also a tradition of letting babies pick the items. It is believed that the item baby picks will signify what baby's future career/life will be like. I was told by my mom to place 4 items for baby to pick. The four items are calculator, money, chicken drumstick and pen.

Guess what did Larissa pick? Watch the video to know.

This is also the day that Larissa has the outdoor photo shoot taken by Amanda at the Esplanade. Shooting babies is not an easy task and I am thankful that Amanda actually volunteered to shoot Larissa. I would love to bring Larissa to have a studio shoot but due to budget constrains, I decided that an outdoor shoot would be good enough. More ever, this is a shoot that is full of love and definitely better than a shoot in the studio.

Please pardon the fat me in the photos. Sighs, I really should start my diet soon. Anyway, Larissa kept sticking her tongue out during the shoot coz she was teething and it was uncomfortable. She was also cranky throughout the shoot so she didn't really smile.

Now, I am itching to get a DSLR so that I can do my own shoots for Larissa. Grrr.....

After the shoot, I had dinner with Amanda and a very cranky baby. My sister in law was holding her 21st birthday at Goodwood Park Hotel and I cabbed over there. They all love Larissa so I guess the best present that I can give her is to bring Larissa over. And yes, she was elated that Larissa was there but I had to leave early as Larissa was really too cranky and I can't let her sleep there as they will be playing throughout the night and probably wake Larissa. I have not gotten the photos from the birthday party. I will update once I get them.

Time is never enough...

2010-11-03T13:01:00.000+08:00

Do you feel the same?

My typical day start at 6.45am. I sleep feed (feed her while she is sleeping) Larissa, bathe, sterilise her stuff and I am out of the door by 8.15am. She is usually still asleep when I go to work. My work ends at 6.30pm and I get home only at about 6.50pm. After I get home, I need to take dinner and settle down and its only at about 7.45pm that I have time for Larissa. She usually goes to bed at 9pm so I get to spend a total of 1 hour and 15 mins with my precious.

It feels so little isn't it?

Now, I am trying to cramp in a little time to go jog in the evenings after work but that will mean I have less time with Larissa. I really am unwilling to sacrifice the little bit of time I spend with her but I do think that I really need the exercise.

I have considered going for morning jogs but Larissa wakes up in the morning to feed and there is no fixed time so I can't leave her in the mornings. Another thing is, Larissa still wakes up for night feeds as many as 3 times a night and I wake up in the mornings really exhausted.

I know it sounds like I am making up excuses not to go for my jogs but I really wanna go...I just don't know where to find the time to...

Me in A Wig!

2010-11-02T13:07:00.000+08:00

I think I must be crazy to have worn a wig to work yesterday. It is totally not recommended at all. I bought my wig at a here. Its a synthetic wig and cost me about SGD50.

It was a crazy idea to wear a wig for so many hours (my office hours is about 10 hours). It was tight around my head, restricting the blood flow and causing me to have a massive headache. I had to take off the wig at about 3pm, let my head "breathe" for about 2 hours before I put the wig back on.

If you don't know, I shaved my head for a charity event back in July. 4 months down the road, my hair length is neither here nor there and I don't bother to style it. I usually will wear a cap in the morning after I shampooed my hair to "flatten" it. I have had remarks from my friends that my hair look like a cap on its own coz its thick and black.

This is what I look like with my normal, cap like hair. Pardon my tired look. This is what happens when you wake up to feed your baby 3 times a night.

This is what I look like with the wig. Pardon my fat and round face.

This is what I look like with my wig

Acting cute. lolxx

.Which look do you think suits me more? I'm thinking if I should grow my hair out or get a trim and start styling my hair. heehee...

Video Updates - 01.11.2010

2010-11-01T12:02:00.000+08:00

Here's a video of Larissa with Puppy, our family beagle.

And here is a video of Larissa watching Wheel of Fortune on television. She seem to understand that the lady in the show has won and started clapping at the end of the video.

I always find my stuff all over the place. Here's why.

At 11 months, she has finally learnt how to shake her head.

Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal

2010-10-28T09:41:00.001+08:00

Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal

10 Comments

Hold on to your wedding ring: It is difficult, but not impossible, to repair the damage caused by infidelity. Increasingly, that’s what couples want. But let go of most of your assumptions; In an interview with Editor at Large Hara Estroff Marano, our leading expert Dr. Shirley Glass challenges just about everything you think you know about this explosive subject.

Q: What is the single most important thing you want people to know about infidelity?
Dr. G: Boundaries. That it’s possible to love somebody else, to be attracted to somebody else, even if you have a good marriage. In this collegial world where we work together, you have to conduct yourself by being aware of appropriate boundaries, by not creating opportunities, particularly at a time when you might be vulnerable.

That means that if you travel together, you never invite someone for a drink in the room; if you just had a fight with your spouse, you don’t discuss it with a person who could be a potential partner. You can have a friendship, but you have to be careful who you share your deepest feelings with. Although women share their deep feelings with lots of people, particularly other women, men are usually most comfortable sharing their feelings in a love relationship. As a result, when a relationship becomes intimate and emotional, men tend to sexualize it.

Q: Is compartmentalizing characteristic of people who get into affairs?Dr. G: It’s much more characteristic of men. Most women believe that if you love your partner, you wouldn’t even be in an affair; therefore, if someone has an affair, it means that they didn’t love their partner and they love the person that they had the affair with. But my research has shown that there are many men who do love their partners, who enjoy good sex at home, who nevertheless never turn down an opportunity for extramarital sex. In fact, 56% of the men I sampled who had extramarital intercourse said that their marriages were happy, versus 34% of the women. That’s how I got into this.

Q: Because?
Dr. G: Being a woman, I believed that if a man had an affair, it meant that he had a terrible marriage, and that he probably wasn’t getting it at home-the old keep-your-husband-happy-so-he-won’t-stray idea. That puts too much of a burden on the woman. I found that she could be everything wonderful, and he might still stray, if that’s in his value system, his family background, or his psycho dynamic structure.

I was in graduate school when I heard that a man I knew, married for over 40 years, had recently died and his wife was so bereaved because they’d had the most wonderful marriage. He had been her lover, her friend, her support system. She missed him immensely. I thought that was a beautiful story. When I told my husband about it, he got a funny look that made me ask, “What do you know?” He proceeded to tell me that one night when he took the kids out for dinner to an out of the way restaurant, owned by one of his clients—that very man walked in with a young, blonde woman. When he saw my husband, his face got red, & he walked out.

Q: How did that influence you?
Dr. G: I wondered what that meant. Did he fool his wife all those years and really not love her? How is it possible to be married for over 40 years and think you have a good marriage? It occurred to me that an affair could mean something different than I believe. Another belief that you only have so much energy for something. By this belief, if your partner is getting sex outside, you’d know it, because your partner wouldn’t be wanting sex at home.

However, some people are even more passionate at home when they are having extramarital sex. I was stunned to hear a man tell me that when he left his affair partner and came home he found himself desiring his wife more than he had in a long time, because he was so sexually aroused by his affair.

Q: What research have you done on infidelity?
Dr. G: My first research study was actually based on a sex questionnaire in Psychology Today, in the 70′s. I analyzed the data looking at the relationship of extramarital sex, length of marriage, and gender difference on marital satisfaction and romanticism. I found enormous gender differences: that men in long term marriages who had affairs had very high marital satisfaction—and that women in long-term marriages having affairs had the lowest marital satisfaction of all. Explaining these gender differences was the basis of my dissertation. I theorized that the men were having sexual affairs and the women emotional affairs.

Q: Are affairs about sex?
Dr. G: Sometimes infidelity is just about sex. That’s often more true for men. In my research, 44% of men who said they had extramarital sex said they had slight or no emotional involvement; only 11% of women said that. Oral sex is certainly about sex. Some spouses are more upset if the partner had oral sex with an affaire than if they had intercourse; it just seems so much more intimate.

Q: What is the infidelity?
Dr. G: The infidelity is that you took something that was supposed to be mine, which is sexual or emotional intimacy, and you gave it to somebody else. I thought that we had a special relationship, and now you have contaminated it; it doesn’t feel special any more, because you shared something that was very precious to us with someone else.

There are gender differences though. Men feel more betrayed by their wives having sex with someone else; women feel more betrayed by their husbands being emotionally involved with someone else. What really tears men apart is to visualize their partner being sexual with somebody else. Women certainly don’t want their husbands having sex with somebody else, but if it’s an impersonal one-night fling, they may be able to deal with that better than if their husband was involved in a long-term relationship sharing all kinds of loving ways with somebody else.

Q: Why are affairs so deeply wounding?
Dr. G: Because you have certain assumptions about your marriage—that I chose someone, and the other person chose me; we have the same values; we’ve both decided to have an exclusive relationship, even though we may have some problems. We love each other and therefore I’m safe. When you find out your partner has been unfaithful, then everything you believe is totally shattered. And you have to rebuild the world. The fact that you weren’t expecting it—that it wasn’t part of your assumption about how a relationship operates, causes traumatic reactions. The wounding results because—and I’ve heard this so many times—I finally thought I met somebody I could trust.

Q: It violates that hope or expectation that you can be who you really are with another person?
Dr. G: Yes. Affairs really aren’t about sex; they’re about betrayal. Imagine if you were married to somebody very patriotic and then found out your partner is a Russian spy. Someone having a long-term affair is leading a double life. Then you find out all that was going on in your partner’s life that you knew nothing about: Gifts that were exchanged, poems and letters that were written, trips you thought were taken for a specific reason were actually taken to meet the affair partner.

To find out about all the intrigue and deception that occurred while you were operating under a different assumption is totally shattering and disorienting. That’s why people then have to get out their calendars and go back over the dates to put all the missing pieces together: when you were going to the drugstore that night and you said your car broke down and you didn’t come home for 3 hours, what was really happening?

Q: This is necessary?
Dr. G: In order to heal. Because any time somebody suffers from a trauma, part of the recovery is telling the story. The tornado victim will go over and over the story—”when the storm came I was in my room” —trying to understand what happened, and how it happened. Didn’t we see the black clouds? How come we didn’t know?”

Q: And so they repeat the story until it no longer creates an unmanageable level of arousal.
Dr. G: Yes. In fact, sometimes people are more devastated if everything was wonderful before they found out. When a betrayed spouse who suspected something says, “I don’t know if I can ever trust my partner again,” it’s reassuring to tell them that they can trust their own instincts the next time they have those storm warnings. When things feel okay, they can trust that things are okay. But if somebody thought everything was wonderful, how would they ever know if it happened again? It’s frightening.

Q: What is the sine qua non of an affair?
Dr. G: 3 elements determine whether a relationship is an affair. One is secrecy. Suppose two people meet every morning at 7 A.M. for coffee before work, and they never tell their partners. Even though it might be in a public place, their partner isn’t going to be happy about it. It’s going to feel like a betrayal, a terrible deception.

Emotional intimacy is the second element. When someone starts confiding things to another person that they’re reluctant to confide to their partner and the emotional intimacy is greater in the friendship than in the marriage, that’s very threatening. One common pathway to affairs occurs when somebody starts confiding negative things about their marriage to a person of the opposite sex. What they’re doing is signaling: “I’m vulnerable; I may even be available.”

The third element is sexual chemistry. That can occur even if two people don’t touch. If one says, “I’m really attracted to you,” or “I had a dream about you last night, but, of course, I’m married, so we won’t do anything about that,” that tremendously increases the sexual tension by creating forbidden fruit in the relationship.

Q: Do affairs ever serve a positive function—not to excuse any of the damage they do?
Dr. G: Affairs are often a chance for people to try out new behaviors, to dress in a different costume, to stretch and grow and assume a different role. In a long-term relationship, we often get frozen in our roles. When young couples begin at a certain level of success and go on to achieve all kinds of things, the new person sees them as they’ve become, while the old person sees them as they were.

The unfortunate thing is that the way a person is different in the affair would, if incorporated into the marriage, probably make their spouse ecstatic. But they believe they’re stuck; they don’t know how to create that opportunity for change within the marriage. A woman who was sexually inhibited in marriage—perhaps she married young and had no prior partners—may find her sexuality in an affair, but her husband would probably be delighted to encounter that new self.

Q: How do you handle this?
Dr. G: After an affair, I don’t ask the question you’d expect. The spouse always wants to know about “him or her”. “What did you see in her that you didn’t see in me?” I always ask about “you”: “What did you like about yourself in that other relationship?” How were you different? And, of the way that you were in that other relationship, what would you like to bring back so that you can be the person you want to be in your primary relationship? How can we foster that part of you in this relationship?

Q: Do people push their partners into affairs?
Dr. G: No. People can create a pattern in the marriage that isn’t enhancing, and the partner, instead of dealing with the dissatisfaction and trying to work on the relationship, escapes it and goes someplace else.

Q: That is the wrong way to solve the problem?
Dr. G: Yes. There are some gender differences in the ways partners handle problems, although everything we say about men can be true for some women, and everything we say about women can be true for some men. Generally when a woman is unhappy, she lets her partner know. She feels better afterwards because she’s gotten it off her chest. It doesn’t interfere with her love. She’s trying to improve the relationship: “If I tell him what makes me unhappy, then he’ll know how to please me; I am giving him a gift by telling him.”

Unfortunately, many men don’t see it as a gift. They feel criticized and put down. Instead of thinking, “she feels lonely; I’ll move toward her and make her feel secure,” they think, “What’s wrong with her? Didn’t I just do that?” They pull away. If they come in contact with somebody else who says to them, “oh, you’re wonderful,” then they move toward that person. They aren’t engaged enough in the marriage to work things out. The partner keeps trying, and becomes more unpleasant because he’s not responding.

Q: She becomes the pursuer, he the distancer.
Dr. G: When she withdraws, the marriage is much further down the road to dissolution, because she’s given up. Her husband, unfortunately, thinks things are so much better because she’s no longer complaining. He doesn’t recognize that she has detached and become emotionally available for an affair. The husband first notices it when she becomes disinterested in sex—or after she’s left! Then he’ll do anything to keep her. The tragedy is that it’s often too little too late.

Q: The opportunities for affairs have changed radically in the past 20 years. Men and women are together all the time in the workplace, and workplaces are sexy places. You dress up, you’re trying your best, there’s lots of energy in the air.
Dr. G: And you’re not cleaning up vomit or the hot water heater that just flooded the basement. And it’s not at the end of the day, when you’re exhausted. Also, you’re working together on something that has excitement and meaning. One of the major shifts is that more married women are having affairs than in the past. There are several reasons. Today’s woman has usually had more experience with premarital sex, so she’s not as inhibited about getting involved sexually with another man. She has more financial independence, so she’s not taking as great a risk. And she’s working with men on a more equal level, so the men are very attractive to her.

Q: What do people seek in an affair partner?
Dr. G: Either we choose somebody very different from our partner, or we choose somebody like our partner used to be, a younger version. A woman married to a really sweet guy who helps with the dishes, who’s very nurturing and very secure, may at some point see him as boring and get interested in the high-achieving, high-energy man who may even be a bit chauvinistic. But if she’s married to the man with the power and the status, then she’s interested in the guy who’s sensitive and touchy-feely, who may not be as ambitious.

Q: Is this just the nature of attraction?
Dr. G: It has to do with the fact that people really want it all. We have different parts of ourselves. The other flip-flop in choice of affair partner reflects the fact that the marriage often represents a healing of our family wounds. Somebody who lacked a secure attachment figure in their family of origin chooses a mate who provides security and stability.

It’s a healthy, resilient part of ourselves that seeks that balancing. But after we’ve mastered that, we often want to go back and find somebody like that difficult parent and make that person love us. There’s a correlation between the nature of the attachment figure and the affair partner; the person is trying to master incomplete business from childhood. As a result, some people will choose an affair partner who’s difficult, temperamental, or unpredictable.

Q: The challenge becomes, how, with busy lives, do people satisfy all of their needs within the marriage?
Dr. G: It’s a false belief that if I’m incomplete, I have to be completed by another person. You have to do it through your own life, your own work, for your own pleasure, through individual growth. The more fulfilled you are, in terms of things that you do separately that please you, the more individuated and more whole you are—and the more intimate you can be. Then you’re not expecting the other person to make you happy. You’re expecting the other person to share happiness with you, to join you in your happiness.

Q: What other changes do you see in affairs these days?
Dr. G: Cyber affairs are new. For some people the computer itself is very addictive. They get very caught up in it. It’s hiding out, escaping. And an affair is an escape—from the realities of everyday life. These two escapes are now paired. The other danger online is that people can disguise who they are. Think of the roles you can take on if you hide behind a computer screen. More so than in workplace affairs, you can project anything onto the other person.

At the computer, with a screen in front of you; you can act out any fantasy you want. You can make this other person become anybody you want them to be. There’s a loosening up, because you’re not face to face with the person; the relationship begins in anonymity. Sometimes people send nude pictures back and forth.

Q: This attracts only a certain kind of person, doesn’t it?
Dr. G: We don’t know yet. Among the e-mail questions that I get are always a number from people who are concerned because their partner is having an online relationship with somebody. Or their partner had an affair with somebody they met online. It’s very prevalent, and it’s very dangerous. If you’re talking to somebody on the computer,and you begin to talk about your sexual fantasies,and you’re not talking to your partner about your sexual fantasies, which relationship now has more sexual chemistry? Which relationship has more emotional intimacy? Then your partner walks in the room and you switch screens. Now you’ve got a wall of secrecy.

It has all the components of an affair. And it’s very easy. Technology has impacted affairs in another way, too. Many people have discovered their partner’s affair by getting the cellular phone bill, or by getting in the car and pushing redial on the car phone, or by taking their partner’s beeper and seeing who’s been calling. We’re leaving a whole new electronic trail.

Q: How many affairs survive as enduring relationships?
Dr. G: Only 10% of people who leave their relationship for affairs end up with the affair partner. Once you can be with the person every day, and deal with all the little irritations in a relationship that makes it less romantic, you’re into Stage Two—disillusionment. Several people have told me they wish the affair had never happened; they wish they had worked on their marriage instead. Once they got into an affair, it was too compelling. But now that the affair has settled into a reality based relationship, it’s too late to go back to the marriage; they destroyed too much.

Q: Can all relationships be fixed after an affair?
Dr. G: No. What I look for is how the unfaithful partner shows empathy for the pain that they have caused when the betrayed spouse starts acting crazy.

Q: In what way do they act crazy?
Dr. G. They’re very emotional. They cry easily, their emotions flip-flop. They are hyper-vigilant. They want to look at the beeper. They have flashbacks. In the car they hear a country-western song and start crying, or accusing. They obsess over the details of the affair. Although these are common post-traumatic reactions to infidelity, their behavior is very erratic and upsetting to them and their partner. How much compassion the partner has for that is one of the benchmarks.

Another sign of salvageability lies in how much responsibility the unfaithful partner is willing to take for the choice they made, regardless of problems that pre-existed in the marriage. (We definitely need to work on the weaknesses of the marriage, but not to justify the affair.) If the unfaithful partner says, “you made me do it,” that’s not as predictive of a good outcome as when the partner says, “we should have gone to counseling before this happened to deal with the problems.” Sometimes the unfaithful partner really doesn’t regret the affair, because it was very exciting. One of the big strains between the partners in the primary relationship is the way they perceive the affair partner. My husband is one who says I made him do it. So, how to salvage our marriage?

Q: How so?
Dr. G: A lot of the anger and the rage the betrayed spouse feels is directed toward the affair partner rather than the marital partner: “that person doesn’t have any morals;” “that person was exploitative.” “That person’s a home wrecker.” To believe that of the marital partner would make it difficult to stay in the relationship.

At the same time, the person who had the affair may still be idealizing the affair partner. The unfaithful spouse perceives the affair partner as an angel, whereas the betrayed person perceives an evil person. It’s important at some point in the healing process for the involved person to see some flaws in the affair partner, so that they can partly see what their partner, the betrayed spouse, is telling them. But it’s also important for the betrayed spouse to see the affair partner not as a cardboard character but as a human being.

Q: Is there anything else that helps you gauge the salvagability of a relationship after an affair?
Dr. G: Empathy, responsibility—and the degree of understanding of the vulnerabilities that made an affair possible.

Q: What vulnerabilities?
Dr. G: There are individual vulnerabilities, such as curiosity. Somebody gets invited for lunch, and they go to the house because they’re curious. They must learn that getting curious is a danger sign. Or they learn that if some damsel or guy in distress comes with a sad story, instead of becoming their confessor and their confidante, they give out the name of a great therapist. Knowing what these vulnerabilities are, and understanding them, allows a person to avoid them.

Q: Are there relationship vulnerabilities?
Dr. G: The biggest one I see these days is the child-centered marriage. I tell couples that if you really love your kids, the best gift you can give them is your own happy marriage.You can’t have a happy marriage if you never spend time alone. Your children need to see you going out together without them, or closing the bedroom door. That gives them a sense of security greater than they get by just by being loved. Today’s parents feel guilty because they don’t have enough time with their kids. They think they’re making it up to them by spending with them whatever leisure time they do have. They have family activities and family vacations. To help them rebuild the marriage I help them become more couple-centered, by building a cocoon around themselves as a couple.

Q: Is it hard to get over an affair without a therapist?
Dr. G: It’s hard to do with a therapist. People can get over it, but I don’t know that they resolve the issues. Usually the unfaithful person wants to let it rest at “Hi hon, I’m back. Let’s get on with our lives. Why do we have to keep going back over the past?” The betrayed person wants to know the story with all the gory details. They may begin to feel they’re wrong to keep asking, and so may suppress their need to know because their partner doesn’t want to talk about it. They may stay together, but they really don’t learn anything and they don’t heal.

Q. Can it ever be the same as it was before the affair?
Dr.G: The affair creates a loss of innocence and some scar tissue. I tell couples things will never be the same. But the relationship may be stronger than it was before. If you break something and glue it back together with Super-Glue, it could be stronger than before—although you can see the cracks when you look closely.

Q: How do you rebuild trust?
Dr. G: Through honesty. First I have to build safety. It comes about by stopping all contact with the affair partner and sharing your whereabouts, by being willing to answer the questions from your partner, by handing over the beeper, even by creating a fund to hire a detective from time to time to check up at random. My husband was untruthful all the way until I met the woman, every until after I met the woman, he still tried to cover up by lying.

It also requires sharing information about any encounters with the affair partner before being asked; when you come home, you say, I saw him today, and he asked me how we’re doing, and I said I really don’t want to discuss that with you. That’s counter-intuitive. People think that talking about it with the spouse will create upset, and they’ll have to go through the whole thing again. But it doesn’t. Instead of trying to put the affair in a vault and lock it up, if they’re willing to take it out and look at it, then the trust is rebuilt through that intimacy. The betrayed spouse may say, “I remember when such-and-such happened.” If the unfaithful spouse can say, “yeah, I just recalled such-and-such,” and they bring up things, or ask their partner, “how are you feeling? I see you’re looking down today, is that because you’re remembering?” trust can be rebuilt.

[Marriage Missions Editors Note: To read an article that answers the question, "What do you do when your unfaithful spouse won’t answer your questions?" written by author Anne Bercht, please click HERE]

Q: Eventually the questioning and revealing assume a more normal level in the relationship?
Dr. G: Yes, but things will often pop up. Someone or something will prompt them to remember something that was said. What did you mean when you said that? Or, what were you doing when that happened? In the beginning, the betrayed partner wants details. Where, what, when. Did you tell them you love them? Did you give them gifts? Did they give you gifts? How often did you see them? How many times did you have sex? Where did you have sex, was it in our house? Was it in the car? How much money did you spend. Those kinds of factual questions need to be answered. Eventually the questions develop more complexity. How did it go on so long if you knew that it was wrong? After that first time, did you feel guilty? At that point they’re in the final stages of trauma recovery, which is the search for meaning.

Q: And they have come to a joint understanding about what the affair meant?
Dr. G: By combining their stories and their perceptions. A couple builds trust by rewriting their history and including the story of the affair. Some couples do a beautiful job in trying to understand the affair together, and they co-create the story of what they’ve been through together.

Q. What is happening in those relationships that are not equal?
Dr. G: Sometimes there’s an over-functioning spouse and an under-functioning spouse. One partner takes on a lot of responsibility—and then resents it. The more a person puts energy into something and tries to work on it, the more committed to the relationship that person is. The other partner, who is only semi-involved in the relationship, is freer to get involved in an affair, because they’re not as connected to the marriage. This is interesting because the popular notion is that the person who has the affair wasn’t getting enough at home. The reality is that they weren’t giving enough at home.

Q. How do you handle that?
Dr.G: In rebuilding that relationship, more equity has to be created. The issue isn’t what can the betrayed spouse do to make the partner happy—it’s what can the unfaithful spouse do to make their partner happy. In research and in practice, my colleague Tom Wright, Ph.D., and I have observed that when you compare who does more, who is more understanding, who is more romantic, who enjoys sex more—the affair is almost always more equitable than the marriage. Usually, the person was giving more—more time, more attention, more compliments—in the affair than in the marriage. If they can come back and invest in the marriage what they were doing in the affair, then they’ll feel more. There’s research showing that people are more satisfied in equitable relationships.

Q: You use the metaphor of walls and windows in talking about affairs.
Dr. G: There’s almost always a wall of secrecy around the affair; the primary partner doesn’t know what’s going on on the other side of that wall. In the affair, there is often a window into the marriage, like a one-way mirror. To reconstruct the marriage, you have to reverse the walls and windows, put up a wall with the affair partner, and put up a window inside the marriage.

Answering a spouse’s questions about what happened in the affair is a way to reverse the process. It’s a matter of who’s on the inside and who’s on the outside? Sometimes people will open windows but not put up walls. Sometimes they put up walls but don’t open the windows. Unless you do both, you can not rebuild safety and trust in the marriage.

The above interview is just a portion of what was contained in the magazine interview Dr. Shirley Glass did with Psychology Today (July/August 1998). To read it in it’s entirety and to view more magazine and newspaper articles plus other information on this subject you can go to her web site atwww.shirleyglass.com.

Do You Use Contact Lens?

2010-10-27T13:11:00.001+08:00

I am thinking of ordering some iFairy contact lens and I need 5 pairs to get a 10% discount.

Are you a user of contact lens? If you are, maybe we can combine our orders to enjoy the discount together. I am ordering 2 pairs for myself so I will need another 3 pairs to enjoy the discount. You will only need to pay the registered post or we can meet up at Toa Payoh or Sembawang for you to collect the lens.

These lens are 16mm instead of the usual 14.8mm. I have never tried them myself and would like to give them a try. These lens are priced at SGD25.00 each. I do know of another blog who sells these lens at SGD38.00 each and claims that she is not making much. Well, that is another story all together.

Anyway, you can take a look at the types of contacts here.

Do email me at paperger85@yahoo.com.sg if you are interested in the lens.

Want a Blankie for Your Baby?

2010-10-25T16:27:00.000+08:00

I have been a faithful reader of Mummy MieVee's blog for quite some time now.

Earlier, I read that her blog is giving away The Pat-a-Cake Baby Blanket and thus, decided to post this on my blog to share it with all my blog readers.

Larissa is getting a tad too tall for her current blankie and I have been thinking of getting her a new blankie for quite some time already.

I spent some time searching for baby blankets online and I have to say that I was pretty shocked at the prices that they were selling these baby blankets! The average price for a blanket is about $50 USD! Of couse I did not buy! Its a ridiculous amount to pay for a baby blanket, I think.

So now that I read that there is a baby blanket that is similar to those I found online and so much cheaper, I decided to share it with all of you. The blanket does look very plush and minky. I'll also be trying my luck to see if I get the blankie. If, I don't, I'll be buying a blankie still!

Here's the contest details:-

Win Your Own

THREE (3) lucky subscribers will win a The Pat-a-Cake Baby Blanket worth USD35 each!

This is how to participate:

Subscribe to Mummy’s Reviews™ in a reader or via email (existing subscribers counted)

Send an email to me (MieVee [at] MummysReviews.com) with the following information:
- Method of subscription: in a reader or via email
- Your name
- Your name in Facebook (to get extra entry mentioned below)
- Visit Spinkie and tell me (in your email) your favourite print (among the blankets priced at USD35)
- If you are a new reader, mention how you got to know of this Giveaway
- Blog / Website URL, if any (to get extra entries mentioned below, indicate URL of your exact post)

To get EXTRA entries:
- 1 extra entry: “Like” Mummy’s Reviews™ Facebook page (existing fans counted)
- 1 extra entry: “Like” Spinkie Facebook page (existing fans counted)
- 1 extra entry (unlimited total): For each participant referred by you (e.g. through sharing the Giveaway on Facebook / Twitter / email)
- 3 extra entries: Share this Giveaway on your blog / website and link it back to Mummy’s Reviews™

Other Information

This Giveaway is open to subscribers with a mailing address worldwide (except countries that don’t allow participation in lucky draws).
It will run until 7 November 2010 (Sunday) 2359hr (GMT+8).
If you are one of the winners, the print of your blanket depends on the stock available.
The usual Giveaway Terms apply.

Send in your entries now and good luck!

She's Learning To Talk Already!

2010-10-25T09:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I decided to go shopping for sports bra, some sports t-shirts and stuff. I have made up my mind to start jogging at least 3 times a week and for 30 minutes each time to help me shave off some weight. Anyway, I decided to carry Larissa on my Manduca baby carrier.

As we walked into World of Sports, I pointed out the volley balls to her and I tried to teach her how to say "ball". To my surprise, she managed to say "bo". Then, I walked around World of Sports teaching her how to say, "shoes", "shorts" and "balls". She managed "shu" and "bo".

On our way home on the cab, I teached her "eyes" and "nose" and she managed to say "eyes". Her learning to say words is really dependent on her mood. When she reached home, I tried to get her to say eyes to my mother in law but she refused to say anything.

I find that baby wearing really helped in my teaching her cause she is so close to me, I can teach her all the time and this, I feel, does help a lot. At 11 months, Larissa is saying her first words.

What can I say? I'm a happy mom.